Learn to accept emotions

Learn to accept emotions

Learn to accept emotions

Last update: July 21, 2015

"Wisdom is the art of accepting everything that cannot be changed, of changing everything that can be changed and, above all, of knowing the difference."

"It's stupid to worry about such a thing", "it's not worth it", "you have no reason to be so sad", "enough, stop crying", "you have to get over it". How many times have we heard such phrases, spoken with the best of intentions?



In life they have given us advice and we have also given some. It seems like good advice and also sensible. However, what happens when we try to follow them? They don't work, we can't find the magic formula.

Unfortunately, our emotions don't follow orders and don't respect our will. It is not enough to want to change how we feel. The feelings are there and they don't change easily.

Some frustration may be felt. Feeling good becomes almost an obligation and, failing to satisfy it, we end up making things worse: we feel ugly, guilty, we believe that anyone can manage our emotions except us.

It is evident that in this way a vicious circle is created that makes us sink more and more into negativity. The stronger the obligation to feel good and not give importance to things, the bigger the problem gets in our mind and the worse we feel.

Get out of the vicious circle

A quote that is often attributed to Einstein, even if it is not known if he is really his father, reads: "If you are looking for different results, then don't always do the same things". Whether or not it belongs to genius, this phrase certainly expresses a great truth.



How do you get out of a vicious circle? By doing something different. In this case, you may be wondering what would happen if you changed the phrases and advice we saw at the beginning of the article. In fact, this is what third generation therapies, such as Mindfulness or Acceptance and Compromise, are based on.

Observe and accept

Instead of struggling with negative emotions, try to accept them. This doesn't mean resigning yourself to the fact that they won't change, but giving yourself permission to try them. Yes, you are sad, yes, this is important to you and worries you.

Observe yourself with an open mind, without judging, because judgments always end up making you guilty. We must not force ourselves into a continuous struggle because fighting is tiring and leads to drift.

Your emotions are worth it

There are no good emotions and no bad emotions, they are all part of us and make us human. And it is human to have ups and downs and mood swings, this is the current of life and we all know that it is useless to go against the tide.

Consider all your emotions valid, try them without struggling to change them. You will learn to identify them, to understand them (yours and those of others), to take them seriously. You will also see that they will take their course and that they will give way to each other on a continuous basis.

Practice with others

Acceptance isn't just for you. When someone feels bad, try this technique. Put yourself in his shoes, accompany him, feel close to this person. Show empathy and accept his emotions as valid.


If he asks you for advice, you can give it to him, but don't judge. Don't make her feel like a bad person and don't point out her mistakes. Offer to accompany her, to talk if she needs it, or respect her silence. Live your own emotional experience and let others have theirs.



Get stronger

Remember that pain is an inevitable part of life. Positive experiences acquire meaning because negative ones exist, contrast is what gives meaning. How could you say that you are happy or happy if you have never felt sad?

Respect your own suffering, as you do with that of others, and do not punish yourself by imposing obligations on yourself. You have the right to feel bad, to cry, to give importance to situations.

Do not resign yourself: even the pain will pass

Accepting and respecting does not mean giving up without doing anything. It means giving yourself the time and space necessary for the emotion to take its courseor. Once you get to know your feelings better, you can decide if there is anything you can do to improve the situation.


Eventually even the pain will pass, positive emotions will come and then it will be even more important to practice what you have learned. You will have to listen to the emotions and be aware of them. At that point you will know better than anyone what it means to feel good. Because feeling good or feeling bad ultimately means feeling human.

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