Trust is not optional, trust is essential to our mental health and to achieving our most ambitious goals. Trust is a fundamental ingredient in any human relationship, when it is not there, the house of cards upon which the relationship was built simply falls.
Of course, trust has to be two-way. It is as important to trust others as it is for others to trust us. How can we do it? We have to make sure that the current account of trust grows every day.
When the trust's current account is in the red
Let's start with the concept of the current account. One day we leave the house to go to a bank to open a current account. However, this won't do any good if we don't get money over it. So we start making deposits and the account starts growing. However, at the same time we make withdrawals every time we need to buy something. Therefore, if we do not keep an eye on the account balance, we could be left overdrawn.
Trust works like a checking account, but we are not aware of it. We think that once we have earned someone's trust, it is forever. Either way, that's not the case, trust isn't static, it's not black or white, but it has shades and can increase or decrease with our actions.
The balance of trust increases every time we behave in a delicate way, that we are fair, respectful and honest, every time we support the person. However, trust also decreases every time we do something negative, when we don't keep a promise we made, when we arrive late, when we ask for something without giving anything in return ...
If our trust account is balanced, the person will allow us to make mistakes every now and then, and that won't have a major impact on the relationship. But if we often behave inappropriately, soon the checking account balance will be negative and we will lose that person's trust. And we know from experience that once trust is lost, it's hard to win back.
Furthermore, it is also important not to cheat. If you try to deposit counterfeit banknotes into your bank account, we will eventually be overdrawn and your account will be closed. Therefore, when it comes to gaining someone's trust it is essential not to lie. Always keep in mind the words of Abraham Lincoln: "You can fool everyone once, you can fool some many times, but you cannot fool everyone all the time."
Three concrete actions to create a relationship of trust
It is important to be aware that trust is earned not just with words, but rather with actions. Therefore, having good intentions will not help you if they do not translate into concrete acts. How do you get people's trust?
1. Speaking clearly. In social relationships it is common to meet too shy people who have difficulty expressing their ideas and needs. On the other hand, there are also many direct people who always say what they want, regardless of the impact of their words on others. Neither of these two attitudes contributes to creating a relationship of trust.
To build trust it is important to measure the impact of our words, so as not to harm others, but at the same time it is also essential to say what we think. Speaking clearly means conveying our point of view, while respecting the opinions of others.
2. Keeping promises. A person who does not keep his promises is simply a person who cannot be trusted. Therefore, it is advisable to think twice before giving your word, because once you have done so you will have established a mortgage on that person's trust in you.
It doesn't matter if it's about arriving on time for an informal meeting or respecting the term of an employment contract, it all serves to convey trust. Therefore, only make promises when you are certain that you will be able to keep them, if not, be honest and simply say that you will do what you can but that you do not guarantee anything.
3. Correcting mistakes. Often good intentions are not enough and we end up making mistakes that undermine the trust that others have in us. In these cases, it is important to have the humility to apologize. But words are not enough, we must also try to repair the damage done.
To make sure that the trust account has a positive balance, we need to act as soon as possible. No excuses are needed, you shouldn't be late. It's always best to be honest, take responsibility, and try to figure out what we can do to restore lost trust.