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    Love doesn't have to be perfect but authentic

    Who I am
    Robert Maurer
    @robertmaurer
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    Each person has his own ideas regarding love, even if it is difficult to completely break away from popular imagination. Indeed, romantic films and children's stories convey to us, in one way or another, an idealized image of love, an image that has established itself in our unconscious and determines our choices. So, without realizing it, we look for the "perfect" person, and at the slightest problem we question the relationship, thinking that we have made the wrong choice.


    Of course, there is nothing wrong with looking for a person who shares our interests and values, and goes in the same direction as us. In fact, we shouldn't be satisfied with less. But that doesn't mean we should seek perfection, among many reasons, because it doesn't exist.


    To enjoy full love it does not need to be perfect, but authentic, this means that both people must have done a hard inner work. Love needs a place to feel safe, it needs both to exist and survive, so if one doesn't love oneself enough, one won't even be able to love.

    The value of authenticity in the couple

    Being authentic simply means being who we are, without wearing masks. An authentic person is a coherent person, who acts according to his ideas and emotions. But in everyday life it's not always easy to be authentic, because sometimes to fit in we have to play social roles that involve wearing masks.

    In fact, when we meet someone who attracts us and we try to impress this person by showing our best side, we are using a mask. And we are so used to embodying different roles that these are already part of our life so much that some have even forgotten their true "me".


    However, a lack of authenticity in a relationship is bad because it involves constant acting, which is also tiring.


    If you need to play a role with your partner it is because, deep down, you believe that he will not accept or love your true "me", so you prefer to hide it, or at least part of it.

    Obviously, a relationship of this type is stressful and, in the end, it will not make you happy but will only generate deep dissatisfaction, the dissatisfaction of not being able to be yourself, because you think you will be judged. This is a very unpleasant feeling that, sooner or later, will damage the relationship.

    Lack of authenticity is also distrust

    In a sense, not being authentic with your partner means not completely trusting the other, having preconceptions about him / her and believing that they will judge us negatively. For this reason we prefer to hide some aspects of our true "me".

    But in this way we will not give the other the opportunity to decide, to get to know each other intimately, with our strengths and weaknesses. By placing this barrier we will also be sending the message that we don't want to know it, so the other person is likely to feel rejected or judged.

    On the contrary, when both people behave in an authentic way they exchange a very clear message: “you are important enough to me for me to interact without masks, showing you my essence without any fear”. Only from this interaction can full acceptance arise, which will give way to a mature and constructive love.


    To love is not to be made for each other, but to build each other

    The myth of the better half implies that there is someone somewhere in the world made for us. However, in reality, love does not consist in meeting the perfect person, made especially for us, but progressively changing along the way, because we become aware that this is the person we wish to have next to us.

    This illustrator could not have expressed it better with these tender images that show us that love has its roots in being authentic and enjoying what we like in the company of the other:


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