How to improve a couple's sex life

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Robert Maurer
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Sometimes the eroticism of a relationship needs a boost: discover how to improve the sexual life of a couple and step on the accelerator.

Romance novels, porn, role-playing games, lingerie. These are all great ways to rekindle passion, but they're usually not enough, according to Emily Nagoski, doctoral student, sex educator, and author of the best-selling book Come as You Are.

“These things are great if you like them, keep doing them. But looking to the future, it often turns out that the problem is not the lack of stimuli, but the presence of brakes”, says Nagoski.




According to her, nothing stops sexual passion more than stress.

“Stress is a coping mechanism that kicks in when your body sends signals to your brain that you're not sure right now,” says Nagoski, “and if you're not sure right now, is this a good time to have sex? sexual?”

No matter how hard you push the gas, chronic stress can completely stifle sexual desire. Work, childcare, and lack of sleep are just a few of the things that can put a damper on lovemaking.

For many long-term couples, the pressure of having to be sexually active is also a major source of stress and, ironically, is often the reason they end up stifling sexual passion.

Here are some techniques that couples can use to improve their sex lives.

How to improve a couple's sex life:

1. Schedule times to be intimate

Couples in happy, long-term relationships often prioritize intimacy and even put it on their calendar.


You might be thinking, “Well, it's not very romantic. How much can your partner want to make love if he has to plan it? but the real question should be “Is there something we do in our life that is important to us that we didn't plan?

Planning sex gives you time to eliminate all the stressors that can get in the way, whether it's work or housework.

2. Avoid the "chase dynamic"

you want sex Your partner doesn't want it. Or so it seems. Often when a couple wants to have sex, it's not just a carnal desire, but a need for intimacy.

They want connection, they want acceptance, they want to feel loved by their partner, and it can be scary when your partner keeps saying "no." What do they say no to? The question that arises is:

"Are they just saying no to sex or are they saying no to me?"

If your partner doesn't seem interested, don't assume it's because they aren't attracted to you. It is likely that he is simply overwhelmed by stress.

If your relationship is lacking sex, the worst thing you can do is chase your partner. Chasing him with your need for sex will increase his stress and inhibit him even more.

3. Stop focusing on sex

If you want to improve your sex life as a couple, you have to stop making sex the absolute goal. Instead, focus on building intimacy.

Agree with your partner and agree together that you will be without sex for a certain period of time. Once the pressure has subsided, you'll have more room to be more intimate in other ways.


While you're on a break from sex, take time every day for hugs and kisses. Hugging and kissing may seem like mundane things, but they are a great way to build intimacy. In addition, they will reduce your stress levels and put you both in the mood to make love.

Pampering yourself strengthens the bond and the idea that you are safe and attached to a person.

3. Release your body's energy in a new way

Go dancing or try yoga. Once you have affirmed your connection to your body, you can affirm your connection to your partner's body. A survey found that sexually inactive partners are prone to feelings of sadness and feel unattractive. Recover your sexual energy by finding new ways to move and feel comfortable in your body.

4. Reignite the excitement with a new experience

Doing something new creates a feeling of connection and intimacy. Think outside the box and do an activity that might scare or excite you, like an amusement park ride or escape room.

Adrenal activity is associated with the production of large amounts of dopamine.

Experts say that dopamine and other chemicals in the brain are directly linked to physical attraction and romantic passion, so experiencing a new activity together could help stimulate sexual arousal.

5. Take advantage of an afternoon to talk about sex

Take a night to have a frank discussion about what you like and don't like to do sexually, explore the idea of ​​new sexual positions, and talk about your hidden fantasies. Don't push yourself to be sexy, just try to see what you like and say what you normally avoid saying for fear of embarrassing yourself or sounding insensitive.


A 2016 online research survey of 1.200 men and women between the ages of 18 and 25 showed that men and women have vastly different sexual expectations. These expectations are unlikely to change overnight, so couples need to communicate their likes and dislikes in bed so that both of them have an enjoyable experience.

6. Take a sex class and use your weekend to practice

Taking partner sex lessons can pave the way for new and exciting experiences.

Finding a sexually themed course is quite easy, all you need to do is search the internet. In these courses, couples can learn new sexual positions, techniques, toys and accessories for sexual pleasure, in a learning environment that is fun, not intimidating.

When I took a bondage class with my partner, the educator was welcoming and made us feel comfortable. I recommend it to any couple who wants to have fun learning new tricks.

Also check out The 11 Secrets To Make A Girl Cum Every Time

7. Lie back and relax with an erotic movie

Sometimes a simple video is enough for sexual curiosity to resurface. For porn sites that offer suitable alternatives for women and couples, I suggest: Sssh (paid), FrolicMe (paid), Pornhub (free), xVideos (free)

8. Enjoy pleasure in front of your partner

Masturbation allows your partner to see how and where you like to be touched. It also allows you to create an even deeper and more intimate bond, given the vulnerability of the act. Masturbation also has numerous health benefits, including improving mood and relieving stress, which is a great starting point for more sex.

For adventurous couples, I have an even bolder suggestion. Put on a remote controlled sex toy on your date and let your partner hold the remote. Use it as a form of prolonged foreplay to get your libido going before you get home and go wild.

9. Talk face to face to find out what's wrong

Lack of communication is often what leads to sexual problems in a relationship. According to The Guardian, a recent survey found that couples who argue often are 10 times happier than those who avoid conflict. Having difficult conversations is also vital to fostering intimacy and is much better than pretending that the problems don't exist.

Don't be discouraged by what your partner says. Just remember that finding out what's wrong with your relationship is part of the effort to improve it. In the end, you always find a solution if you are willing to compromise. Even if you don't feel sexually similar right now, you will surely find a way to spice up the relationship.

We hope that these tips on how to improve your sexual life as a couple have been helpful to you. Do not miss the other articles on love and sexuality, visit the dedicated section:

love and sexuality

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