Over time we love more, but fewer people

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Robert Maurer
@robertmaurer
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“Friends are to be sought like good books. Happiness does not depend on their numbers and on their being curious; but few and good ”said Mateo Alemán, a Spanish writer. And the truth is that he was not wrong, because over time we learn to love more, but fewer people. It is certain that life experiences mean that our circle of friends progressively reduces to include only a few carefully selected people. It does not mean that we become numb or anti-social, but that we are separating the wheat from the weeds and finally understand that it is not the quantity, but the quality of the relationships we build, that matters.

Years help to make better choices

As we grow and mature, another phenomenon also occurs: our priorities change and we are more interested in surrounding ourselves with people who really matter, people who bring something and look in the same direction as us. To the extent that we have less to live, we realize that time is a precious commodity and it is understandable that we only want to share it with certain people. So, little by little, we reduce our circle of friends. In this regard, a study conducted at the University of Rochester revealed that at the age of 20 we prioritize the quantity of friends over quality, and we feel good like this. But as the years go by we begin to prioritize quality over quantity. From the age of 30, having true friends helps us stay away from depression and loneliness, improving our emotional balance.

Friendship doubles the joys and halves the sadness

Throughout our life, our concept of friendship is changing. During childhood practically all classmates are our friends, but when we reach adolescence and youth we begin to select the group of friends, which soon turns into a closed circle, but with which we feel a sense of belonging because we share. the same interests and values. In that period of life we ​​are looking for our identity, but later, around the age of 30, when we have found our place in the world and we know what we want, we better select the people around us, we choose them based on what they bring and how they make us feel. At that moment we want people next to us who not only double our joy, but who also help us relieve the pain. We want friends who understand us and make us feel that we are important to them.

Over time, we learn to value friendship and become better friends

Over time we not only choose our friends better, but we also realize their importance. The experiences we have lived have shown us the importance of having a shoulder to cry on, a person who motivates us when no one else does or simply someone who is on our side. Therefore, we compensate for the "friends" we are losing with relationships. more mature, profound and demanding. We love fewer people, but we love them more, we compromise more. With these soul friends we create a deeper bond that not only stands the test of time, but also disagreements and differences of opinion. We can get mad at them, but we know they will always be on our side when we need them. Certainly in the age of social networks, where many are obsessed with the number of friends and even brag about how many followers they have this is a message we should be about. think carefully.
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