Lack of respect in the couple

Lack of respect in the couple

If you have or have been in a relationship, you've probably disrespected each other at some point. Maybe the relationship broke up because of this. Respect is a fundamental pillar and here we will see what the most common crimes are and how they can be solved.

Lack of respect in the couple

Last update: January 17, 2022

Respect is one of the fundamental pillars of the couple. However, time, monotony and mismanagement of conflicts can compromise their stability. Disrespect in the couple, as well as in all relationships, is a very harmful element for its enormous destructive power.

On the other hand, it can sometimes happen almost inadvertently. In the sentimental field, we could even tolerate what we would not allow in other contexts or by other people.

Once that point is reached, the relationship can deteriorate to the point of ruin. It is therefore important to know them all the various manifestations of disrespect.

Lack of respect in the couple

Emotional manipulation and condescension

Emotional manipulation is one of the most frequent and painful forms of disrespect. The data subject acts in such a way that the partner feels guilty if you refuse to fulfill your wishes. “If you loved me, you would have come to me”, “I would love you more if you devoted more time to me”.

This type of communication shouldn't exist in any relationship. Feelings are not negotiated or exchanged. On the other hand, each of us has a way of showing our love or affection that does not necessarily coincide with what the other person expects or desires.

There are moments, and also couple dynamics, in which theone treats the other as if he were inferior, accompanying any help or expression of affection with an expression of condescension.

While it may seem like a dynamic common to many couples, in reality it is disrespect for the identity of others. In those cases, the person, his personality and his ways are not respected.

Lack of respect in the couple: constant criticism

Over time, it is normal to say less niceness to your partner. If he is not careful, however, a dangerous threshold can be crossed, that of constant criticism.

Instead of valuing the other and saying what they don't like in a respectful and assertive way, you begin to make value judgments about everything. In other words, everything he does and how he does it begins to be criticized.

Continuously and negatively judging your partner's tastes and preferences can turn into a profound disrespect.

Likewise, even derogatory and insulting criticism of his family are disrespectful forms of treatment and do not contribute to the growth of the relationship.

In addition to hurting, criticism it doesn't help solve problems. It is a way to denigrate the other, underestimate him and it ends up affecting his self-esteem and, of course, the relationship.

If we want the partner to change something in his behavior, and that change is respectful of his way of being, we must ask for it with attention and affection.


It is common to see couples who in front of others contradict each other. "She didn't go like that ...", "Well the other day at home you didn't say the same thing", etc.

This is a great lack of respect, as the opinion of the partner is underestimated. Respect the partner's point of view, that he can change it when he wants and that he has his own version of events.

Nicknames, teasing and bad jokes

Behavior such as making nasty comments or constantly making fun of what the other says and does are other forms of disrespectful treatment.

Offensive jokes can hurt deeply self-esteem and self-confidence. Humor is an important part of a relationship, but it needs to be shared and appreciated by both parties.

Disrespect in the couple: insults and rudeness

It is clear that when insults and rudeness appear in a discussion, we are faced with a clear disrespect that must be addressed and resolved immediately.

What to do?

If we suspect that we are disrespecting our partner, but also in the opposite case, it is important to act on the following points:

  • Establish limits. Anyone who feels disrespected should talk to the other person and explain how they feel. A number of limits should be established which should not be crossed.
  • To apologize. Generally, we forget the importance of this gesture and the power it has. If you feel you have disrespected your partner and want to make up for it, start by apologizing. And, above all, to work so that it does not happen again.
  • Really forgive. Likewise, if you have forgiven your partner for disrespecting them in some way, they really should be forgiven. It is useless to act and feed resentments that will only make the situation worse.
  • Lead by example. We must always treat the partner the way we would like to be treated. We cannot expect what we are unable to offer.
  • Work on empathy. Putting yourself in your partner's shoes will be key to understanding their motivations, interests and fears, and how they decide to express them.
  • Communication. It is essential to learn to communicate well, in an assertive way. If in the relationship you communicate in an aggressive way, imposing ideas, it is better to remedy. The benefits of healthy communication are innumerable.
  • Take your time. A pause to reflect on why you treat yourself this way and to consider whether or not you want to return is sometimes the best solution. This allows you to think about what needs to be changed and start over with another attitude.
  • Contact a couples therapist. Sometimes a neutral person is needed to analyze the problem, a specialist will try to find the most suitable solution to the case.


The couple will have to work on respect from the very beginning of the relationship. If a story is based on this value, the partner's principles, interests and needs will be taken into consideration.

If this dynamic is turned into a habit, it won't be an effort in the long run and everything else will go smoothly.

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