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    If he disappears don't look for him: what to do then? 5 tips

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    Louise Hay
    @louisehay
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    If he disappears don't look for him… Is it a good strategy?

    Maybe you've met a nice, interesting man, and have heard or dated him for a while. You exchanged a lot of messages, you went out, you had fun, maybe you even made love.

    You felt really into him, and consequently you started to believe it and to hope that something serious and profound could arise between you two.



    Then suddenly… poof… he disappeared into thin air without giving any explanation.

    He may have only disappeared for a few days, stopping writing to you first, and leaving you with the question of what his true intentions are.

    Instead, he may have disappeared permanently, stopping replying to your messages and implicitly telling you that he doesn't want to continue dating.

    In any case, the situation you are in is very unpleasant and delicate. You can't figure out what your man's real intentions are, what he's thinking right now, and what to do to get him back to you.

    A disappearance into thin air is a very way wicked and irresponsible to distance yourself from someone, and it really hurts to be a victim. You constantly observe his every movement on social networks, and the following questions arise spontaneously within you:

    If a man disappears, should we look for him? Or maybe it's better not to look for him if he doesn't look for you?


    What to do if he disappears for days? Does the tactic of not looking for him to return him work?


    Through this article I will try to clarify your doubts, analyze male psychology and answer all your questions, seeing exactly what to do if he disappears.

    We are almost ready to start, but first I want to invite you to take this quick online test to find out how you should behave in your specific situation. You will receive an answer and valuable personalized advice 😉

    He disappears psychology

    We try to analyze the psychological and biological reasons behind his behavior. However, it will be useful to make a distinction between several cases, because depending on the stage of the relationship you are in, and the severity of its removal, the interpretation could be different:

    If he disappears at the beginning of your acquaintance

    If he disappears in the early stages of your acquaintance, i.e. when you were just texting, or after your very first dates, there may be at least three main explanations:


    1) His interest in you hasn't grown as fast as yours, and now he wants to close ties gently. He doesn't feel like calling you and telling you clearly that you are not made for each other, so opt for this easier and more painless strategy.


    2) For the moment he has understood that he does not want to get to know you better, but he does not want to close the bridges. He deludes himself that if he changes his mind in the future, since he hasn't called you to officially reject you, he will find you receptive to his invitation. In short, he will not say anything that can be used against him in the future.

    3) You put pressure on him, showing a lot of grip right away, and investing too much more than him in the relationship. With your attitudes you made him run away, and now he doesn't contact you first, or maybe he doesn't even reply to your messages anymore.

    If he disappears after making love

    If he disappears after making love, it is very likely that you were allowed too soon, or that he was just trying to have fun without obligation.

    You must know that man is a much less emotional being than woman: think with the head and lower parts and it's not at all uncommon that her initial goal is just to have sex. However this does not mean that it is not possible to stimulate him to a deeper level, make him invest little by little in the relationship with you, and make him fall in love leading him to desire a more serious story.


    In this fantastic Ted Talk biologist Dawn Maslar explains the different way in which falling in love happens for men and women. I recommend that you watch it (even if it is English) because it is really interesting and very scientific.


    If he disappears after a longer date

    The last case, certainly the most painful, is the one in which he disappears after a longer date, or several weeks or even months.

    In this case, a trust relationship between you. Perhaps there were already feelings at stake (at least on your part) and for sure his departure from the scene is highly destabilizing and unexpected.

    I have already talked in this article about an important theory on couple relationships: that of the elastic man.

    Men, after experiencing a certain level of intimacy with a woman, feel the need to move away to recover their autonomy and their sense of self. Sometimes this also leads them to disappear into thin air without giving explanations.

    However, their distancing is comparable to that of a stretched elastic: once it reaches the maximum level of extension, it will automatically spring back and return to the starting point.

    That's why the man who disappears, or who walks away temporarily, it will probably come back after a while from the girl he was dating, hoping to be able to resume their relationship exactly where he left off. I delve into the dynamics in this article.

    Unfortunately, however, the question is not always that simple. There may be numerous other factors that contributed to his choice to vanish into thin air.

    Maybe you made him feel pressured by your expectations?

    Did he realize he didn't want a serious relationship?

    Maybe a woman who interests him the most has taken over or returned from his past and decided to bond with her by leaving you?

    Maybe he lost interest in you for some reason?

    Don't worry… whatever reason the guy you were dating is gone, you have a good chance of winning him back if you stick to a specific plan.


    Don't look for him if he doesn't look for you

    We now come to the main rule to follow in most cases, regardless of the stage your relationship is in: if he disappears don't look for him.

    As we have seen, most likely the guy you were dating felt under pressure, or in any case felt a strong need for freedom and autonomy, and for this reason he decided to move away temporarily or permanently from you.

