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    How to get an ex boyfriend back with psychology (in 7 steps)

    Who I am
    Robert Maurer
    @robertmaurer
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    Are you wondering if it's possible to get an ex back? You want to know how to win back an ex boyfriend who left you but still love to death? You are in the right place!

    You were probably having a great relationship, with a guy who made you really happy and who you thought was the right one for you.

    Maybe you have been together for years, maybe just a few months, but in any case you have lived gods intense and wonderful moments that made you think that it would never end between you ...



    Yet suddenly he started to be colder and more distant, until one day he left you, literally making the world collapse on you.

    Now you want to know how to get your ex back, and I will tell you right away that it is a delicate process, but with a good chance of success if you are willing to get involved and follow all the steps that I will show you in this guide.

    With this article I will try to help you better analyze the situation, and I will provide you with a series of very useful tips to understand like getting a boy back once and for all.


    Is it possible to win back an ex?

    Before moving on to the real journey that will lead us to discover how to win back an ex boyfriend or an ex-husband, it is necessary to make some premises, to better analyze your starting situation and your chances of success.



    For example, you may be wondering if it is possible to win back an ex, and how likely you are to achieve this.

    The truth is that there are many variables to take into consideration, such as how long have you been together, how long have you been apart, how many mistakes you have already made before reading this article, and much more ...

    It is not possible to provide a scientific and infallible answer on how many are your chances of regaining, but I have decided to prepare a simple online test, through which you can roughly understand how you are doing.

    The quiz consists of 15 simple questions related to your relationship with your ex, to which you will need to answer honestly to get a percentage representative of your chances of winning back. It takes two minutes to complete and will provide you with very useful information. Find it here.

    How to win back an ex: psychology

    Psychology can make a huge contribution to the subject of reconquest, primarily because it can help us understand the psychological reasons whereby a man tends to leave his partner. That is the starting point!



    Your ex has probably given you some more or less convincing explanations as to why or why he decided to end your relationship. Maybe it was sincere, but at the same time it's possible he didn't tell you the whole truth.

    It's bad to have to say things that can hurt, so we always look for softer solutions, even to get out of the relationship in a more elegant way.

    Listen to the justifications he has given you, but at the same time start a process within yourself to try to understand what the real reasons are so things were no longer between you two. The reasons why a boy decides to end a story, according to psychology, can be many:

    • Did he feel oppressed by some of your attitudes and demanded his spaces?
    • Did you feel the need to have new experiences?
    • Did he see you too needy and involved?

    According to several research and psychological studies carried out, the last point is the number 1 reason why a person leaves their partner or partner. In fact, you must know that:

    Human beings, when they understand that a person is too involved in them, they tend to lose interest and distance themselves from this person.

    Quite right? Unfair? Sad? Terrible? We are not here to make judgments on this fact; it's just the way human psychology and emotion work (yours too), and so you just have to take note.



    I can't be the one to tell you why your boyfriend left you, but I invite you to make your own considerations and analyzes (also on the basis of the concept of involvement that I have just expressed) and ask yourself what you should change or improve in order to make it work better this relationship, or your future love affairs in general.


    How to get an ex back in 7 steps

    Now that you know the reasons why your relationship ended, let's see how to get an ex back in 7 steps. Below you will find a summary graphic of the points which we will then deal with one by one.

    1. Implement the no contact rule

    If you want to know how to win back a guy I have to introduce you to a small and fundamental principle, which you may not like, but which in more than 50% of cases you need to apply to win back an ex. This is the so-called no contact principle.

    What is this no contact principle?

    The principle of no contact is one well known technique in the world of dating and reconquest, which consists in ceasing for a certain period any type of relationship and correspondence with the person who left you. Usually you choose a period that varies from 3 settimane ai 3 months, based on the specific situation you are in.

    However, ceasing all types of correspondence does not mean closing the channels, or eliminating your ex from the various social networks or blocking him on WhatsApp. This you don't have to do.

    Just set a period in which you will not contact him for any reason in the world, not even to wish him well! Below is a list of the main benefits of the no-contact period

    • You overcome the phase of strong irrationality and post-breakup emotionality, and you get a calmer, calmer state of mind that will allow you to be more effective when you talk to it later.
    • Calm down the negative emotions he had towards you that probably prompted him to leave you
    • You give him a way to miss you for a while, so you put him in a much more receptive state towards you
    • You have time to work on yourself and improve yourself

    2. Process the pain

    Immediately after being left the pain will surely be a central element in your days, a companion of your adventure, and you will not be able to ignore it simply by ignoring it and not thinking about the situation.

