Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: December 14, 2021
Perfect affection is possible, and that perfection lies in tolerating flaws, living outside the ideal world of Disney, giving oneself unconditionally, idealizations and blind responsibilities.
It is not a half-hearted affection nor an addictive, aggressive, passive or victimizing affection. This certainly constitutes a great challenge. It is difficult to build a love that is beyond idealization or that, at least, gives a weighted weight to expectations.
It is important to underline that when we talk about defects to be tolerated, we are not referring to mistreatment, aggression or any other destructive conduct: these are intolerable attitudes and totally to be condemned.
Falling in love means loving things in common, loving means falling in love with differences
Falling in love means loving things in common, but loving means falling in love with differences. We define stable love as true love, just enough to move beyond infatuation and lead the relationship towards acceptance.
The defects that we can tolerate are small mistakes or different habits (for example, not taking out the trash in time, leaving the clothes hanging, giving priority to other things when they are of little importance, leaving the toothpaste open, etc.).
The combination of disagreements cannot define a relationship, otherwise we will talk about a nightmare. When choosing who we will share the rest of our life with, it is important to think carefully about what is healthy and what is not.
If this analysis is not done correctly, there will likely be fatal flaws in the stability of the feeling and the relationship.
The perfect affection: every exchange forms the couple
In many ways, the couple's conflict is simply based on different habits and / or priorities. In this sense, we must make an effort so that these distinctions are reconcilable.
Because? Because there is no better view than another in matters that do not harm our inner selves or our long-term expectations. Where we leave our socks is neither a relevant nor a fundamentally important issue.
In love we must speak as an equal. This means that we must become aware of the obligation to tolerate manifestations with which we do not agree and which are not basic.
Somehow, shared experiences build us as people involved in a feeling. This is true commitment, perfect affection. To maintain it, we must constantly examine our needs from the beginning, avoiding attributing the responsibility for our discomfort to the defects that we contemplate in the couple.
Feelings, unlike passions, persist over time and do not break easily. Loving someone for their beauty isn't love, it's infatuation. Loving him for his intelligence is not love, it is admiration. However, perfect affection, on the other hand, allows you to love him without knowing why, this is true love.
Let's say that time builds the love of two people who work, accept and obtain their respective differences and peculiarities. This goes beyond falling in love, creating the magic of unconditional mutual acceptance between two individuals.
Perfect affection balances our impulses inside and out. It is the core that keeps the machinery of our shared projects running. The most intense and invincible force is the one that unites us to understanding, to acceptance.
This includes appreciation and gratitude, respect for the person and personal space, freedom, trust and communication. In this way it will be possible to talk about shared projects, the happiness of being next to the loved one and generosity.
Because? Because we live in a world where couple relationships are increasingly conflicting because we seek perfection without realizing that we are, by our very nature, imperfect.
Taking this into account, we will realize that only imperfect love given by perfect affection can save us from unhappiness. And fortunately it is.
There is no perfect match. In fact, being a “nice couple” doesn't mean not having problems, but knowing how to solve them. To love means, in some way, to be in love with the respective differences. See the good and bad things about our couple without anesthesia.
Loving and being loved is the most beautiful thing in the world: that's how you find tenderness, harmony, trust, sincerity, value, you and me, tomorrow is forever and I'm happy if you are. Because where there is love, the heart listens to its favorite music.