Psychology: how to know if a man is cheating on you

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Robert Maurer

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In this article, psychology tells us how to understand if a man is cheating on you in the shortest time possible, so you can take action.

The month of January is statistically the time of year with the highest number of betrayals, with twice as many people having extramarital affairs, compared to the month of August.

Betrayal is something that has touched many of us, whether it's recommending a friend or relative who has concerns about their relationship, or a hint of doubt that lingers in our minds when it comes to their own relationship.

But how to know if a man is cheating on you, if not with the help of psychology?

How to know if a man is cheating on you:
male psychology

Many couples have difficult times and our mutual interests come and go, depending on how safe they feel as a couple. So if you suspect your man may be having an affair with another woman, how can you find out? What are the signs of a betrayal?

Thanks to the support of psychology, we have compiled a list of the 12 signs on how to understand if a man is cheating on you, the most common reasons and the reasons why he could be facing a betrayal or not.

Do you want to know how to know if a man is cheating on you? We talked to We-Vibe psychologist and relationship expert Dr. Becky Spelman about some of the most common signs of cheating and the reasons behind them.

Psychology: the signs of betrayal of a motor

1. Your intuition

Your behavior: Suspecting something is often the first sign for many women. Certainly, intuition is not proof that a man is doing something wrong, but you feel that something is wrong with you. Often in these cases he has detected some of the other signs subconsciously.

The innocent explanation: Quite simply, your intuition may be wrong. Do you communicate enough? Maybe you are going through a stressful time.

The reason for the fault: In general, the intuitions have been shown to be correct. If your gut tells you that a man may be cheating on you, then keep your eyes and ears open for some of the following signs.

2. Technological changes

Your behavior: Now that technology makes it easier to connect with people, this not only means it's easier to have an affair, but there are also more ways to get caught. You may discover that your man has an email account that he never knew about, or maybe he has two phones and only knows one number. Another common sign is when he starts taking calls and leaves the room, often telling you it's work, and then gets defensive when you approach his phone.

Dr. Spelman says, “Having a second cell phone that has nothing to do with work can be a sign of betrayal. Many unfaithful people have a special phone to communicate with the person or people with whom they are involved.

Also, any change in technology-related behavior could be a warning sign. Dr. Spelman adds that "hurriedly closing the laptop or screen tabs when the partner enters the room" could mean they're hiding something from you.

The innocent explanation: Your boss asked you to be on call when he's home, gave you a work phone, and your partner doesn't want to interrupt whatever you're doing. Or maybe she is planning a surprise for you that she doesn't want you to see.

The reason for the fault: his lover is texting or emailing him while you are home and he is trying to hide them. If you're tempted to snoop on his phone, be careful: are you sure your suspicions are worth betraying his trust?

3. Your friends notice that something is wrong

Your behavior: It's not something he did, but often friends and family will notice that things aren't quite right between the two of you and start asking questions. Perhaps you have argued more when you are with others, or your friends have noticed that there is a lot of tension when you are together.

Dr. Spelman explains: “Because cheaters often feel guilty, a common psychological mechanism is to try to paint their partner or spouse in a negative light, to 'justify' the betrayal to themselves. Sometimes they may try to provoke arguments or an unpleasant environment to create this situation.”

The innocent explanation: You are going through a difficult time or you just tend to be a little more nervous when you are in the company of other people. Maybe you need to talk things out between the two of you, or if necessary, try couples therapy.

The reason for the fault: If more than one friend starts to wonder if all is well with you, maybe it's time to stop and think, especially if you haven't noticed something is wrong!

4. Something is wrong

Your behavior: Has your daily routine changed for seemingly no reason? Do you start out earlier in the morning and come back later? Or maybe she told you that she went out with Luca last week, but then you find out that Luca was away on a conference.

The innocent explanation: The job may have become more stressful, perhaps someone has left, leaving you with more work than usual. Alternatively, he may be planning some kind of surprise for you and doesn't want you to know what he's up to.

The reason for the fault: Once someone starts lying, it becomes increasingly difficult to keep the game going, so when little unexplained things start happening or inconsistent occurrences and claims are noticed, there may be something not so innocent as an explanation.

5. You are no longer invited to their company parties

Your behavior: Do you remember the days when you always went to company Christmas parties or summer lunches? He always asked you to come over for a drink with his coworkers if you were free, but suddenly there was a "policy change", or maybe he doesn't offer it anymore.

The innocent explanation: Many companies are cutting out the non-essential and if that means stopping inviting employee partners, that's what they'll do. Or maybe it crossed his mind to invite you without realizing it?

The reason for the fault: If the job invites start falling through, it could be because he's seeing someone at work and doesn't want you to meet her and create an awkward situation…for him, of course.

Psychological signs that a man is cheating on you and feels guilty

To understand if a man is cheating on you, you can often look at the symptoms of deep feelings of guilt on his part. These symptoms mainly occur in the early stages of betrayal. Psychology tells us once again how to know if a man is cheating on you.

6. He is too careful

Your behavior: He spends more time than usual worrying about you. Maybe he unexpectedly buys you gifts or starts helping you babysit more than usual. You can even start doing more things around the house, ironing, washing, or those DIY jobs that have been left unfinished for months.

