Knowing how to control anger and being able to address it can be the secret weapon to achieve your goals. An ancient Cherokee legend tells you how to do it (no, you don't know this version).
"Speak without controlling your anger and you will deliver the best speech you can regret."
A. Bierce.
Anger is one of them 4 core sensations. If it dominates us, we are slaves to it, but if we manage to direct it, it can give us the necessary push to face even the most difficult obstacles.
In today's article I would like to tell you about how to control anger. Eye: "control", do not repress. In fact, repressed anger can have far more dangerous consequences than simple anger. To address this issue, I have chosen to offer you an ancient Native American tale: the Cherokee legend of the two wolves.
There is a well-known short version of this story, which is often re-proposed on social media. I am sure you have read it. This version is pricey, but the moral it intends to convey has never completely convinced me. For this reason I have decided to bring you a much less common version, but one that has far more interesting implications for anger control and, in general, the emotion management. What do you say, we read it together?
The legend of the 2 wolves: the story they didn't tell you
In the best-known version of this story, an elder of the Cherokee tribe is told who explains to his grandson how two wolves dwell in his heart and that of all human beings: a black Wolf it's a White Wolf. The white wolf is docile and good-natured, while the black one is violent and angry. The two wolves constantly fight each other. When asked by his nephew which of the two wolves will prevail, the elder Cherokee replies: “The one we feed the most“.
Are we sure? The idea that the angry (black) wolf goes hungry, as we shall see, is not a particularly bright choice. The solution proposed in the unedited version of this famous legend convinces me much more ...
Because both wolves need to be fed
One day a Cherokee village chief decided it was time to teach his favorite grandson an important life lesson. He took him to the forest, made him sit at the foot of a large tree and began to tell him about the struggle that takes place in the heart of every human being:
“Dear nephew, you must know that in the mind and heart of every human being there is a perpetual conflict. If you don't become aware of it, you risk getting scared and this, sooner or later, will lead you to be confused, lost and a victim of events. Know that this battle also resides in the heart of a wise and elderly person like me.
In fact, they dwell in my soul two big wolves: one white, the other black. The white wolf is good, kind and loving; he loves harmony and fights only to protect himself and his "pack". The black wolf, on the other hand, is grumpy, violent and angry. Every little mishap is a pretext for his outburst. He quarrels with anyone, continuously, for no reason. His thinking is clouded by hatred, greed and anger. But his anger is useless, because it brings him nothing but trouble. You must know that there are days when it is really difficult to live with these two wolves who are fighting relentlessly to dominate my soul. "
At which the little Cherokee anxiously asked his grandfather: "But in the end which of the two wolves will win?"
The Indian chief replied in a firm voice over the sound of the trees in the forest:
"Both. You see nephew, if I fed only the white wolf, the black one would wait for me hungry in the dark and at the first distraction it would attack the good wolf to death. If, on the contrary, I give him the right attention, I try to understand its nature and learn to exploit its strength and power in times of need, the two wolves will be able to coexist peacefully in my soul. "
The boy looked confused: "How is it possible that they both win, Grandpa ?!"
The elder Cherokee smiled at his grandson and continued his story: “The black wolf has many qualities that we all may need under certain circumstances. He is reckless and determined, cunning and capable of devising indispensable strategies for dominating in battle. His senses are refined and his eyes, accustomed to darkness, can scan even the slightest movement and thus save us from a night ambush. In short, if we know how to tame our black wolf he can prove to be our most valid ally. "
To definitively convince his nephew, the Indian chief took two pieces of meat from his bag and threw them on the ground, one to the left and the other to the right, and pointing to them said: "Here on my left is the piece of meat for the white wolf and on my right the food for the black wolf. If I feed both of them, the two wolves won't fight each other to conquer my mind and I can choose which wolf to turn to whenever I need them. Remember:
Repressed anger, like the hungry wolf, is dangerous.
Dear nephew, you must understand that we must not suppress or starve any facet of our character. To control the anger and other dark sides that lurk in the back of our mind, we must learn to get to know them, accept and exploit them in the most suitable circumstances. Only in this way will the inner struggle between our two wolves cease. "
I hope you enjoyed this version of the Cherokee legend and gave you some new insights. I would like to share some with you now practical tips for controlling anger, even in the moments when you would like to fuck everyone and everything ;-)
Practical tips for controlling anger
Anger is like a torrent in flood: if something stands in his way, he is overwhelmed and the rubble creates even more destruction. However, there are practical strategies to control the flow and direct it towards our goals. Here are the 3 that I consider most effective:
- Remember your finger on the tap. Have you ever, perhaps cleaning a sink, put your finger on the tap to get a more powerful jet of water? What happens if you put too much pressure on your finger? Yep, the jet gets out of control and you find yourself splashing all over the place. The same thing happens with anger: if you try to repress it, to stop the flow, the pressure will rise to such an extent that you will no longer be able to control the consequences. Remove the "finger", let the anger flow, accept it, observe it, do not starve your black wolf, give it just what it takes to keep it on a leash and use its power to your advantage. Repression is always the wrong choice: when you feel anger growing inside you, try to apply the 15 minutes technique that I explained to you in this article dedicated to self-control. The tip also works perfectly with outbursts.
- Use the wide angle. Anger has the ability to make us consider frivolous things important and important things negligible. When we're angry we lose perspective on events and put our ego ahead of relationships and our long-term happiness - that's stupid. The next time you are about to have a tantrum, try asking yourself this very simple question: "Will what I'm getting nervous about matter in 5 years?". This question works like the wide angle of a camera, it helps you to detach yourself from the little daily pisses and see the big picture.
- Put anger in writing. The latter strategy is by far one of my favorites, but unlike the others it cannot be applied when we are in the middle of an argument. However, it will be extremely useful for you to understand how you can target GetPersonalGrowth your nervous energy. When you feel anger boiling inside, grab a sheet of paper or open a note on your smartphone and answer these 3 questions: Who what is it making you angry? Why Does this person or event make you so nervous? As can you take action to use anger to your advantage? This last question is the most important. Paraphrasing Gordon Gekko, we could say: “anger is good“. Anger should not only not be repressed, but it should not be wasted in useless theatrical explosions: leave them to the hysterical bimbominkia. Remember thearchetype of the warrior? One of his characterizing traits is positive aggression, that is the inner strength that allows him to push himself to the limits of his comfort zone. Use anger and turn it into positive aggression; ride the black wolf and use his strength to prove who you are and what you are worth.
This week's article ends here. Let me know if you liked it using the comments or social buttons. I wish you to face the week with healthy aggression ;-) GetPersonalGrowth.
“Stay ANGRY. Stay foolish”
Black wolf.
