Last update: 29 March, 2016
Jealousy appears as a result of insecurity and the need for possession; these fears, far from approaching love, distance us from it, contaminating our relationships, destroying our essence, our freedom. It is for this reason that jealousy cannot be synonymous with love, but a knot to be untied.
It appears as an indicative feeling and a particular fear of being abandoned, since, when it is activated, it signals an important fact that requires our attention. In this case, jealousy serves to inform us that there is a danger, that of losing the affection and attention of a loved one in favor of another.
When lack of trust sets in, it is common to feel abandoned, rejected and excluded in the presence of a third person. This sensation is painful and causes great discomfort. It means that there is something that needs to change, something that is not working in the relationship.
What does jealousy look like?
Jealousy initially serves to indicate that something must be resolved in our relationship with another person, outstanding issues that we have underestimated and that cause insecurity and mistrust. It can be a simple warning, and it can disappear once resolved, or it can become problematic and pathological.
A widespread misconception is that jealousy is synonymous with love. That there is jealousy does not mean that we love a person more, but simply that our fears are activated, often related to emotional insecurity. Depending on the person, the relationship and love mature and this emotion diminishes.
Jealousy can present itself in a mature way and, like all emotions and feelings, it is possible to benefit from it in order to restore the relationship and strengthen it. managing to advance together and overcome difficulties. This jealousy is not imaginary: it is triggered by the existence of a real detachment on the part of the other person.
Feeling ignored and seeing that the person we love focuses their attention on other individuals, jealousy breaks into our hearts. The alarm is activated, which serves to make us aware of our fears.
Let's go back to our childhood for a moment: what usually happens when there are two children in a room and adults pay attention to only one of them, or when an only child realizes that he is no longer so? It is in these cases that this emotion is felt, the purpose of which is to guarantee our survival.
Jealousy is healthy when we respond to this alarm by trying to enrich ourselves and mature. Being able to express it in words and being aware of our fears - of which only we are responsible - can help us to intelligently integrate jealousy into the situation or context that caused it.
Problematic and pathological jealousy
This type of jealousy is mainly linked to a lack of self-esteem, which makes us feel insecure in any situation, real or imagined. Jealousy becomes a problem when one tends to interpret and assume, which inevitably leads to misunderstandings, as we continually reinforce the state we are in.
There is no attempt to resolve the situation, nor to mature by becoming aware of one's fears. Pathological jealousy imprisons us and makes us react disproportionately in the face of any action that is interpreted as a lack of attention.
Many people need to make their partner jealous as a show of their love. These people have a strong belief that love goes hand in hand with this feeling and that "without jealousy, there is no love". This idea belongs to those who are jealous and justifies the typical characteristics of a childhood love.