    It is normal and right to experience your pain for a certain period, even focusing on it with the right techniques, but avoiding basking in the same because the latter attitude would prevent you from starting over with your life.

    Give yourself a specific period of time in which you will focus on the pain, also fully experiencing your negative emotions and giving them vent. At the end of this period (which could be one or two weeks), however, you have to go ahead and think about it as little as possible.

    There is an exercise that I recommend that you do, which will surely help you to process the pain faster:

    1. remember one of the most beautiful moments passed with him;

    2. linger on that sweet thought for 4/5 minutes;

    3. Now, mentally, imagine this moment coming turned into a photograph that remains in your hands;

    4. now hang this photo on an imaginary wall that represents your memories;

    5. repeat the same exercise for others 5/6 special moments lived with him.

    If you do this exercise every day, for a week or two, it will help you work through the pain faster and make you feel a little better.

    Another exercise that could be extremely useful for speeding up the pain processing process is to meditate focusing on the positive and negative emotions you feel towards your ex and the end of your relationship.


    3. Find your identity

    Once the pain is processed you will have to start working to find your identity, and that means going to reappropriate of his own life, and to fill that space he created by leaving you.

    Being alone after having lived for months or years with another person, it is normal to feel a little confused and to ask oneself things like “what is the meaning of my life now?”, Or “who am I without him / her?”.

    But the truth is, you were there before you met him, and you will always be there, regardless of whether he is with you or not, so it's time to find your identity again.

    As discovered by this scientific research, quickly regaining an individual dimension after the end of a relationship, allows you to regain psychological well-being much more quickly.

    Ok, but what do I actually have to do?

    • Go back to cultivating relationships with your friends
    • Go out and enjoy
    • Resume your hobbies that you had recently neglected
    • Sign up for a class of something (salsa, theater, yoga…) and meet new people
    • Do something new that you have never done in your life
    • Go on a trip, alone or with your friends
    • Have a nice time with your family

    4. A path of growth begins

    At this point your life has restarted, at least partially, and you are on the right path to feeling really better again. Only one fundamental ingredient is missing: that of growth and work on yourself.

    Starting from the analysis you made on the reasons why your story ended, but not limiting yourself to this aspect only, start a path of personal growth aimed at bring progress and improvement in your life. Here are some of the things you can do:

    • Join the gym and start training
    • Go on a diet if you are out of shape
    • Refresh your look with some changes
    • Read some personal growth books
    • Make changes in your habits and in your life that make you feel good about yourself
    • Focus on some work or sporting goals

    Working on yourself and your life will increase his curiosity towards you and therefore your chances of winning him back, but be careful not to do everything exclusively for him and to recover your story. Rather do it for yourself!

    5. Use social networks the right way

    Many people who are left tend to use social networks (Facebook, Instagram…) in a way disastrous. Instead, thinking they are doing the right thing they make blunders that completely destroy any future possibility of winning back their ex partner.

    How to win a boy back? First of all, avoiding making these two very serious mistakes:

    A) Publish pitiful posts, in which you show that you are sick and indirectly communicate to your partner that you are destroyed and would like him back. By doing so you are trying to make him feel sorry for him and you are trying to convince him to recover thanks to this. Not a good strategy to follow, isn't it?

    B) Try to get attention of the partner showing that suddenly you go dancing every night, you have 100 guys who try it with you, you are reborn, you have a lot of fun and you look great. In this second case you are showing too radical, forced, unnatural and excessive change. in conclusion you are not credible, and your ex will realize that you are having this reaction just to get his attention. Furthermore, such extreme behavior on your part could also lead to him losing all the esteem he has left of you.

    So what's the right way to use social networks to win back a man?

    The key word is moderation.

    First of all you must try as much as possible to keep the original structure of your publications unchanged.

    This means that if you post 3 selfies a week on Instagram, you have to keep doing more or less the same, without changing the frequency, type and mood of your content.

    Doing so will make him understand that you are strong, your life goes on even without him. You don't need to text him, you're not weak, responsive, and attention-seeking.

    At the same time, progressively and in moderation, you will have to publish posts in which you make your ex glimpse gods potential rivals, which is other guys you have some kind of relationship with. Don't be too explicit!

    Finally, publish a few posts that give a glimpse of something of the path of renewal and growth you are facing. For example, a book you are reading, a small achievement that you have achieved, a hobby of yours that you are cultivating or a new passion that you are discovering.


    6. Reopen the contacts

    If you have followed the previous points carefully, there is a good chance that he was the first to contact you to find out how you are, perhaps out of simple kindness, or perhaps intrigued or even I regret leaving you.

