Reflections on love for healthier relationships

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Robert Maurer
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Reflections on love for healthier relationships

Love is a powerful feeling, but also a mysterious one. It guides us, motivates us and changes our lives. It is inevitable to surrender to its charm.

Last update: October 20, 2022

Reflections on love are on the agenda, given that it is a feeling that everyone feels, but that few dare to define; as a result of the great impact it has on our lives and the complexity that characterizes it, it is difficult to enclose its meaning in a few words.



It pushes us, it motivates us, it nourishes us, it gives us well-being, but sometimes it also brings with it suffering, sadness and discomfort; especially when it is not reciprocated or when it is misunderstood. Love is as powerful as it is mysterious, but surrendering to its charm is inevitable.

In the name of love, wars have broken out, crimes have been committed, endless risks have been taken and stories worthy of admiration have been written. The adventure of love does not escape errors, obstacles, dead times or confusion.

Loving is the greatest experience that humanity can live, but also the most complex. It is an art that requires dedication and perseverance, which when supported by goodness and authenticity and in its widest and most profound way connects us with the whole, almost like a divine experience.

To reach this connection, to savor all that love can offer us, it is important to learn how to cultivate it in a healthy way in our relationships.

To do this, it is necessary to investigate within ourselves, in our view of the world and of our connections with others. The following thoughts on love can help us.


"Where there is love there is life."

-Mahatma Gandhi-

13 thoughts on love

Different ways of seeing reality

Each of us builds reality through the education received, the interactions with others and the meanings obtained from perceptions, models of personal life; ultimately, from its own history. We are immersed in subjectivity.


Kant, Piaget and Paul Watzlawick support the perspective in which the same phenomenon takes on multiple meanings depending on the observer.

They remind us that, in some way, we are not possessors of the absolute truth and that life has as many nuances as there are people who inhabit the world.

This is the beauty and the complicated side of love. Beautiful because it enriches us and complicated because it often requires an exercise of responsibility, humility and acceptance.

Being aware that the partner interprets the situation differently is important and, in some ways, suggests an exercise in empathy. Keeping in mind that she may take offense at something that may go unnoticed for us keeps us on the lookout. Because, often, it is not so much what happens but how each of us experiences it.

It is therefore not so much a question of convincing and asking the other to assume our vision of the world, but of trying to understand it, to discover how he perceives through his gaze.

Because only when we understand that each person can have a different opinion and that his ideas are formed by his biography, his life story, only then will we truly be able to establish healthy and sincere relationships. Otherwise, we will live in a tide of confrontation and conflict.


“There is no single reality. There are multiple realities. There is no single world. But many worlds and all run in parallel… Each world is the creation of an individual ”.

-Paolo Auster-

People change and have their own way

One of the reflections on love that it is good not to forget. Nothing is forever, everything changes and people are no less. Experiences transform us, sometimes forced by circumstances and others independently of our decisions. What is certain is that with the passage of time we are no longer the same.


Understanding this means taking into account that the other will not always behave as we expect, even when he is used to certain behaviors. And, of course, neither do we. Change is inevitable and, if you like, a right.

Another aspect that is linked to the above is that, at times, people decide to take different paths from ours, even if in the past they were our life partners. This is the time when we must arm ourselves with the courage to accept and let go. Love sometimes has an expiration date and we can't do without it.

Each person has their own life path. Being aware of this frees us from selfishness and from expecting too much from our relationships.

Every relationship is an opportunity to learn

Relationships are imbued with wisdom, knowledge of oneself, of others and of the world in general. They teach us the roots of pain, suffering and despair, but also the roots of complicity, trust, love and the power of forgiveness.


A relationship can become a good teacher if we are willing to learn from it.

Relating to another person exposes a part of us; especially with those with whom we have strong and cordial ties. Our vulnerabilities come into the picture and so do our needs along with those fears that often keep us from moving forward.

If we are willing to learn the lessons our relationships offer us, we will realize that they are lessons to our advantage. Observing our weaknesses tells us which aspects we need to put more emphasis on and which areas we need to work more on.

While being aware of our strengths it tells us what we can cling to when everything goes wrong and what our potential and protection mechanisms are.


But not only: relationships are a great source of information about others. A unique opportunity to connect with them and see beyond the mask of appearance, to observe them naked and contemplate the beauty of their essence.

It is important to take care of yourself in love

This is another of the reflections on love that we cannot forget. Although loving is a sentiment directed towards others, it does not imply that we must neglect ourselves. Quite the opposite.

Only when we love each other, when we welcome each other with affection and respect, can we give true love to others. If we don't, we offer wounds, defensive attitudes, mistrust and disguised fears, especially in the first moments. This doesn't mean we don't know how to handle them, but it does mean we need to be vigilant.

