Being a lonely person does not mean having to give up on love, on the contrary. The lonely person wants love, but at the same time is well aware of the type of relationship they need and what they expect from their partner. Perhaps it is precisely because of this awareness that finding the right person is not easy.
Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: 15 November 2022
Lonely people and love is a possible combination? We often think of solitary people as out-of-context figures, strangers to the social world, timid hardened people who are rarely understood. Nothing further from reality. A lonely person does not give up on social relationships or hesitates when the opportunity for a sentimental bond arises.
Of course, the solitary lifestyle is complicated and contradictory when it has to fit in with sentimental needs. When a person chooses solitude, he adapts to an unplanned lifestyle.
There are no rules or bonds with anyone, the home environment is designed for one person only and the activities to be carried out are decided on the spot. The loner does not like forcing or having to compromise with other people.
So how to fit one's personality with the desire to meet a true, authentic and lasting love? There are several strategies, but the character and needs of the future partner will have to align with the single-seat universe built by the lonely person.
Loneliness, as Arthur Schopenhauer pointed out, is the fate of all eminent spirits. Finding a person who perceives life in the same way is undoubtedly the best of luck.
Lonely people and love: how to find it?
These people are often referred to as "lone wolves". A definition that is not exactly suitable given that wolves live in packs and have a strong team spirit. Bears, koalas or lion fish are more solitary, fascinating marine creatures capable of hitting all animals that come within range with their poisonous fins.
In nature, there are many solitary creatures. In the human world, lonely people are in any case integrated into a social context and have learned with a certain ease to move in the two spheres (solitary and social).
Solitary people are men and women who, although capable of integrating into social groups, resort when they can to their own solitary sphere. Loneliness as a life choice does not cause pain, but gives balance and fulfillment.
The loner still has his own circle of friends and does not give up on love since everyone, loners or not, is looking for a relationship that can give us joy and affection. So how do you find love if you are a lonely person? Here are some things to consider.
The search for a partner: desire or need?
Do you want to find a person to love, with whom to share projects, experiences and the future? Or do you rather need a person to alleviate your loneliness? It is important to clarify this aspect. There are many people who define themselves as loners, proud to lead a life that they like and in which they feel fulfilled.
Yet often it is not the life they have chosen, but that it is theirs. A fate that sometimes pushes them to seek love in a desperate way, which relieves pain and loneliness. This is not the best approach in finding a partner. First of all, you need to love your loneliness, learning to appreciate yourself unconditionally.
Only then will you be ready to look for someone special. Only in this way will you be ready to find love out of desire and not out of necessity.
What kind of relationship are you looking for?
If you wonder how to find love if you are a lonely person, start by understanding what kind of relationship you are looking for. Maybe you don't want to come to a coexistence, but prefer to share time, life and projects with this person only on weekends.
Or maybe you prefer to approach the relationship calmly, without compromises or obligations, leaving time to clarify where it will go.
The important thing is to be clear about what kind of relationship you are looking for and, at the same time, inform your partner of this so that false expectations are not created about your relationship.
In a world where people feel lonely, lonely people have an edge
Difficult, antisocial, unpleasant ... lonely people receive these and many other epithets for their way of being. As we have seen, nothing could be more wrong. In a world where most people feel lonely, lonely people have an advantage.
In fact, these do not feel pain or discomfort towards their condition. On the contrary, they make full use of their time, because they are the ones who have chosen this lifestyle. A big plus.
As we see we are not facing extraterrestrials, indeed, there are not all these differences between us and them. A person who is comfortable with himself and his lifestyle is a person who intrigues and is admired. Those who have learned to enjoy their solitude have fewer fears, less insecurities. People who like them and who are easy to fall in love with.
Take advantage of your temperance, your reflexivity, your openness and that strength that defines you in the face of difficulties.
Lonely people and love: looking for connections
In an increasingly globalized world, there are many people who live in solitude. There are more lonely people than you think, men and women who perceive the world exactly as you do. Fortunately, our technology-based society offers several communication channels that are worth leveraging.
In these spaces we can find people with our same affinity. There are many dating apps where everyone can tell each other and tell what they are looking for and expecting from a relationship.
Knowing what we want it is possible to find the person we want. The key is to be honest about the type of relationship we want and not seek out a person just to alleviate our loneliness.
Finding love if you are a lonely person is not a contradiction or an impossible mission. If that's what you really want, just open up to this possibility.