How to deal with an unwanted breakup: 5 scientifically proven tricks

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Louise Hay

Dealing with a breakup is complicated, especially when the decision is not up to us. There are many emotions at stake, too many shared things and an uncertain path on the horizon. To all this is added that love acts like a drug in the brain, so when the loved one moves away from us we can be attacked by the emotional withdrawal syndrome. Fortunately, science can help us get through this stage better.

How to deal with the breakup of a relationship?

1. Listen to some sad music you like

At first glance it may seem like a contradiction, how is it possible that listening to sad music can help you mend the broken pieces? However, researchers from the Freie Universität of Berlin found that listening to sad songs makes us feel better and generates a positive feeling of inner peace.

These psychologists have found that the sad songs with which we identify with activate the production of dopamine, especially at the most critical points of the melody, which generates a feeling of pleasure. In other cases, sad music can help us channel our emotions, to the point of making us cry. In fact, crying has enormous cathartic power, it helps us release negative emotions by making us feel better.

2. Reflect on separation, give it meaning

When a couple's relationship is interrupted, advice rains. Many people will tell us to turn the page and start a new life, not to think about our ex anymore. In fact, we'd like to hide the pain of what happened in the back of our minds, but this behavior will do us more harm than good. It is always convenient to make sense of what happened. When we go through difficult situations, being able to give it meaning to fit into our life story will help us heal the wound.

In this regard, psychologists at Northwestern University and the University of Arizona recommend taking time to reflect on the reasons that caused the separation. In their study, they found that people who thought carefully about the reasons for the separation were able to feel better over the next nine weeks, accepted the new situation, and also reported feeling less alone. However, it is essential that we do not elaborate maladaptive and blaming stories that lock us in a vicious circle but that we manage to establish an emotional distance.

3. Try something new that you get excited about

A separation represents an opportunity for self-discovery. A relationship as a couple, especially if it has lasted many years, causes enormous changes in terms of identity, as determined by psychologists at Northwestern University. In their study, these researchers found that the more time we spend in a relationship, the more our identity becomes intertwined with that of our partner, to the point that the perception of our "I" widens to include the other. This is one of the reasons separation is so painful: it triggers an identity crisis by making us feel that we are not a person of value or worthy of being loved.

Since separation can affect our sense of identity, a good antidote can be to try new experiences. Which? Neuroscientists at the University of Colorado have discovered that any activity can be beneficial in relieving pain caused by a separation, as long as they think it can help us. These researchers have found that when we believe that something may be useful to us, a part of the brain called the periaqueductal gray matter is activated, which reduces pain by triggering the production of neurotransmitters such as dopamine and opioids.

4. Seek refuge in a ritual that comforts you

When a relationship breaks down it is understandable to want the pain to go away, we would like to have a time machine available to move from the current discomfort to a less painful future. But emotional wounds take time to heal. To overcome a love story it is necessary to establish a definitive "closure". And this is precisely one of the functions of rituals.

Rituals help us to assume what has happened and adopt a new perspective that allows us to look to the future. They are a transitional vehicle that allows us to accept that the relationship has ended and the reality we lived in no longer exists. An experiment conducted at Harvard University found that rituals not only comfort us, help cope with pain and allow us to make sense of loss, but are also essential in order to regain the feeling of control, without which we could hardly go. come on.

5. Get your ex back if it's worth it

A separation isn't always the end point. When the other person has left a door open, we can evaluate whether it is worth reconciling. We must be aware that cycles of separation and reconciliation tend to wear down the relationship by generating insecurity and dissatisfaction, but a study developed by the University of Texas revealed that when couples use that time to reflect on their mistakes and commit to work hard, they often they develop stronger and more satisfying relationships because they have learned to value the positive aspects of the other.

As if it were personal sessions, this guide helps us to discover the real reasons for separation and understand the Psychology of couple relationships, two essential steps to make the relationship work and be truly satisfying for both. Then, he takes us by the hand and guides us by pointing out the mistakes we shouldn't make when we propose how to win back an ex and the most effective techniques according to the different circumstances.

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