People who never ask for help

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Louise Hay

People who never ask for help

We are social animals and one of the biggest advantages is being able to help each other. There are, however, people who are unable to ask for help, for different reasons. What are the reasons and how to react?

Last update: June 04, 2020

Everyone can go through a difficult time or find themselves in a situation where they need a hand. There are, however, people who never ask for help from others or who do it with great difficulty. This difficulty, which may have different reasons, hinders us and prevents us from moving forward.

For many people, asking for help is difficult; they consider it a sign of weakness, they don't have enough social skills to do it, they don't know where to turn ...

In this way, they end up facing every difficulty alone, sometimes even knowing that they are destined to fail without the help of others. Why do they do it? The reasons can be varied.

People who never ask for help from others: why?

Wrong beliefs

Some of us think it is unfair to make others waste time helping or listening to us. They certainly have better things to do! It is a common idea that distances us from others and prevents us from seeking support.

Lack of assertiveness

Among the "assertive rights" there is the right to ask for help, even in the knowledge that others can provide it or refuse it.

Being assertive is nothing more than defending our needs, the ability to communicate what we think or need in an open and clear way.

Low self-esteem

In relation to what we have just seen, people who do not seek help from others often suffer from low self-esteem. They attach little value to their needs or deny them altogether, putting those of others first.

Low self-esteem is paired with a tendency to demand too much of oneself and one's ability to overcome. A request for help, in this case, is interpreted as confirming one's inferiority or weakness.

Lack of accountability

Another possible reason for us to do everything ourselves is the belief that others should offer their help, spontaneously. People who never seek help often place responsibility on others, making them feel guilty for not helping.

The pride of people who never ask for help from others

Linked to the previous point, pride is one of the main reasons why we prefer not to ask for help. It gives a lot of satisfaction to do everything by yourself, to overcome one's limits, to feel capable; however, it is a double-edged sword.

On the one hand, our pride may encourage us to blame others for not helping or it can lead us to fail. On the other hand, overcoming an obstacle or completing a task becomes more a matter of demonstrating our skills to others than to feel satisfaction in having done it alone.

Negative experiences

At the base of this block, there may be previous experiences of asking for help but not getting it. Especially if connected to the reasons already seen, this leads to generalizing the experience and losing faith in others.

Fear of rejection

Another reason that prevents us from clinging to others is the fear of being rejected or the fear that others do not want or can help.

This attitude it does not mean so much denying the right to ask for help as denying others the right to refuse it. In this case, it is a question of being little understanding or insecure in the face of a possible negative response.

People who never ask for help from others. Some useful strategies

Here are some tips dedicated to those who have difficulty asking for help.

  • Express your problem and their needs.
  • Express yourself confidently. We cannot expect others to offer us help, but we have the right to ask for it.
  • Trust in others, in their good intentions and in their honesty, in their ability to answer frankly whether they can help us or not.
  • Be grateful, appreciate the help or the intention to help you even when you do not get the desired result.

People tend to isolate those unable to ask for help because it prevents them from really knowing who we are. The result is enormous frustration.

It is therefore important to be aware of the fact that asking for help is our right and, often, in addition to being useful to ourselves, it also makes the people around us happy.

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