Learning to be alone after a breakup

Learning to be alone after a breakup

When a relationship ends, taking time to be alone can help you grieve, heal, and start over. Find out how to take advantage and enjoy this phase.

Learning to be alone after a breakup

Last update: February 01, 2022

Being in a relationship offers many personal and social benefits. As a rule, we feel loved and supported by someone. We feel that relatives and acquaintances accept us because we are in a relationship. It is therefore not surprising that many people are afraid of being single. However, learning to be alone is essential.



Nobody can assure us the continuity of our relationships, and when these end, we can feel an emptiness, that we have lost our value, our identity and our projects.

However, learn to live with the loneliness is necessary to heal and grow; above all, because the choice of the next partner must be a decision and not a necessity.

Learning to be alone after a breakup

If you feel that being alone is a frightening experience, synonymous with failure or lack, you are experiencing very common feelings. Many people have unhappy and unhealthy relationships out of fear of loneliness; for the same reason, others move from one relationship to another.

If your relationship is over and you are determined to give yourself some time, to invest in yourself, we will give you some ideas to take advantage of this phase.

Understanding the importance of loneliness

This first step is essential. We need to be clear on why it is worth taking some time in solitude because, otherwise, at the first fear or setback you will be looking outside for what should come from within.


Being alone allows you to discover yourself, get to know yourself and improve the relationship with yourself. It allows you to invest in yourself, the dedication and energy given to the ex partner and, above all, it helps to grow.


Strengthen self-love

When a relationship ends, we lose our main source of love, support, understanding and validation. Therefore, and so that the void does not overwhelm us, we must learn to fill it ourselves. If we struggle to be alone, we probably don't have strong self-esteem, maybe we don't consider ourselves precious or gods.

It is the perfect time for start talking and treating each other with love, accompanying each other with compassion and respect. Let's think about everything we have been able to do for the person we loved and now let's do it with ourselves.

Define new projects

Without wanting to, and often without realizing it, when we are in a relationship we end up putting aside our personal interests, hobbies and projects. Our attention and commitment are focused on the partner and we almost forget who we are.

After the breakup, we can resume the activities that so much there they liked and that we had abandoned, we can recover our dreams, projects and enthusiasm we had as individuals. It can also be a great time to set new plans and goals for the future.

Working on fears to learn to be alone

To learn to be alone, this is an essential condition: we must recognize fears and work on them so that they do not dominate.


Society is made for couples and this marital status is rewarded and strengthened externally. This leads us to think that being single we are incomplete.

Thus can appear the fear of rejection, of shame, that others think we are invalid. On the other hand, other fears can be added, such as the fear of not enjoying a relationship anymore.


If you can't rationalize these thoughts, you may be living with a worry so great that it leads you to get back with your ex partner or bond with the first person you think is doable. This will only cause long-term discomfort; so work on your fears and you will keep a good part of your freedom.


Take care of yourself to learn how to be alone

During the first few weeks or months after the breakup, the mind may be constantly thinking about the partner, about shared moments, about what will never be. Gathering around these thoughts can be very painful and harmful and the best strategy to avoid this is to take care of yourself.

Start taking care of yourself physically, mentally and spiritually. We can start exercising, improving our diet or treating the skin; meditate, write a therapeutic journal, or spend time with loved ones that make you feel good.

Making life an extraordinary experience

Everything is temporary and you will love again. Taking time to heal allows you to start over in a healthier, more authentic and freer way. However, life shouldn't be paused until the person who will touch your heart again appears.

In reverse, this period is ideal for you to focus on building such a rich, interesting and prosperous life that anyone who enters will be meant to share and add, not fill in gaps.


We must therefore focus on goals, professional career, health and well-being, on happiness. When this phase is over, it will be remembered as a wonderful turning point, like the impulse that led to becoming a stronger and happier person. Learning to be alone is a valuable resource.

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