When people have not been loved in the first years of life they tend to be wary and obsessive about love. They also develop a strongly oppressive attachment.
Last update: July 25, 2022
The lack of affection leaves an indelible mark on the development of the human being. People who have not received love structure a large part of their being around this great lack. The absence of love is in itself a form of mistreatment that decisively affects the perception that one has of oneself and of reality.
The echo of lack of love can determine a whole life, with effects that are reflected on all stages of development. A child raised with emotional deficiencies will have a weaker temperament, lower academic performance, and more fear and aggression in the face of everything. It is also easier for you to develop addictions.
"Not being loved is a simple misfortune, the real misfortune is not loving."
-Albert Camus-
People who have not received love approach adult life in a disadvantaged position. They struggle to understand who they are, so they need more time to find their vocation and their place in the world. Nothing satisfies them entirely.
One of the areas on which this situation has the greatest repercussions is undoubtedly that of love relationships and relationships between friends. Lack of affection is often devastating.
Distrust, the stigma in people who have not received love
People who have not received love are easily invaded by fears of all kinds. One of the effects of love is, in fact, generating security and stability. A lack of it, on the other hand, gives the feeling of always being on the edge of the abyss.
This is reflected in a basic distrust: they don't trust themselves and even less trust others. A streak of suspicion arises towards everything related to love. With difficulty they manage to have spontaneous relationships with others, and the bonds created are based on tension and difficulties.
This mistrust is further exacerbated when love appears on the horizon. Faced with the first signs of intimacy, people who have not received love withdraw into a state of alert. This often leads them to flee, lock up, or become obsessive.
Unbounded idealization and obsession
One of the worst aspects of emotional deficiency is that it leads to an overwhelming idealization of love. Unknowingly, fantasies arise about the saving or restorative effects of love. One comes to believe that it will be love that will finally make one's life full and rich. This leads to incredibly high expectations of what the partner will have to give within the couple.
People who have never been loved lose control when love arrives. They don't know how to behave, they can't let it flow freely. They don't deal with it naturally, which is why they develop a series of obsessions about it.
It is common for these people to develop a real fixation towards couple love, fueling an unhealthy attachment. They would like the other to take care of them as a father or mother would in childhood. For this reason, in addition to being suspicious and with delusions of control, they are often also very demanding. Love becomes a real problem.
Is there a way out?
Unfortunately, these people deal with love the wrong way. They do not see the presence of affection as a factor that fills their life, but as a reality that fills them with anxiety. This is why it is easy for them to sabotage the couple's relationships, with their fears and their questions. Sometimes, with their hermeticism and their lack of trust. It may happen that after a negative love experience, they definitely flee from love.
There is no way out of this painful situation other than by restoring the universe of one's emotions. Difficult to do without the help of a professional. In these cases, it is necessary to return, mentally and emotionally, to the stages of life in which the injuries were inflicted. Face them head on, clean them up and heal them where possible.
Some of that emptiness will remain forever, but after dealing with it it will be much easier to understand where it hurts, how it hurts, and what to expect. The chances of establishing much healthier romantic relationships increase dramatically. With a little work, the wound will finally heal.
