Insecurity is the germ of toxic relationships

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Louise Hay
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Insecurity is the germ of toxic relationships

Last update: 22 September, 2017

When we talk about toxic relationships, the first thing we usually think about is bad emotional management as a couple, in reality these relationships occur in any social context, such as in a friendship or family relationship. These are relationships undermined by insecurity, which seduce and make addicted and in which one remains trapped in a toxic and negative network from which it is very difficult to escape.



Even if we think the opposite, therefore, the So-called toxic people are characterized by low levels of self-esteem, which make them unable to interact in a stable way. They are adept at masking their insecurity through manipulation, deception and guilt. Not considering themselves valid enough and being unable to tolerate the feeling of uncertainty, they seek in others ways to feel more self-confident.

Furthermore, the relationship with a toxic person can promote states of paranoia and social isolation, or alternatively, encourage compensatory behaviors such as arrogance, narcissism or aggression. For this reason, we cannot be distracted if we are invaded by malaise, no matter what relationship it is.

Insecurity is the invisible trap of toxic relationships and one of the biggest germs that emotionally consumes people who experience it.

Why are insecure people jealous?

Jealousy, if extreme, is a sick form of relating. Being jealous, even when there is no foundation, means not believing that you are worthy to be with the other person or that you are not good enough and suitable for them. Thus, the onset of this feeling indicates insecurity and lack of self-love, so it is advisable to protect yourself whenever it arises. Jealousy also increases with immaturity and low self-esteem.



Jealous and suspicious people are trapped in circles of negative thoughts and feelings that make them firmly believe they are right. In this way, they drown between weakness and narcissism, an explosive mixture that makes them very imposing people.

Despite the strong character armor they display when they are jealous, they have a great emptiness inside of them, caused by insecurity and fear. This leads them to continually tell their partner how much they love him and, even, to put in place strategies of persuasion and manipulation to control him and ensure his permanence in the relationship. Unfortunately, however, due to the feeling of inferiority that invades them, the security offered by their partner is never enough.

The wound caused to man by insecurity is so great that at a certain point his personality changes 

The insecure person tries to make others feel insecure too

We must always pay close attention to how we relate to insecure people, in a relationship as a couple, in friendship or in the family. When we begin to question our actions, it is crucial to ask ourselves where we are surrounded by and why we have those feelings in front of the other person.

If the feeling of insecurity arises when it has never been present before, perhaps the insecure person is projecting their insecurities and doubts onto us to feel more secure. These people can be real specialists in planting the seed of insecurity in others as a form of control. For this they use the so-called dark "triad": manipulation, deception and guilt.


The excessive control that insecure people exercise over their partners, friends and family leads them to hyper-responsibility about everything that happens to these people. This always makes them hyper-vigilant, as they suspect any detail or circumstance.


Control and jealousy in a relationship, therefore, are the result of some people's inability to deal with the insecurity they feel about their own abilities and well-being. The danger is to make others unhappy.

 "Lack of trust is the mother of all uncertainties"

-Aristophanes

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