We have all felt jealousy at some point in our life, and this may have been more or less intense. Although we normally think that jealousy is a relationship problem, we can also be jealous of other people. Basically, jealousy is a mixture of distrust of the other and a lack of self-confidence.
Of course, it is one thing to be jealous in any given circumstance and quite another to behave like a person who is constantly jealous. In these cases, jealousy is extremely harmful, both to those who experience it and to the recipient. When one falls into pathological jealousy, the relationship suffers a lot since one of the two feels suffocated, feels that his freedom has been taken away and wants to recover it, even if this can mean breaking the relationship.
What is the mechanism behind jealousy?
Regardless of the intensity and frequency of jealousy, the reasons that lead a person to be jealous are always the same: deep distrust and insecurity. This is the common psychological basis for all types of jealousy, although it is not always easy to notice its presence, especially when certain circumstances arise that give rise to jealousy.
In reality, jealousy usually stems from a particular situation, which acts as a trigger, generating feelings of distrust and insecurity. From this point on, confidence in our abilities and the ability to "deserve" the other person's love begins to fade to the point where we believe we don't deserve to be loved.
Thus a vicious circle arises in which the more suspicious we are, the more our sense of abandonment increases and, in turn, the jealousy of the other. Obviously, if we add to this that some people think they possess the other as if it were an object, then we realize that we have a time bomb in our hands, ready to explode at any moment and for any excuse.
The most common types of jealousy
- Children's jealousy. It is the jealousy that occurs during childhood and is always directed either towards siblings or towards parents. It usually appears as a result of inadequate forms of education, such as making your children believe that only they are worthy of love, gifts and attention. One must be aware that children believe they are the center of the universe and have a self-centered view of the world, so the task of the parents is to teach them to share and take the place of the other. The good news is that in most cases, if managed correctly, this type of jealousy tends to disappear over time.
- Jealousy at work. It originates in the workplace and is generally about efficiency and professional results. In most cases it starts with the simple "confrontation" with colleagues (considering their results or how they are treated), which in turn generates a feeling of inferiority and insecurity.
Usually, if you don't overcome it, this type of jealousy can make our life very difficult and even affect our relationships with colleagues as well as the quality of our work.
- Jealousy in love. It is the jealousy that is felt in a couple relationship and depends on the fear of losing the affection and love of the other. In most cases this jealousy is linked to a third person, who is considered a "rival". This type of jealousy appears as a result of a lack of trust in the couple and in ourselves. Usually, if we fail to restore trust in the couple, these feelings can escalate, causing the relationship to end.