Last update: May 09, 2016
We know it. There are days when we wake up in a bad mood, on the wrong foot or with a crooked moon. We know it is a day when we will have problems. It is a kind of annoying buzz that we can't get rid of, however much we try to wave our hands around us, like when we were little and blindfolded we tried to hit the piñata with the stick. The worst thing, however, is that we do not always warn others that we are ready to strike and so they, who approach with confidence, end up taking a good beating.
For this reason, it is vital to make use of our mental toolbox, in order to be able to stop in time when we have one of those days when we are angry with the world. Contrary to how we usually do, it is not worth waiting for what we have around us to change and to show us a nice wide smile. It is much better to retire for a while, go to a place where you cannot "attack" anyone and relax.
Other times, however, we wake up with a normal mood, not necessarily euphoric, and, despite this, we can't stop ourselves from starting a thousand discussions, one after another.. What we see as a disaster is a disaster, and no one should dare to say that something we consider bad is actually not. In these cases, whose fault is it? What can we do to solve this problem? Not getting along with anyone is it our fault or their fault?
Do the problems come on their own or are they looking for?
It is obvious that everyone says “I'm not looking for any problems, they are the ones who find me”. Perhaps, however, our attitude or our way of thinking acts as a "bait" for problems. As if it were a great magnet that attracts them towards us.
The same happens with relationships. If we do not maintain a friendship, a couple relationship or a good coexistence with work colleagues, perhaps we are responsible. When these situations are repeated often, we can no longer blame others or circumstances or our wrong choice to surround ourselves with a certain type of people.
At such a time, we should start wondering and understanding what we are doing to always end the same way. Remember that the same actions usually lead to the same result. If there is something you don't like, you have to act differently to change it.
The problems keep repeating themselves
Since we are talking about clichés, we want to share one that fits perfectly with this problem: Man is the only animal that stumbles twice on the same stone ... and maybe even ends up becoming fond of it. Not getting along with certain people is normal and even understandable, because we can't be friends with everyone. However, if we argue with the neighbors, with our parents, with our boss, with the clerk at the supermarket, with the colleague in the office, with the childhood friend and with the bus driver, in that case we have a nice problem.
The good news is that once you identify this problematic behavior, you can change and improve it. To do this, it is essential to take responsibility for your mistakes. Many limit themselves to saying that the problem lies with others, that the fault lies with the whole world and thus they get rid of any burden.
"Everyone is against me" is a phrase that is often heard. But isn't it that, perhaps, we are the ones who have put ourselves against everyone? Obviously we don't do it on purpose or with the intention of hurting others, but with our attitude we end up hurting and alienating the people we love (and even strangers).
Take responsibility for your problems
The first step to stop blaming the world, karma or the entire universe for our problems is to take responsibility for them.. If you are nervous when driving because your partner is sitting in the passenger seat, the problem is yours, not his. If you have an argument that arose out of a misunderstanding with your colleague at the office, it is your fault for not asking in time, not the fault of the colleague who tried to explain the situation.
We could do a thousand other similar examples, but the important thing is why we quarrel with others or push them away from our side. It's our attitude's fault! Our way of acting defines us and can help or constitute an obstacle within interpersonal relationships.
How about starting with a moment of objective introspection to understand where you went wrong? There's no need to whip yourself on the back or wander the world like a soul in pain with your clothes in tatters. It is simply a matter of understanding which words, actions or emotions lead you to have problems with others.
Perhaps it is a lack of self-esteem, fear of accepting one's feelings, fear of losing control of the situation, being angry with oneself, etc. The options are varied and there are as many as there are inhabitants on Earth.
If you know someone who has this problem or if you have it yourself, your job now is to start thinking about how others feel when you react that way. Remember that being angry with the world only increases the chances that the world will treat you the same and that you and your worldview will enter a circle that is not at all positive, neither for you nor for the people around you.