Spesso ricevo email in cui mi viene chiesto how to love someone.
If you do what others want, more than love, stay indulging their requests, often out of fear of losing them if you say no (but learning to say no is essential!).
If you say "no," they accuse you of being selfish, even if you say a thousand "yes", at the first refusal you end up among the "bad guys".
Basically, how do you go wrong.
How to love then?
When is it true love?
So here I am telling you a secret to truly love others. Whether they understand it or not.
Even though it seems the opposite of what we consider correct, if you really want to help and love someone you don't have to care about that person.
Yes, let me explain better 😀
How to love without caring for others
When we say we are interested in someone there are two possibilities: we are interested because we earn something, because that person is part of our life, makes us feel good, has a special bond with us.
Or, in very few and rare cases, we are only interested in his happiness.
And watch out, we almost always think that this is the case and it is not at all!
If you take my relationship test, you might understand a lot.
It will allow you to understand if you are capable of really love others and make them love you.
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Being interested in someone's happiness, without a personal advantage, means that I'm fine even if that person is sick.
It does not mean that I do not care that he is sick, on the contrary, because I desire his happiness I am sorry who is not happy, but I can still be fine.
If your happiness depends on that of some people, then invariably your interest in them will depend on whether they make you feel good.
Basically you want your happiness, and theirs only interests you because it brings you to yours.
In this sense we are interested in others: we need them to feel good.
And often people tell me that they cannot be well if those they love are not happy.
It seems paradoxical, but so we don't love at all who we say we love.
But we "use" them to arrive at our happiness, since it depends on their well-being.
They are fine? Tu you are happy.
Are they sick? Tu are not you happy.
If we are so involved in the happiness of others, so selfishly I would say, we cannot love them since we lose freedom, clarity, balance and wisdom.
Why can't a surgeon have an operation on a close relative?
Why wouldn't he have that independence, that serenity of acting with clarity through involvement.
If your happiness passes from my well-being, when I feel bad you will feel bad.
Now you would like the surgery to do it a serene person, or a nervous and anxious person?
When you feel bad for the malaise of others, you are no longer a peaceful person.
There is a lack of balance from which to understand what they really need, how to help them, how to advise them.
If we are interested in others to earn our happiness, we will give advice, suggestions, help that go, unavoidably, in the direction of what we think is best. For us.
Could you recommend a solution that takes you away from that person?
You may understand that it is the right thing, but you are involved in it.
If you don't get your well-being out of the way first, you won't love others, you won't help them, but you.
Just as a nurse cannot cure a person suffering from a contagious disease without being immune to it, so none of us can truly love and help others. without first being immune from their suffering.
If the malaise of others can "infect you", you will not be able to love them, you will not be able to help them.
The emotional independence that I often talk about is the "vaccine" against suffering.
Getting there means becoming immune to the malaise of others, and at that point you can get close to them.
At that point you can really help them because your happiness is no longer in danger.
Just as the health of the vaccinated nurse who treats the contagious patient is not.
At that point you will really care about others, for them.
Not for you anymore.