The innocent explanation: Have you been through a bad time recently? Your boyfriend may have decided to try harder to get things back on track – positive thinking is important in relationships.

The reason for the fault: he feels guilty and wants to remedy the fact that he is having an affair with another woman. These kinds of things often happen in the early stages of a betrayal.

7. Gets easily irritated

Your behavior: When asked what he has done, he begins to fidget and becomes defensive.

The innocent explanation: He may be planning a surprise vacation or romantic date and he doesn't want you to ruin the surprise.

The reason for the fault: he is worried that you are watching him and that he might discover his betrayal.

8. He accuses you of betraying him

Your behavior: This may come as a bit of a surprise to you, but he will probably ask you outright if you're seeing someone else. Men tend to be more direct than women.

The innocent explanation: Although statistics show that men cheat more than women, that doesn't mean you don't have your suspicions. If your relationship is going through a rough patch, that's not an unreasonable explanation, especially if you've stopped talking and communicating openly.

The reason for the fault: It's common for cheaters to suspect their partners are cheating on them simply because they believe that if they get away with it, you can too. This is also how many cheaters deal with their guilt: they try to make themselves feel better by turning the tables. Once you get over the initial shock of being accused of cheating on your man, it might be worth taking a closer look at what he's up to!

How to know if a man is cheating on you: physical signs of betrayal

Psychology explains once again how to understand if a man is cheating on you, through the analysis of physical signs.

9. Has changed

Your behavior: Has your partner started wanting to watch new TV shows, listen to new music, or even buy new clothes or a new aftershave?

The innocent explanation: You may just want to update your look and try new things, or maybe you've discovered a new website or magazine that's giving you some new advice.

The reason for the fault: A new woman often means to him experiencing new things (besides sex) that you are not involved in.

10. She is sexier than ever in bed

Your behavior: Your husband suddenly starts doing something new and amazing when you are in the throes of passion. It could be a new foreplay technique, or maybe even a new sex position you've never heard of before.

The innocent explanation: It may be that you are looking for new sex tips and have been thinking about putting them into practice. Don't criticize your man for trying!

The reason for the fault: One of the most unusual signs that a man is cheating on you, but if this happens more than once and out of the blue, it could be because someone is teaching him something new in another bed!

11. He no longer relates to you

Your behavior: This is almost the opposite of being overly interested in you. Maybe he stopped caring about what you did during the day, or he doesn't say 'I love you' anymore or he doesn't even want to kiss or hug you anymore.

The innocent explanation: Could you be stressed or worried about something? This can often explain mood swings or disinterest and he may not realize that because of his suffering, he is neglecting you.

The reason for the fault: if he starts to become less interested in what you've been doing during the day and how you're feeling, then it's often an indicator that he's experiencing his emotions elsewhere. When kissing stops in a relationship, it's often seen as a huge red flag.

12. You shower more often than usual

Your behavior: Of course, a normal man washes when he needs to, so showering is not a sign of cheating in and of itself. However, he may jump into the shower as soon as he gets home, which, if unusual, might suggest something is underneath.

The innocent explanation: Maybe you just want to cool off when you get home from work, that's fine!

The reason for the fault: he wants to get rid of the smell of another woman's perfume because it is a clear sign of betrayal.

How to know if a man is cheating on you: Psychology explains the reasons.

In addition to how to tell if a man is cheating on you, psychology can also explain the underlying reasons.

There can be many reasons why someone chooses to cheat. First of all, it could have something to do with your self-esteem. Dr. Spelman explains: “Ironically, both low and excessive self-esteem can contribute to betrayal. Someone with low self-esteem may cheat to feel better about what they have to offer, while someone with high levels of self-esteem, to the point of arrogance, may feel like they "deserve" to have sex outside of their relationship because they see themselves as special. and exceptional."

It can also be the result of existing problems in your relationship: “If the relationship is already in trouble or going through a rough patch, I'm much more likely to cheat. Sometimes it can be a cry for attention; on other occasions, it can be invented -consciously or unconsciously- as a way to get out of a relationship that no longer satisfies”.

When should the topic of betrayal be brought up?

If you've spotted any of the above signs and you think a man is cheating on you, what you can do is up to you. You can talk to him knowing that you have evaluated the signs and options. If you want to bring it up, Dr. Spelman says the sooner you do it, the better. She advises: "If you suspect, or have evidence, that your partner is cheating on you, and you're not worried about being physically abused or abused, the sooner you raise the issue, the better."

"Many relationships can and do bounce back after an episode of infidelity, but it can take a lot of hard work, forgiveness, and determination."

Can couples therapy help after being unfaithful?

Dr. Spelman says, “Yes, for many people, couples therapy provides an environment where they can safely discuss the dynamics in their relationship that led to the betrayal in the first place. Betrayal is clearly a very emotional subject and can be very difficult to deal with at home, especially when it comes to all the practical issues of daily life, like young children."

“Couples therapy can also make it easier to resume sexual relationships after infidelity. Understandably, the betrayed partner may find the idea of ​​physical intimacy very difficult at first. It will likely take some time for them to feel comfortable enough to return to a full and satisfying sex life."

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