    If you want to have any hope of recreating a certain curiosity and attraction in him, you must first let that pressure ease off by stopping looking for him. So don't look for him if he doesn't look for you!

    What to do if he disappears?

    I want to give you now 5 very important tips to recover the situation and get it back to you. Let's see what to do if he disappears.

    1. Ask yourself if it's the right one

    First stop for a moment and ask yourself if he really could be the man for you. Beyond the fact that you are angry and disappointed, is it really worth making the effort to win back someone who has disappeared from your life so suddenly?

    There is always a chance that once you return, it will disappear again, leading you into a self-destructive vortex that is increasingly difficult to manage.

    If you understand that he is not the right man for you, but you are still in love with him, I suggest you start a work on yourself, and learn more by reading this article of mine.

    2. If he disappears don't look for him

    When a man disappears the temptation to rewrite him is strong, for the hope of being able to unblock the situation, to ask for explanations or even just to send him to that country. You might want to write him something like ...

    "Why do not you write me no more? :( "

    "Bad asshole, after what happened between us do you disappear like this?"

    "Are you leaving me like this, without even giving me an explanation?"

    "Are you so busy you can't even text me?"

    However, following your instincts by sending one of these messages would be a huge mistake, which would lead you to lose your dignity, respect for yourself and every chance to win him back.

    The rule of not looking for him if he doesn't look for you is very effective, and it almost exactly corresponds to the principle of no contact when you are left.

    Let's see now why if he disappears, not looking for him is the best strategy:

    • Give him space, making sure that its elastic reaches the maximum level of tension. In this way, he will most likely return once his autonomy has been regained.
    • The destabilizzi letting him know that he is not in full control of the situation as he thought, and maybe you are not as busy as he thought. By questioning his certainties, you will stimulate him to try and recover.
    • Release the pressure that he felt on him, and you favor the possibility that he will be the first to contact you in a few days or weeks.
    • If you have shown yourself too needy and oppressive towards him, by letting some time pass you will be able to dilute these negative feelings that you have given him, putting him in a more positive state towards you.
    • If he ran away for a doubt, a problem, a momentary uncertainty, your distance will push him to make up for it. If, on the other hand, you keep pressing him, he will flee forever.

    How long should I not look for it?

    It is not possible to give a general answer to this question, since it depends on many factors, such as the importance and duration of the relationship you had established.

    The best strategy is wait for him to contact you again, regardless of how long you need to wait. However, as we'll see shortly, you can alternatively send him some test messages after a few weeks you no longer feel.

    Do not be in any hurry.

    3. Keep busy

    Another very important thing to do at this stage is to keep yourself busy. You cannot devote all your time and energy to thinking about him, otherwise you enter a vicious circle: your involvement in him increases, your self-esteem decreases and the chances of winning it back are getting smaller and smaller.

    Spend time with friends, dedicate yourself to work and your hobbies. Do not obsessively check his profiles on Facebook and Instagram or his last access on WhatsApp.

    Throw yourself headlong into new personal goals, discover new interests in your life and, why not, start hooking up with other guys 😉

    4. Make him curious with social media

    Even if the guy you were dating has disappeared, there is a 100% chance that he is still looking at your profiles on Facebook and Instagram.

    If you post status updates, photos or interesting stories, showing that you are okay and that your life goes on regularly, his curiosity and involvement will suddenly increase, enticing him to contact you again.


    5. Send him test messages

    After letting a set period of time pass, it will be time to carry out tests by sending him neutral messages that generate curiosity.

    The goal of a test message is to show that you are not resentful for what happened, make him curious and check if he is willing to start talking to you lightly or not.

    If he responds coldly to the test, or doesn't respond at all, you have to put your heart in peace, and accept the fact that at least in this phase there will be nothing more you can do to get it back. Go ahead. Perhaps he will return in a more distant future, but with the high probability of finding a closed door on your part.

    If, on the other hand, it responds positively to the test, use the opportunity to carry out one light conversation and establish a dialogue with him again. Do not be urgent in any case and rather try to be seen renewed, detached from the situation and taken from many other things. You will intrigue him incredibly!

    Here are 2 examples of early messages you can use to intrigue him, and make sure he responds:

    • But by any chance do you have a twin brother in Florence? 😀
    • You will never guess who I met yesterday at the disco ...

    If he disappears don't look for him: conclusions

    Thank you for coming to the end of the article. I have given you some very useful information, but I am sure you still have many doubts and questions that you have not found an answer to.

    If you want to learn more about the topic I suggest you read this site:

    • The reasons why a man turns away from a woman.
    • Mistakes not to commit to win back.
    • The best strategies to adopt to get your man back to you.
    • Practical exercises to increase your self-esteem and stop suffering.
    • How to make a man stay on edge and get him to want more and more of you.
    • … and much more!


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