    If this has not been the case, no fear! Now you can contact him again, and you have all the credentials to surprise him and entice him to come back with you. How to do it though?

    First of all, if you have a common group of friends, if you have the opportunity to meet him in some club, at school, at university, at work, in the gym or in any other situation, now make sure that there is a chance meeting between you, and that it is born from it a friendly conversation and light.

    If you don't have a chance to meet him casually, just text him to find out how he's doing, and start a friendly conversation with him.

    Here are the feelings you need to convey to him through this conversation:

    • you are not in need, unlike the moment he left you
    • your life is slightly renewed, with some small or big changes and you are quite excited about what is happening to you
    • do not feel any grudge in his regards
    • it's not clear if you want to get back together with him or not, as your feelings for him aren't clear

    This renewal of yours, mixed with the doubt that perhaps you have completely overcome your relationship, it will displace him, it will intrigue him, and it will prompt him to take the first step to see you again.


    7. Recreate the engagement

    At this point you are back in the dance, and you have a new opportunity to seduce him, just like you did the first time you met. So take advantage of this moment as it were a new beginning, and tries to recreate an involvement on his part.

    Continue to show the news of your life, to make you see yourself happy and friendly, while keeping him on your toes and never giving up on the fact that you want to get back with him.

    If the subject of your story comes up, talk about it without embarrassment, with serenity and detachment. Tell him the idea you got about why the story ended and take responsibility for the mistakes you feel you have made.

    It is a sign of great maturity that he will undoubtedly appreciate.

    Also let him know that the end of your story has been an important step for you as it has given you the opportunity to question yourself, to grow and to rediscover yourself.

    Try to put him at ease, making sure that he too expresses his emotions and thoughts freely, and you will immediately understand his predisposition or not to get back together with you.

    If you then apply the advanced strategies contained in the ebook, to better manage the appointment with him and the immediately following phase, it is really likely that you will be able to win it back for good.

    Particular cases in the path of reconquest

    Now I want to quickly deal with some special cases you may find yourself in, and give you additional advice.

    How to win back an ex who has another

    If you find yourself in this particular case, that is, you want to know how to win back a committed ex boyfriend, I tell you right away that your situation is very delicate.

    Not because your chances of regaining are lower, but rather because you could be bullshit given the high level of jealousy and disappointment.

    Take a deep breath, and read this article of mine, where I give you 12 tips on how to win back an ex who has someone else.

    How to win back an ex from a distance

    How to win back an ex who lives far away? In this case the only tool you will have at your disposal is your phone.

    After the no-contact period, rewrite him, try to strike up a positive conversation without putting pressure on him intensify it gradually speaking deeply about your lives.

    If you can hook him on an emotional level, show yourself renewed and make him feel jealous, you will certainly push him to re-engage with you, even without the possibility of seeing him in person.

    How to win back an ex who says he doesn't love you anymore?

    Always remember that human emotions and feelings are extremely changeable. A man can convince himself that he no longer has any feelings towards a woman, only to suddenly rediscover all the passion and all the love within a few weeks of being away.

    Don't care what he told you: if your goal is to win him back, go straight on your way. If you want to learn more, take the test and find out your chances of winning back.

    How to win back an ex-husband

    If you want to know how to win back an ex-husband, I tell you that the path to follow is very similar to what we have seen so far, but there are some additional considerations to do. Let's see them:

    1. If he has decided to separate or has filed for divorce, it is probably a much deeper and more important decision than that of a guy who decides to leave his girlfriend. You will therefore have to put in a lot more effort to solve the problems between you, change and recreate the attraction.

    2. It will not always be easy to take advantage of the no contact rule because you may have children in common, shared property and other issues that like it or not force you to talk often and have a relationship.

    3. The same reasons that do not allow you to take advantage of the no contact rule give you the great opportunity to regularly connect with your ex-husband, show him the path of change and growth you are facing, make him jealous and bring him back to you.

    So ultimately accept the separation without making a scene, improve yourself and your life, maintain a friendly relationship with him and bring him back to you!

    How to win back an ex you have cheated on or hurt

    If you want to know how to win back an injured or angry ex, you must first be clear about the reasons for their resentment towards you.

    Didn't you treat him with respect? Have you betrayed his trust?

    In any case, you must avoid engaging in pleading attitudes, as humiliating yourself in an attempt to remedy the mistakes you have made will not do you any good.

    Your ex needs time and space, not futile promises.

    At the right moment it will also be essential to make him understand that you have changed for the better, and that the end of your story has been a reason for growth for you, thanks to which you have questioned and eliminated those attitudes that could have hurt him in the past.


