How to stop clinging to a person?

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Joe Dispenza
@joedispenza
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Relationships are complicated. Even if we have found the right person, it is often difficult to find the balance between closeness and personal space that we all need. Crossing that fine line is very easy. And once we do that, we begin to develop a crazy attachment that makes us suffer. So, in general, clinging to a person does more harm than good.

Why does one cling to a person?

To love is not to cling. Love does not set limits, it does not suffocate and it does not imprison. Instead, unhealthy attachment has a tendency to control and suffocate the other. In this way, a relationship of emotional dependence is created that takes away psychological oxygen from its members. The funny thing is that the more one person holds on, the more the other strays in search of that freedom it needs to be. This is why unhealthy attachment often leads to the loss of the person we cling to.



The need to hold on often comes from deep insecurity. We cling to a person because, in some way, they have become a source of psychological security. His presence or memory gives us the calm and confidence we need by filling our emotional voids. Instead of seeking security within, we seek it outside, making the other responsible for our emotional shortcomings.

How to stop clinging to a person in 7 steps?

1. Admit insane addiction. Ignoring the problem is the easiest way, but it's not the solution. So the first step is to admit that we have an attachment problem. Have we developed an emotional dependence on our partner? Or perhaps a possessive and controlling parent-child relationship? Or do we not let go of a person who is no longer part of our life?



2. Understand the reason for this attachment. There is always a reason to do what we do, only that many times we prefer to ignore it. When we cling to a person and develop controlling attitudes, there is a reason. It may be that a part of us cannot conceive of life without that person. Or maybe we feel extremely insecure and fear loneliness. Or maybe we are against change. Whatever the reason, it's important to find it.

3. Let go of the need to possess. Sometimes, on an unconscious level, we understand interpersonal relationships as if they were possessions. We believe that our partner or our children belong to us. This belief can lead to unhealthy attachment. Therefore, we must understand that no one in life really belongs to us. We must learn to love without possessing and accompany without invading.

4. Spend more time alone. The unknown breeds negative feelings. If we have always been surrounded by people, for example, we are likely to fear loneliness. So sometimes, the best way to stop clinging to someone is to learn to be alone. It is not about becoming hermits but about learning to enjoy time with yourself so that our happiness is not overly dependent on others. It's amazing how much we can learn about ourselves and our feelings when we take the time to reflect for ourselves.

5. Take care of ourselves. When we cling to another person, our life begins to revolve around him. Often this means that we sacrifice our well-being and relegate our needs to the background. To stop clinging we need to change that dynamic and take better care of ourselves. We must keep in mind that we too deserve to become our priority. Therefore, we must begin to treat each other with kindness and compassion, showing ourselves the same love that we project outward.



6. Give space to others. All people, even those who love each other the most, need space. While it is good to share moments, thoughts and emotions, it is not good for the other to feel trapped and suffocated. Therefore, we must make a conscious effort to give it its space and use that time to develop our passions and interests. A self-confident person who loves himself and has developed a unique personality is able to offer a mature love that leaves each person room to grow.


7. Trust ourselves. Self-confidence can go a long way in maintaining healthy relationships. People who are more confident in their abilities are less likely to hold onto others as a way to validate themselves. When we love and respect each other, it will be much easier for us to love respectfully, without being too pushy or possessive.

Finally, we must remember that before the person we cling to came into our life, we already existed and were probably happy. This means that the seed of happiness is in us, we don't need to look for it outside. Getting rid of that unhealthy attachment will help us focus on all the things we are grateful for and that will make us happy, beyond that relationship.


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