Lack of trust in the relationship

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Louise Hay
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Lack of trust in the relationship

Last update: 21 September, 2022

Lack of trust in a relationship is like cancer. Very often we do not notice it, but in a short time it expands and becomes invasive. The lack of trust is one of the factors that, if not addressed and resolved in time, leads to the deterioration of the bond and to diminish it to the point of destroying it.


You learn to trust and the same goes for a lack of trust. This is not a feeling that arises spontaneously, rather it is the result of a more or less conscious response deriving from experience. We all carry a wealth of experience about relationships that explains, at least in part, our being more or less confident in the other person.


Usually, the lack of trust in the relationship arises because one or both partners have shown that they are the weak link, who can give up at any moment. Obviously there are extreme cases in which that suspicious look typical of a lack of trust occurs even when there would be no reason for it. In light of this, depending on the situation and the two partners, this could be a very serious problem that needs to be addressed and resolved.

"Which loneliness is more solitary than mistrust?"

-George Eliot-

Lack of trust in a relationship: what are the reasons?

Lack of trust in a relationship can have many causes. The most frequent is an episode of infidelity. However, any action involving the other's betrayal prepares the fertile ground for this unpleasant situation. The main reasons for distrust in the couple relationship are:



  • Finding out that the other is a serial liar.
  • Broken promises. He promises and doesn't keep.
  • When one perceives that the other does not know himself fully. He finds a passion and then leaves it. He doesn't know what he wants him.
  • When the other fails to deal with the consequences of his actions, he is elusive or irresponsible.

S there are also many cases in which the lack of trust derives from unfounded reasons. Cases in which there is a predisposition to distrust. The main reasons for this situation to occur are as follows:

  • Insecurity. You feel up to the partner.
  • Having been betrayed and not having worked through the situation.
  • Coming from an environment where some people disappointed others and where bonds based on lack of trust prevailed.
  • Having betrayed someone in the past and therefore unconsciously tending to project the need for punishment. “The ox that says horned to the donkey”.
  • Excessive dependence and fear of abandonment.
  • Prejudices against men or women.

Clarity within oneself

Once the seed of distrust has been sown, it is not easy to stop the plant from growing. However, it's not impossible either. The couple needs to work a lot on the relationship, with perseverance and good will to succeed. It is worth it in any case, because love, which manifests itself in the form of complicity, is always a good reason to fight.


The best thing to do is to evaluate the reasons why there is a lack of trust in a relationship. In particular, it is necessary to know if this arises from reasons that have a foundation or if it comes from a personal conviction.


It is also important to review your expectations of your partner. We all make mistakes, so if the partner is expected to be perfect to trust him, we are really wasting time. Trust does not arise when the other is never wrong, rather the solution concerns the awareness that if the other is wrong, he is not doing it on purpose or in bad faith.


Dialogue, the only real solution

Dialogue is always the ideal solution for solving problems in a couple relationship. It is paradoxical, because to have dialogue, you need trust. However, it is also the only way to understand, or rather, to become aware of the fact that otherwise the bond has no chance to move forward.

Dialogue means expressing calmly and a certain amount of affection, the reasons that led us not to trust. We must not focus too much on the other, but on ourselves. The dialogue does not serve to point out the partner for the actions committed, but to tell him how he makes us feel when he does or says - or does not do and does not say - certain things. It serves to help him understand where our impatience comes from.


Dialogue also means knowing how to listen. Without preconceptions. Without reacting on instinct. Taking time to digest your partner's words, without judging or labeling them. When there is love, dialogue strengthens the relationship and helps find that drive to move forward. If dialogue is impossible or if the lack of trust continues, it is time to think about looking ahead and opening up to other horizons.

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