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    Pause for reflection in love: what is it and how to behave

    Who I am
    Robert Maurer
    @robertmaurer
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    The pause for reflection is one of the most discussed solutions even by psychologists. It's about a delicate decision e important, which must be taken with a cool head and in the face of some very clear and elaborate reasoning.

    In fact, it is useless to ask "is the pause for reflection in love necessary?" because as we will see later, its effectiveness depends solely on how you and your partner will deal with it. So here we are, ready to understand how to behave during the pause for reflection and how to make it an improvement and union path.



    If you are here instead, why are you undergoing a pause for reflection, and you believe that your partner is close to the final breakup, then I suggest you take this short test right away to evaluate your chances of winning him back:

    Pause for reflection: psychology

    In the psychological realm, the pause for reflection is something that splits the experts' view in two. Some consider it useless and harmful, while others reward and recommend it. Indeed, even in psychology there is no universally right answer, as each relationship is a world of its own.



    What I'm trying to tell you is that the reflection pause might be right for your couple, just as it might not be for another. What makes the difference are the partner that make up the relationship and the situation where they are located.

    Basically, the pause for reflection can be a useful, interesting and constructive starting point, if it comes dealt with correctly. On the contrary, a mere departure to think about your own business will only further distance you.

    As some psychologists underline, the pause for reflection is used to think, to grow, to improve and to find the answers to the most important questions. In this way, no pause for reflection can be useless or harmful, since it is experienced as a improvement path for the couple, which can only benefit from it.

    Consequently, if you are thinking about taking a break from your partner, know that the purpose does not have to be to disappear, make your life, go out, have fun or have fun. Not at all. If you want the pause for reflection to work, you will have to put yourself in work on yourself with commitment and seriousness.

    Is the pause for reflection in love useful?

    As we said, this question cannot be answered universally. The right answer is: it depends on how you set it up and al meaning you give it.


    In any case, we must admit that the pause for reflection is a solution that mainly interests couples who are experiencing a difficult moment or crisis. On the other hand, if everything went well, there wouldn't be much need to think about it, would it?


    However, it's also possible that things are going well and that only one partner wants to take a short time for himself. In any case, we must not delude ourselves too much. Who relies on the pause for reflection understand if he is still in love will meet a disappointment.

    When you are in love you know it. You feel it. Consequently, if you are thinking of taking a pause for reflection to see if you love your partner, they are there something big wrong. This period of detachment must serve to let you breathe, to grow, to better understand some dynamics of your couple and to allow you to come back stronger than before.

    If the purpose of the reflection pause is "I have to figure out if I still love him / her", then you can be sure it won't help. I realize that this is a very complex and delicate issue. This is why, in case you were realizing that the reflection pause is nothing more than the antechamber of the end of the relationship I advise you not to waste too much time and immediately run for cover. Like? Dedicating yourself to reading this manual:


    Pause for reflection: how long should it last?

    Just as with the principle of no contact, the pause for reflection must also have a certain duration. In fact, in order for it to work and lead to improvements, it is necessary to give yourself the right time away. This means that it should neither be too short nor too long.


    Usually, a good pause for reflection is around two weeks. Making it last less would be completely useless, and making it last longer could become risky. As we have seen, the purpose of the reflection pause is also to allow you to understand and feel how do you feel without your partner.

    And to understand it, 3 or 5 days will not be enough, since in these first days only yours will fail routine. The pause for reflection, on the other hand, is something that goes deeper than habits: that's why you have to give yourself more time.

    On the other hand, however, taking a break of a month (or more) could expose you to considerable risks. During this time, in fact, you might even get used to being without your partner, and stop asking the typical questions of a pause for reflection.

    However, I would like to point out that the two weeks we are talking about here are indicative. There is no mathematical rule or perfectly right to rely on. More generally, we can say that the pause for reflection must reflect yours mood and the situation you are in. This is the best way to make the right decision, knowing it will help you find yourself stronger than before.

    Pause for reflection: how to behave?

    So far we have been able to talk about the pause for reflection in a theoretical way. Now instead, let's move on to the practice phase, the one in which you will understand how face this period in the best possible way. Thanks to these four tips, your pause for reflection will be a moment of construction, and not a simple departure:

    Stop contacting

    The pause for reflection in the couple implies a clear detachment and separation. The only way to be able to clarify your mind is for evaluate your life without your partner is to cut relationships with him / her and with the routine you used to have.

    So, for two weeks, or for the time you decide to set aside for the pause for reflection, you will have to try not to hear each other. This point is extremely important so that the detachment can really be of any use; that is why it is essential that set the record straight right away.

    Respect

    This, as mentioned at the beginning, is one of the most typical mistakes that we tend to make during the pause for reflection. In fact it is true, we must stop contacting and everything that refers to the couple, but not for this we must behave as if the other person no longer exists and as if you were "allowed" to live your life without having to give the slightest explanation.

    The pause for reflection does not work like that, otherwise you would just let yourself go. Taking your own space is right, but always remember that on the other side there is a person who loves you. As a result, avoid acting like you're single by going to party after party with your friends and not thinking about your partner.

    The pause for reflection is for reflection; otherwise it would have been called a fun break. Don't be superficial and give due weight to the path that you and your partner have decided to undertake, with all the respect, love and emotional intelligence it deserves.

    No to "nail crushes nail"

    Another very common mistake typical of the pause for reflection in love is dating with other people. This is simply harmful to your couple, and for this I invite you to talk seriously about it with your partner.

    Always keep in mind that the purpose of the reflection pause is to think, improve and find yourself, not to open one short parenthesis of a new life within the relationship. Also why, what do you think your partner would think?

    That you are madly in love with him / her? Are you giving your all to save the relationship? What are you facing this period in a mature way? Come on, let's not fool ourselves. We know what he would think: the exact same things you would think too.

    Dating another person is distracting and exposes you to truly enormous risks. Also, it will not help you in any way other than to create further confusion in your life. Listen to me, keeping one foot in both shoes will do nothing but make things worse.

    The analysis phase and the new union

    The pause for reflection can help you brighten dark areas of both yourself and the relationship you are experiencing. However, to make it really effective, both of you need to wear ideas and new ideas on the pitch when the break is over.

    If you find yourself looking into each other's eyes without taking the slightest step forward, it won't do any good. During the detachment phase, therefore, if you believe it can help you, write down your thoughts somewhere.

    In this way you will make them even more concrete, arriving in front of your partner being able to tell him "I think I understand where we can work to improve".

    This is a mature way to take a pause for reflection and, above all, it is the best way to do not make your efforts in vain.

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