How to overcome a breakup: psychology and mistakes to avoid

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Louise Hay
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Are you wondering how to get over a breakup? Do you want to know how to best face such a delicate moment? You can relax. You are in the right place!

The end of a relationship is a very traumatic event, even when it doesn't occur as a bolt from the blue. Memories (good and bad) continue to visit you in the same way as a toothache that does not want to go away, making "starting over" always difficult.



However, life has to go on and know how to get over a breakup becomes a very important question. After all, this situation, if faced with the right mentality, can become an opportunity to get back into the game and take back one's destiny.

Before starting, I recommend that you take a few minutes to take the test that you find below. This will help you understand how you have handled the end of your relationship to date. Believe me, it will open your eyes!

How to deal with a breakup: the most common mistakes

Before getting to the heart of the article, and understanding how to overcome a breakup, it is a good thing to take stock of the situation, examining all the mistakes you will need to avoid, so as not to make things worse.



1. Maintain contact with the ex

The first mistake you will have to avoid if you want to overcome a breakup in the best way possible is keep in touch with the person you broke up with. Even if the temptation to text or call is very strong, you must resist.

Whether your intentions are to reconcile, apologize for a mistake, or fill your ex with insults, you definitely don't want to contact him. If you think you can't do it alone block all his social networks and delete his number.

Also avoid places where you know you can meet him (clubs, bars, parks etc ...) and do not even remotely think of going to his house, also because, in the worst case, you would run the risk of being denounced for stalking, definitely losing face.

Finally, avoid looking for information about him (or her) through mutual friends or relatives. Cut any tie, even the thinnest one. Although what has been written so far is difficult, going to act differently would only prolong your sufferings more.

2. Look for a new flame to forget the ex

This is a common, and partly justified, mistake. After all, it is natural to try to fill in the gaps left by those who have gone away. However, it's never a good idea behave like this, for several reasons.


First of all, as much as you don't want to accept it, are not you ready yet (or ready) to face a new relationship, and inevitably that would only bring you new pain or disappointment.


Second, using a new person to exorcise the pain and perhaps satisfy the need for sex is incorrect: sooner or later the new partner will understand, feeling at least used and, much more likely, hurt.

Eventually you will find yourself alone again, but with one more wound.

3. Losing self-respect

The love story you invested so much in is over. You perceive this event as your own personal bankruptcy: the person you loved has gone away and, deep in your heart, you are sure that it is only your fault.

While it is only natural to have such feelings, you are wrong. The end of a story is a more than likely event and, unfortunately, it can happen to anyone, even to the best of us.

So don't torture yourself any further, calling yourself a failed person. What happened to you is already painful enough; add also the burden of remorse it is useless as well as wrong: the faults, if there are faults, are always on both sides.

4. Accept compromises

The last mistake you will have to avoid is one of the most dangerous for your well-being: accept compromises (staying friends with the ex, continuing to hear or see him etc ...). Whether they are established by you or the person you were with doesn't matter.


While it may seem like a good solution to buffer the pain at least in the first few days, doing so will only put you in a kind of limbo, which will only bring you more pain. But most of all, it won't give you the opportunity to deal with the situation, finally turn the page and move on with your life.


Also avoid the situation, even if at times pleasant, in which you are they only maintain intercourse with the ex: the sentimental bond that kept you together is still very strong, and in the end one of the two will pay the bill, which will inevitably be expensive.

Tips for overcoming a breakup

We have seen what not to do. Now is the time to focus our attention on how to deal with a breakup and come out all whole.

1. Take your time

This is the most important advice of all: whether you want to get back with your sweetheart or heal your wounds to start a new life, in the period immediately following the breakup you must maintain the principle of no contact.

This period allows you not only to let the rawest pain vent, but above all, it gives you the opportunity to clear your mind and start seeing the world with a clearer mind. By doing this you can recover, one step at a time, your identity as a single person and no longer as a member of a couple.

So, no contacts or meetings, forget serenades, gifts and, if you can, avoid everything that makes you think of the ex: songs, places, movies and habits. For now, you just have to focus on yourself, staying away from your newly ended romance.

2. Deal with the pain

Forget the alpha male who never has to ask or the emancipated woman who doesn't shed tears. This is all nonsense. If you want to go through a breakup, you have to face reality and dive into the pain inside. This is a step that cannot be avoided if you want to start a new life.