To love means to love yourself first of all, to respect yourself before others. It means knowing your limits and being aware that you are not forced to endure abuse or inconvenience. We are free to choose where and with which people to stay. We must not forget that.

Reflections on love: gestures are more important than words

Words have the power to create a reality, but if they are not accompanied by facts, these are usually ephemeral, disappearing as quickly as they were created. We can express how much we love a person, tell them every day, but it's not enough. Acts are also important.

It doesn't take big gestures to show true love. A complicit look, a "how are you?", Listening to what our partner has to tell us, holding hands or staying in silence can be enough.

Small details of everyday life that, while making little noise, reach the depths of the other and, at times, are able to reconstruct from the inside.

It is not only important to be accomplices, but also to value what the other offers us. There are many gestures that go unnoticed, but which contribute to making us feel better. You just have to recognize them, be aware and open to the magic of love.

Each person has a story

This is one of the most precious reflections on love. We are a puzzle of circumstances and experiences. The mix of everything we have lived that shapes us, that builds us.

Because everything that happens around us defines our experience and our feeling, both intensely and superficially, on tiptoe.

Taking this into account in our relationships is essential. Knowing that the other is different and that he is fighting his own battles helps us understand it.

To a large extent, everything we have experienced affects us in some way and how we place it in the present depends on our history.

Managing emotions is essential to building healthy relationships

Not being aware of our emotions leads to conflict, frustration, helplessness and discomfort. Ignoring how we feel has consequences for both us and our relationships.

If we don't know what makes us sad or what the source of our anger is, we are somehow like strangers to our own eyes. We do not know who we are and it is difficult for others to know us. Most likely, in fact, we will blame him for how we feel.

The ideal is to become aware of your emotions, not only to get to know each other and learn how to manage them, but also to know what their effects are on our daily life and where they can lead us. By doing so, we will build more constructive relationships.

Reflections on love: not everyone can love us

This is one of the reflections on love that is often difficult to accept. No one is obliged to love us, agree with our way of thinking or approve of what we do. It is the law of life.

It is useless to pretend that another person loves us for who we are or that he accepts everything from us. We cannot adapt to everyone. Unrequited love can hurt but you have to accept it.

The best thing is to be free to make the decisions we want, to go our own way and that all this brings us together with people who want to be by our side.


Relationships aren't always the same

It is impossible for fairness to reign in a relationship, but respect does. Sometimes one of the members of the couple will make a decision, at another time it will be the other. It is like a dance in which, depending on the circumstances, we swap roles.

It is not possible to keep an objective count of all the love gestures of a couple's members, of the number of times responsibilities are charged or decisions are made.

It is an exchange, in which the other can enter to a certain extent and is obtained, in turn, according to one's own limits and life experience.

Reflections on love: every relationship needs dedication and commitment

Love is like a garden that needs to be watered every day; you have to make an effort to take care of it.

If we want to be happy and have fun next to the other person, we need to work on our relationship. Because love is not a passive feeling, it feeds on our actions.

In this way there will be aspects to be fixed, others to be eliminated and still others to try to put in place to nourish the relationship. It is inevitable. If we don't pay attention to the relationship, it will deteriorate over time. Because like a plant it needs to be watered.

Knowing yourself is essential in love

Knowing yourself is the support from which to establish healthy bonds with others. Knowing who we are, what we want and what love is for us are questions that will help us be clearer about where we are going.

If we're wrong, it's not the end of the world

One of the most important reflections on love: making mistakes is not a sentence, but only an opportunity for growth.

In terms of relationships, it is impossible to do everything right the first time, there are no manuals or tutorials to follow, nor a magic formula.

We have to be flexible, consider the possibility that we will make mistakes not only with our partner, but also with family and friends.

We are not magicians or fortune-tellers, nor are we beings with superpowers: the only weapons we have are listening, empathy and words to express what we feel and what we want. Just as we can be wrong with others, others can also be wrong with us. Let's not forget it.


Reflections on love: you need to know how to say goodbye

Knowing how to end a relationship is one of the most complicated things ever. However, saying goodbye and accepting that the other person will no longer be by our side is not easy, but neither is it impossible.

There are many wounds to heal, a lot of experience to process when a relationship ends. It is a time-consuming rebuilding process, whether you or someone else have decided. The important thing is, little by little, to overcome the rupture, to be reborn again.

Conclusions

Through these reflections on love we can perceive that loving is extraordinary, but keeping its flame alive is not that simple.

The most important thing is allow yourself to experience this feeling in a healthy way and, as far as possible, make it last over time.

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