Promises of love: do they nourish or deceive?

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Louise Hay

Promises of love: do they nourish or deceive?

Promises and commitment are part of the dynamics of any relationship, but not all of them ultimately materialize. Sometimes you have to pay attention to what they say.

Last update: July 16, 2022

Promises of love have always gone hand in hand with romantic love. These are future commitments that are usually celebrated in the most exciting times of the love relationship, out of passion or fear.

Most likely, those who make a promise of love are sincerely willing not to disregard it, but they do not always know that most likely they will not be able to honor that future commitment. That is why very often they are comparable to a lie.

Much of the trust between a couple is based on the credibility of the partner's words. When this proves to be inconsistent or vacillating, trust in the other person also suffers.

Promises of love, in fact, generate expectations that are not always fulfilled. Are they worth saying, then? Or is it better to refrain from them?

"Let's forget the oaths once and for all, if we care about finding ourselves."

-William Shakespeare-

The romantic promises of love

It seems like a paradox, but promises of love have the job of making the partner feel safe and providing stability. The "I will love you for life" is a statement that is intended to give certainty to the other and to forge long-term expectations. The same is true with "there will never be anyone else for me" or "you can always count on me".

Marriage is the formalization of a series of promises. An agreement with which the couple undertakes to adopt precise conduct towards each other. Expectations would like it to be like this forever.

There are those who interpret the promises of love as part of the initial enthusiasm. Whoever makes the promise hears from the bottom of their hearts what he says, but that does not mean that he can change in the future.

Other people, on the other hand, cling to those promises as the castaway does with a life preserver. A person who already suffers from emotional deficiencies, who is addicted or who recognizes the maximum fulfillment of his desire for life in the relationship can take that promise much more seriously and deeply.

The promises of love and the conflict

There are, then, other much more problematic promises of love. They are the ones we do after a problem or a couple quarrel. Very often it is promised that a certain behavior will never be repeated that both of them consider reprehensible.

"I will not lie to you again" or "I will never betray you again", to give a couple of examples. More than romantic promises, these are the ones that, if disregarded, can make you lose trust in your partner. In addition to this, they are a spy for toxic relationships, those in which the value of the word fades with the passage of time.

The consequences of these broken promises are disappointment and communication which deteriorates. Everything the other person says is less and less credible, so the promises start to lose value.

A harmful dialogue takes shape, in which reproach, lack of trust in the couple and the feeling that words are useless prevail. All this wears out the relationship, which to be healthy should be based precisely on comparison.

Forgive or revise the value given to promises?

The broken promises of love very often result in further promises, in struggling attempts to run for cover or in forgiveness not granted. It may happen that the partner does not keep his word due to exceptional unforeseen events. 

The fact that at that moment it is not possible to keep the commitment made does not mean that we will never succeed again. In these cases, forgiveness is a new beginning, a new pact that this time will materialize.

Nevertheless, it is important to evaluate the weight we give to the word in our relationship. Stability, both peace of mind and even affection depend on it. Nothing gives the relationship more solidity than trust and dialogue.

Perhaps the solution is not to respect the promise of love made to the letter, but rather think carefully before formulating it or do it only if it is really possible to respect it.

The "forever" or the "never again"

Promises of love that include words like "always" or "never" are generally difficult, if not impossible, to keep. We are subject to constant change and this must be taken into consideration before we state that we will always behave in the same way towards our partner.

On matters of some importance it is essential to carefully weigh the contents of the promises. Maybe we should set more precise timelines or adapt them to possible circumstances. Giving new value to the word helps to build healthier relationships, in which joy prevails over disappointment and trust over mistrust.

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