How to overcome a separation?
Separation is one of the most difficult and painful challenges one can face in a lifetime. Perhaps the most painful, especially if it is one unwanted separation, and if we had invested all our energy, hopes and the best years of our life to make that relationship work.
Not only do you have to manage the legal and financial aspects of the separation process itself, but you also have to deal with the fact that your marriage is ending, and your life is changing in a totally radical way.
It is normal to suffer a lot and feel completely out of control in these months, but there are still several measures that will help you to recover your stability more quickly, to overcome the pain and to regain lost serenity ...
I have already written some very in-depth guides on how to win back the husband and how to win back the wife, but this is not the subject of today's article, as we are about to see how to deal with a separation, after noting that the rapprochement with the ex partner is no longer possible or desired.
How to overcome a separation and return to living peacefully
Below you will find the infographic, and then the point-by-point explanation of the steps to follow to overcome a separation in the best way. Enjoy the reading!
1. clearly regulates the conditions of separation
Leaving with your partner after a relationship that has lasted for years necessarily presupposes the crossing of conflicts and dramas. We rarely leave each other painlessly and with a smile on our lips. However, it is essential to find an agreement for all financial, property and educational matters and the needs of your children (if you have any).
Your future serenity also depends on the clarity with which you and the ex partner will be able to establish conditions and rules that are acceptable to both parties through a consensual separation.
2. close or limit contacts with the ex partner
Limit your contact with your ex partner as much as possible. You have a deep wound in your heart, and you can't heal it if you keep subjecting yourself to the same stimuli that caused it over and over again. You need distance from your partner to heal, so avoid hearing, seeing or observing their movements from afar (live or on social networks).
3. make the decision to move forward
In order to overcome a separation, it is necessary to make an unequivocal decision to move on and begin a healing process. As much as the heart may be hurt and anchored in the past relationship with the ex, the mind has the ability to project you forward and be your compass even in the most difficult moments.
You will suffer for sure, and the first period will be anything but easy, but inside you will know that you are on a path to recovery, and this will make you feel better and more in control. Soon you will be completely out of it!
PS: to find out how you are coping with separation, I invite you to take a quick online test. By answering a few simple questions you will understand what mistakes you are making, and what you are doing right. Find it here.
4. Process the pain
At this point it is okay to take some time to mourn the loss, feel the emptiness it left in your life and living the pain to the fullest. Rather than running away from pain by engaging in other activities, I recommend that you face it and focus on it, through the so-called "pain meditation" and all the other exercises.
By taking the time to grieve and explore negative emotions, you will be able to process them and bring them to fruition, returning to feel better much faster.
5. give time to time
Remember not to be in a hurry - your heart will heal completely and you will feel better again, but it is not an immediate process. Depending on your age, the length and the importance of the relationship you have been in, you may need 3, 6, or 12 months to get over the pain and fully recover.
6. get your sense of yourself back
Being alone after having lived months or years with a person, it is normal to feel a bit confused and to ask oneself things like "what is the meaning of my life now?", Or "who am I without him / her?".
This is precisely why you need to start find your identity: You were there before you met your ex, and you will always be there, regardless of whether he or she is with you or not.
As discovered by this scientific research, quickly regaining an individual dimension after the end of a relationship, allows you to regain psychological well-being much more quickly. Here is what you could concretely do to find your identity:
- return to cultivate the relationship with your friends;
- go out and enjoy;
- resume your hobbies that you had recently neglected;
- sign up for a course (salsa, theater, yoga ...) and meet new people;
- do something new, which you have never done in your life;
- take a trip alone or with your friends;
- have a nice time with your family.
7. make movement
Exercising and exercise is a very important part of your healing process, as these are activities that cause a increased dopamine and serotonin produced by your brain.
These neurotransmitters are responsible for regulating your mood and sleep; they also have a direct impact on the clarity and clarity of your thoughts. In general, people with low dopamine and serotonin levels often suffer from lack of motivation and depression.
Exercising will help you improve the relationship you have with yourself and your body and will cause a increase in your levels of self-esteem and well-being. All very useful things for everyone, but especially for a person who, like you, is facing a daily battle against the pain and negativity associated with a loss.
8. seek support elsewhere
The ex partner has decided to get away from you and therefore you can no longer count on his support, support and love. It probably was the reference point of your life for a long time, but now it is no longer and therefore you must absolutely fill at least part of the emotional void you are experiencing.
Rather than throwing yourself into a new relationship before you are ready, the best thing to do at this stage is to rediscover the support of your family and friends. It is a different but equally fundamental love.
As we accept receiving what we need from family and friends, our dependence on our partner decreases; and as we fill ourselves with love without depending on the ex partner, we are able to get rid of the pain completely.
9. overcoming a separation through reading
Reading can and must be a great ally in dealing with a separation. There are so many books on relationships, love and personal growth that they will be of enormous help to you in overcoming pain and rediscovering yourself.
10. get help
What you are experiencing is not a burden that you have to carry alone. Sharing your pain with others will help you to ad speed up the healing process.
If you ever have to attend a seminar, support group, or seek the help of a counselor, now is the best time to do it. Talking about the situation with people close to you can also greatly ease the burden you are carrying.
How to get over a breakup at 50
Okay, facing the end of a relationship when you are 20 or 30 can be relatively easy, but how to do it when you are already older in age, and that relationship represented for us a certainty based on years of coexistence, happiness , promises and common commitments?
How to overcome a separation at 50?
Make no mistake: in this case achieving total healing will be a more challenging process and will take longer. But no wound is forever.