Above all, you must never make the mistake of feeling guilty or weak about what you are feeling (pain, melancholy, etc.), even if the person who has left doesn't deserve it. What you are facing it is a real mourning, but that will eventually lead you to be a more self-aware and certainly better person.

3. Accept your new situation

After you've made peace with the pain you carry inside, the next step in dealing with a breakup is to accept your new status. I know, the first thought will be to define yourself alone, but you are wrong: you are not alone, you are back in the game.

As important as the relationship you just ended may have been, this one does not define who you are. You were special before you met your ex, you were special while you were together and you are now that the story is over.

So, don't let yourself fall into despair: remember what made you happy when you were single, cultivate the passions you dropped or never had time to pursue, take back your life and, one millimeter at a time, earn your place in the world again.

Know that the only way to build a strong relationship is to have a good relationship with yourself and experiencing loneliness as a possibility rather than a condemnation.

4. Make the breakthrough

This is the last step to take to kickstart your new life and it is the keystone of the whole process: implement a significant change.

Of course, I'm not telling you to sell everything and start touring the world (although that would actually be very cool), but to make a change in your life that is the emblem of your rebirth.

Investing in a new job, starting the painting course you've always wanted or re-enrolling at university are just a few examples of what you can do for kick off your new path.

Maybe, now that you have more space, you can use a room in your house as a study and put all the comics and books that she has always told you to throw away.

How to overcome a breakup: special cases

Now is the time to dedicate some space to particular cases, in order to deal with the topic with care and completeness.

How to get over a major breakup

Let's see how to survive and come out whole from a marriage or a relationship that ended after several years. First, let's list what are the reasons that lead this event to be so terrible:

  • Sentimental relationship: you have lived with one person for years. Consequently, memories and affection are very ingrained;
  • Legal report: especially in the case of marriage, a separation, even in the best of ways, involves a long bureaucratic process and an enormous waste of energy and economic resources;
  • Common goods: if you separate and live under the same roof, you also need to find a new home, with all that goes with it, not to mention the shared bank account;
  • Sons: they are the ones who usually pay the highest price and who give way to guilt and post separation quarrels;
  • Shared responsibilities: having a mortgage to pay or share a job is already difficult when everything goes well, if the couple falls apart ...

As you can see, the above are all problems that would make even the most fearless shiver. However, it is not impossible to survive this type of separation.

The first thing to do is to ask for help. Do not be afraid and above all do not be ashamed to call friends or family to be assisted. Especially during the first post-separation phase. If you believe this is the case, contact a psychologist: the end of a marriage or an important story is a real traumaconsequently, such support is far from superfluous.

Secondly, feel free to re-contact the ex-spouse for any child-related situations or paperwork. This has nothing to do with the concept of no contact.

How do you get over a breakup with your lover

Another particular case is the breakup with a person of whom you are not the partner, but the lover (man or woman makes no difference). Dealing with such a breakup is very complicated, since it is not always possible to express one's pain openly.

Basically, being another person's lover is an experience, albeit exciting in some ways, quite frustrating. In fact, the person outside the couple will always be relegated to a subordinate position with respect to the official partner.

However, the hope of starting a relationship in the light of the sun always remains alive. For this reason, when such a relationship ends, the first impulse is to take revenge. But that would be wrong and would only lead to other problems.

In fact, the best way to overcome a breakup as a lover is to forget everything as soon as possible, working to improve, and at the same time, start looking for a person who puts you first, as it should be.

How to deal with the breakup of a relationship after a betrayal

This situation is also quite complicated, as well as painful. After all, being betrayed leaves a deep wound in the heart and pride. However, despite the thought making its way further and further into you, try to taking revenge will only bring you more suffering.

In fact, as in the previous case, the secret to moving forward is to forgive: either your partner for cheating on you, or yourself (or yourself) for being so naive. And don't try to hide it, because I know that you too feel guilty about what happened to you.

So, make peace with your soul. File the incident as yet another experience capable of making you become a more mature person, who despite all the difficulties, she is always ready to get up and get back on her feet.

How to overcome a breakup: conclusions

In this article we have seen how to deal with a breakup after a more or less important relationship. However, the situation is always very delicate and even the slightest unforeseen event could compromise your entire path of rebirth.

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