Losing love: how to recognize the symptoms?

Who I am
Robert Maurer


Loss of love doesn't usually come without warning, it goes with warning signs. It happens that sometimes we don't pay enough attention to the signs that the relationship is running out of steam, either because we live too busy lives, because we assume that love will last a lifetime or simply because it terrifies us to recognize that the relationship has no future.

While we like to believe that love is for life, a very popular myth that has fueled both seventh art and romantic literature, the truth is that infatuation, passion, and a desire to be together can have an expiration date, especially of these times, when liquid relationships are the order of the day.

Some psychologists claim that the loss of love in the couple begins in a period ranging from six months to two years after the start of the relationship. Of course, it doesn't mean that people don't love each other, but that they move on to another stage in the life of a couple.

The good news is that not everyone shares that idea: some psychologists believe that love can also improve over the years, like a fine wine. But for this to happen, the couple must make an effort to feed the flame.

The main symptoms of the end of love

When conflicts become daily bread, your partner irritates you more than usual, the sexual desire has disappeared and the caresses and details are evident by their absence, it is likely that the end of love has already settled in the relationship. If you want to save the relationship, it is essential to take action before reaching that point. This is why it is so important to learn to recognize the first signs of a loss of love.

  1. Loss of joy which means being together

When we are in love we want to spend time as a couple because the relationship makes us feel comfortable and happy. When the encounters become more sporadic or the positive feelings they generated disappear, the person probably no longer awakens the same positive feelings. In the most extreme cases we may even lose the desire to be around him, so we can invent excuses to avoid the most intimate encounters.

  1. Absence of acts of affection, praise and details

Love is not only felt, it is also demonstrated. Therefore, one of the main symptoms of out-of-love is a decrease in expressions of affection. When the partner no longer matters much to us, the spontaneous daily caresses and small details that make life better and more enjoyable disappear. Laughter and complicity are lost. Manifestations of love are replaced by expressions of boredom, apathy or indifference.

  1. Reduction of joint projects

When a couple loves each other, it is normal for them to have projects in common because they both share more and more activities, interests and goals in life. Therefore, a sign of losing love is that agendas are divided, so that the other person has less and less space in our life. In these cases, the individual space ends up imposing itself on the shared spaces and the common projects fade until they disappear.

  1. Communication impoverishment

We do not all have the same communication skills, but when there is love we always try to achieve understanding. We give up to reach an intermediate point that allows the relationship to work. When love ends, communication problems appear, both because there are more recriminations and arguments, often for trivial reasons, and because communication is so impoverished that it is practically reduced to monosyllables. In the latter case, the couple is likely to be together but absent because they only share physical presence.

  1. Intolerance towards the behavior of the other

One of the hardest symptoms of the loss of love is the aversion that the partner can cause. When we feel that we no longer have anything in common with the other, we will stop looking at him through the prism of love and we will begin to see him through gray lenses, so that all his flaws and errors grow and become unbearable in our eyes. We develop intolerance towards the mistakes of the other, even the most irrelevant, which quickly become a source of anger or disgust and end up generating discussions.

  1. Fantasies of infidelity

Basically, the lack of love is due to the fact that the couple relationship no longer adequately satisfies the needs of at least one of the members. Therefore, it is not surprising that the decrease in pleasurable fantasies with the partner is followed by fantasies with another person. If we feel a feeling of lack of love, it is normal for us to start looking at others more, to find other people more attractive and, in some cases, we may even go as far as infidelity.

  1. Loss of sexual desire

One of the most obvious signs of lack of love is the physical separation of the partner. Not only does the desire for the other disappear, but also the need for intimacy and physical closeness that unites hearts. In other cases, the sexual sphere becomes simply monotonous and devoid of stimuli. Kisses and caresses do not disappear but become automatic acts that mean little to the other.

It is worth clarifying that the absence of expressions of affection or the loss of sexual desire are not always symptoms of loss of love. In some cases, stress, pathological sadness, the existence of any emotional disturbance or a particularly difficult stage in life lead to the omission of gestures of affection or sexual interest, without necessarily implying that it is beginning to end. 'love.

The stages of the loss of love, a complex process

Losing love doesn't usually happen overnight. It is usually a gradual process where you lose interest in the other person and the relationship.

The first stage is usually the loss of passion. The couple are together, but they begin to feel that nothing is the same as before, they have lost their initial flame and emotion when they are together. At this point the relationship becomes more monotonous.

In the second phase of the lack of love, the compromise with the relationship begins to collapse. One of the people distances himself, so that the relationship begins to weaken emotionally. At this point the couple begins to lead an increasingly separate life.

In the last phase of the lack of love appears the disappointment. The imperfections of the other become more visible and some of their characteristics or behaviors become incompatible and intolerable. What was previously positive becomes negative and the feeling that the relationship has no future is strengthened because it is very difficult to recover the illusion.

It is important to note that many times this process does not happen in a linear fashion. In some cases, you can alternate phases of love and periods of disaffection. In these circumstances, the partner is loved and snubbed at the same time, due to what we could define as a "incomplete disaffectionWhich is the product of the ambivalence of feelings.

Is it possible to reverse the lack of love?

Being in love is not the same as loving. Falling in love is a process deeply mediated by brain chemistry because a large number of hormones are released, such as oxytocin and vasopressin, which are mainly responsible for the sensation of having butterflies in the stomach, we feel in the clouds or we believe that the ' other person is perfect. Love, on the other hand, is a deeper and more solid feeling based on a more realistic image of the other and of the relationship.

This means that the chemical reactions we experience early in infatuation can disappear. It is at that precise moment that love comes into play. Therefore, when the infatuation disappears, we can fight back by nurturing a more mature love that allows us to rediscover each other - truly - and accept the other for who they are - with their virtues and flaws.

To achieve this, however, we must commit ourselves to the report and be convinced that it is worth it. If we have completely lost the illusion, feel disappointed or simply decide that this is not what we want, the disaffection will not go away.

We must be ready to understand when love ends and know how to determine if it is a couple crisis or a definitive breakup. Refusing to acknowledge that we have stopped loving a person or that they have stopped loving us will not stop the process of losing love, but will only prolong the agony causing more serious problems from which it will be more difficult to recover.

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