I need a hug so strong that it dispels all fear

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Robert Maurer
@robertmaurer
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I need a hug so strong that it dispels all fear

Last update: December 09, 2015

The hugs that are not asked, that assail us and that envelop us have a great healing power. Human beings are social creatures intoxicated by emotions and they need this contact every day, to reaffirm their relationships and, at the same time, to feel wanted, loved.

In our space we often talk to you about the need to learn to be alone, to avoid these unhealthy holds that sometimes make us cling to things and people that prevent us from growing. However, everything has its balance and its raison d'etre.



We all need to unite with something or someone, even if we sometimes resist. We all have wings to fly, but also roots to cling to in order to love, to enrich ourselves with those relationships that shape us: friends, family, partners, children ...

Hugs: Bonds of Love and Security

Hugs, as well as physical contact, are part of our psychological well-being and our development. Although most living beings need these contacts in order to relate to their peers, in the case of humans the need to caress, embrace and feel skin to skin has to do with other dimensions, which are worth knowing.

Our social brain needs hugs and caresses

When we come into the world, our brains, far from mature, have not developed more than 25%. The rest of the structures and neuronal unions are formed mainly during the first 5 years of life, in which the way in which one is raised is decisive.


We must think that during the first months of life there is no language and communication is established through emotions, caresses, kisses, hugs and that sweet voice that offers security.


If a baby is not given importance when it cries, if it is not calmed, if it is not cared for and raised with sincere love, all of this creates stress. A brain used to secreting cortisol is a brain that will not develop optimally.

Social isolation o deprivation of petting during the first few years of a child's life does not allow brain cells to mature optimally to form gray matter. In turn, less melanin is produced, which is essential for neurons to communicate with each other.

All this results in certain cognitive delays, as well as in social and emotional deficits.

The importance of hugs in couple relationships

The power of a hug is sometimes more important than words. Non-verbal language directly affects our emotional world, and in our relationships as a couple it has an even more special meaning, especially when accompanied by physical contact.

Something as simple and elementary as a hug brings an immense feeling of fullness to those who give it and those who receive it. Both of them gain and this gesture is in turn considered capable of nourishing the brain, of bringing us, in given moments, more benefits than a food.

Hugs are not asked for, they do not need anything in return and are not demanded. It is worth bearing in mind that not all hugs are the same, if they come from the person we love and who occupies our heart, then our brain releases oxytocin, the hormone related to well-being and pleasure.

Nothing acquires as much meaning as a hug in a moment of uncertainty or emotional malaise, when we are full of fears and insecurities.



Feeling embraced with strength, love and sincerity by that special person, almost instantly calms the cold of the soul, makes us understand that everything will be fine. That the world is fine.


A hug relieves stress, reduces anxiety, and promotes our physical and emotional health. A hug unites us to the person we love.

As we said before, it is important to always maintain self-love and avoid exaggerated holds that do not give space to personal growth, we know.

However, at the level of the couple, these gestures are vital to strengthen the relationship, because we all need to feel secure and to receive some protection.

It is about being two people building the same unity. Don't save on hugs, don't leave them for tomorrow, nor let your partner ask for them.


Give hugs that take your breath away and that, at the same time, transmit messages such as "I support you, I share with you your happiness and your sadness and I love you".

Images courtesy of: Shaun Tan, Lucy Campbell, PEIBEE, Kyungduk Kim

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