    How to win back an ex you broke up with

    If you left him and now you regret your decision, it could be extremely easy, or extremely difficult, to win back. It all depends on what has happened in the meantime in your life, and especially in his life.

    Also, if your ex is a particularly proud dude, he may have built a wall between you that is not easy to break through. My advice? Reconnect with him honestly and gradually, showing that your door is open.

    See how she reacts, and if she doesn't reject you she even starts flirting and teasing him, without being too explicit and without doing everything by herself. Let him do the rest 😉

    How to win back a Pisces, Libra, Gemini man ...

    If you are wondering how to win back a man Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius, Pisces… let me tell you something.

    Knowing the zodiac sign is absolutely not a relevant data to win back a man. Leave astrology alone for now and focus on the path I suggested in this article 🙂

    Is it worth trying to win back an ex?

    At this point I want to continue by launching you a small but necessary provocation: do you want to win back your ex for the right reasons or for the wrong ones?

    I'll explain…

    You want to get back together with him because he is the man of your life, with whom you may have spent years of life together and still love him?

    Do you want to win him back because he is a special guy, perfectly compatible with you, better than many other men you have known or know? I mean, you want to get back with him because your story was really special?

    Or you want to go back with him because you can't be alone, and therefore you simply need to have a person by your side who gives you security and stability?

    It sounds like a nagging question, and it will come naturally to you to say that you want to get back with your ex because your story is special, and you really love him. However the second situation it is not at all rare.

    All the girls who come out of a relationship, seem desperate for a week or a month, and then suddenly start dating someone else, immediately forgetting about their ex, are a clear testimony of this.

    Let me be clear, it is not my intention to criticize or offend anyone. If you feel you want someone by your side who makes you feel good, I understand you perfectly: it is in fact a natural human need.

    If however you feel that you absolutely cannot be alone, and your past confirms this fact, because maybe you have always jumped from one story to another without ever taking real periods of solitude, then maybe it is the case that you stop for a moment.

    You will have to start doing personal growth work, to learn to feel good about yourself, completely forgetting your ex.

    If you really want to know how to win back an ex boyfriend or how to win back a man for the right reasons, the advice and additional material I have provided in this article will be of great help 😉

    Getting an ex back and never letting go

    Now that we've seen how to win back an ex boyfriend, or how to win back a man who broke up with you, let's move on to the last part of this guide, in which I want to give you some advice on how to never let yourself go, not only from the person you are trying to win back now, but also from your potential future partners.

    1. Learn to feel good about yourself

    As I have already told you before, it is normal to want someone by our side who can enrich our existence and make us happier.

    However, we cannot need another person. The need, the so-called "neediness" in English, has no positive meaning and does nothing but keep people away from us.

    Learn to find your happiness inside you, so no one will have the power to take it away from you.

    True love is not represented by two needy people who get together to complete each other, but by two people who are already happy and independent, who decide to embark on a journey together towards a even greater happiness.

    2. Stimulate his desire constantly

    I have already expressed a fundamental concept in the course of the article, but I want to bring it back:

    Human beings, when they understand that a person is too involved in them, they tend to lose interest and distance themselves from this person.

    If you show yourself too involved in a relationship, you will give your partner the idea that he has the total control of the situation, it possesses you and does not risk losing you. You are giving it all the bargaining power in this way and you cannot hope that this factor will work in your favor.

    Instead, what you will need to do is constantly stimulate his wish, showing that:

    • You care about him and your story, but you would also be able to do without it
    • You have your life, your passions, your goals and he is not at the center of everything
    • You have your girlfriends and also your male friends that he has to accept

    If you keep this attitude he will consider you every day as one precious resource, his desire for you will always be renewed, and he will never think about leaving you again.

    3. Learn to give him his space

    Lastly, in addition to creating spaces in your life to which he will not have access, you must learn to grant such spaces to him too, accepting not to always be at the center of his attention.

    Jealousy it is an ugly beast, I know, but you have to learn to manage it for your sake and your relationships, as there is nothing good in it: it is not related to love, but to the fear of losing the other person and possessiveness.

    People are not objects, we cannot own them, not even when we get engaged or married. We must therefore learn to live with the lack of control over the life of those we love, and to base our relationships on trust.

    How to get your ex back: conclusions

    Well, we've come to the end of our journey on how to get an ex back. Now you know how to get a man back, and you have all the tools you need to start taking action.

    If you have not already done so, I recommend that you find out your chances of winning back through this test, which will be able to give you a clear indication of where you are starting from. You will find that it is worth giving it a try much more often than you think!

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