Last update: February 11, 2015
Among the desires and aspirations of most people is to be loved and valued by another person. But how can anyone else love you if you are not capable of loving yourself? This topic is often difficult to deal with, first of all because it is very complex and, secondly, because it can be very subjective. However, the question is basically simple, and Oscar Wilde grasped it perfectly: “Loving yourself is the beginning of a lifelong love story“.
This is a very subjective consideration, because people often have a tendency to underestimate themselves and to blindly believe that they need someone else to be happy or, even worse, they always need the approval of others to feel good about themselves. And this is a bad habit that they have instilled in us since we were little.
What society dictates
We must consider that it is a widespread practice to impose on the little ones a series of rules or prohibitions, contrary to their nature, which inculcate by dint of stimuli (positive or negative) their duty to adapt to the norms of society. We teach them that the most important thing is not to disturb, annoy or annoy others, even more important than feeling truly satisfied with who we are. For example, this is what we do when we tell a child: “Don't draw blue cows, they don't exist! You have to draw them as they really are ”.
Even the constant threat "What will people think?" it severely limits the people who decide to live by following this mantra. But not only is it impossible to always please "the people", there are two other lessons that we must learn: the first is that "the people" should also please us, that is to say that we should not only respect others, but also the opposite; and the second is that there is a thing called "individuality", and that we therefore have the right to live according to our values, desires and aspirations, and this must be respected.
So when are you getting married?
What is the point of this spiel on individual thinking and social pressures? Simple: society has historically always put pressure on us that at a certain age we have to get married, have children and start a family. If you are in your 20s or 30s, you may have met some old acquaintance and been involved in one of those usual moralistic conversations in which the question: "So when are you getting married?"
And that's why for many, life becomes a race for marriage, an anxiety to start relationships with those who "love" or who make them feel loved. But, while it can hurt, the truth is that it often turns out to be a mistake, which is why the number of divorces is getting higher and higher today. In reality many are unable to accept themselves, do not allow themselves mistakes and are too rigid in their life; and they expect the same behavior from others, especially from the person with whom they have decided to share their life. But if they don't love and accept themselves as they are, how can they expect anyone else to love them?
Living the life
Laugh, make mistakes and learn from them, make fun of yourself when something goes wrong with you. Life is meant to be lived and enjoyed: when we try to obey meaningless rules (many of which don't really have a rationale) we waste the time we should devote to introspection, to knowing, respecting and loving each other as we are, to recognize our virtues (because we all have them). When we can do it, ad love each other as we should, magically we will also meet the right person, who will love us as we are, without masks that hide a part of our nature.
Image courtesy of Ken Bosma.