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    He left me and is not looking for me: this is what you have to do

    Who I am
    Joe Dispenza
    @joedispenza
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    He left me and is not looking for me!

    If he leaves you and doesn't look for you anymore, it is normal for you to get a little bit taken by discouragement, disappointment, pain, and a whole series of negative emotions that are difficult to control, which sometimes do not even let you sleep in peace at night.

    Being left behind just sucks, and I know exactly how you feel, but I can tell you that you have come to the right place!



    In this article "he left me and is not looking for me", I want to give you some very valuable advice on how to better manage the situation, so as not to lose your dignity, get back to feeling better as soon as possible, not make things worse, and maybe even to manage to win him back (if that's what you want).

    If you are a girl and have been dumped by your ex, read on. On the other hand, if you are in the opposite situation (that is, you are a boy, she has left you and is not looking for you) I invite you to read another very in-depth article on our blog: how to win back an ex girlfriend.

    We come to us… spontaneously you may have the urge to constantly look for him on the phone, or try to fix things right away.

    Instead, I want you to understand that when you are left, the best thing to do is leave space for the other person, not looking for it, and focusing on improving yourself and your life.



    In short, the rule to follow here is very simple: if he leaves you don't look for him!

    Later, if you understand that you don't want to give up on that person anyway, you can try to get closer to them with a much higher probability of getting a positive result.

    We will see all of these things in the article, but first I want to invite you to check your chances of winning back through a quick and free online quiz, which I have prepared especially for you.

    It only takes two minutes to complete, and based on how you answer 15 questions I will give you a percentage, which represents your likelihood of winning back your partner. Find it here.


    He left me and is not looking for me

    “He has left me and is not looking for me. Because??"

    Your ex has probably given you some more or less convincing explanations as to why or why he decided to end your relationship. Maybe it was sincere, but at the same time it's possible he didn't tell you the whole truth.

    It's bad to have to say things that can hurt, so we always look for softer solutions, even to get out of the relationship in a more elegant way. Listen to the justifications he has given you, but, at the same time, start a process within yourself to try to understand what the real reasons are so things were no longer between you two.



    Perhaps do you have another Or he simply wanted to be free to do New experiences.

    Maybe he felt too pressed from some of your attitudes and needed his space more.

    Perhaps there was no longer that passion and that involvement that were there before.

    Perhaps you became too needy of him and he felt too "in control" of the situation.

    I'm not the one who can tell you why he broke up with you, but the ones listed above are generally the most common reasons for a guy to break up with his girlfriend.

    It's up to you now to do your evaluations, understand the reason for his choice, accept it, and see if it's a fixable thing (and how you might fix it).

    In fact, it will be impossible to think of getting back together with him if you have not fully understood the reasons why your story is over, and not putting yourself at least a bit under discussion.


    If he leaves you, don't look for him

    "My boyfriend left me and he is not looking for me" ... so don't be looking for him! First rule.

    If your ex is no longer looking for you, once you understand the reasons why he broke up with you, it is good that you leave the scene. It will be difficult for you to stop looking for him, stop looking at his Facebook profile all the time, and not try to get his attention in some way; but that's exactly what you need to do.



    È essential that, at this stage, you do not contact him for any reason in the world. It is a rule that you must absolutely respect and, every time you fail to do it, you enormously limit your chances of taking it back tomorrow, but also and above all you affect your possibility of returning to feel better quickly.

    When he leaves you, one technique that works wonderfully is to set a specific time frame in which you forbid to look at his social networks, text him or call him. This is the classic “no contact principle”, which I talk about in depth in this article of mine.

    Normally I always recommend setting a no contact period of 21 or 30 days, but sometimes it may be better to wait longer or shorter.

    It would be unthinkable to decide never to write to him again, but to fix one very accurate date before which you promise that you will not do it, it is something that is totally within your possibilities, and will help you recover the lost lucidity and in the meantime do a great job on yourself and your life.

    Remember one key thing: you are not necessarily giving up on him. You have embarked on a path that will lead you to feel better, but probably also to make him come back to you with the tail between the legs. In fact it is not unlikely the scenario in which he will contact you again, surprised that he does not calculate it anymore.

    Trying to get his attention with painful posts on social media or talking to his friends, contacting him obsessively, crying, making scenes, are all things that instead would just push him further away and lose him forever.

    So when you're left it's best to disappear for a while.

    My boyfriend left me: processes the pain

    "He left me and is not looking for me ... how can I overcome the pain?"

    Today begins a phase of your life totally new. Pain, initially, will be your companion in adventure, you will have to accept it and live with it. Don't try to ignore it by avoiding the problem.

    Rather, give yourself a specific amount of time for process the pain and focus on it. I advise you to take yourself one to two weeks, in which you will fully experience your negative emotions, giving them vent and focusing on them.

    There is an exercise that I recommend that you do, which will surely help you to process the pain faster:

    1. remember one of the most beautiful moments passed with him

    2. linger on that sweet thought for 4 / 5 minutes

    3. now, mentally, imagine this moment coming turned into a photograph that remains in your hands.

    4. now hang this photo on an imaginary wall that represents your memories.

    5. repeat the same exercise for others 5/6 special moments lived with him

    This exercise, when done every day for a week or two, will help you work through the pain faster and make you feel a little better.

    She left me and she doesn't look for me anymore: you start from yourself

    Now that you have worked through the pain and been able to permanently close contact with him, you are ready to go back to take your life in hand. I know you still feel broken, but if you followed my advice, you feel a little better than two weeks ago.

    If, on the other hand, you have “fallen into temptation” and you have contacted him again, you will feel bad, just as bad as the day he left you or maybe even more (because you certainly won't be able to win him back in this way).

    If you have been good, even after the worst of breakups, you are now able to live, to take some moments for yourself or with your friends, where you will manage not to think about him at all.

    Start bringing in new things, new relationships and new emotions in your life, which will gradually fill the void that his absence has created.

    Think about being happy!

    Here are some things you could do to feel better:

    1. Sign up in gym, to get back in shape, or to feel even more beautiful

    2. Sign up for a course where you will meet new people (dance, theater, meditation, yoga)

    3. Spend more time with i your friends (but be careful not to just do it so you can talk about him; turn the conversation to something else)

    4. Do some change in your look, in your life or in your habits that makes you feel good about yourself

    5. Start changing your life with personal growth reading.

    He has left me and is not looking for me: send him signals

    Now you feel much better ... right?

    Surely you still think about him, but your life has restarted, you made some small changes, and you realized that in the end he wasn't all that indispensable.

    Now you can begin, slowly, to send small signals around you that you are better, and that you are a renewed person.

    Here's what you could do:

    1. Change your profile picture on Facebook and WhatsApp (it's a bomb)

    2. Post photos or content on Facebook or Instagram (or any other social network you both use) where you show that there is something new in your life, which he does not know and does not expect

    3. Do something that makes him slightly jealous. It does not have to be an explicit gesture, but more than anything else a vague signal, which makes him suspicious of the fact that maybe you are going out with someone else (I leave it to your female intuition the choice of the best method to achieve the result)

    By using these tricks you will certainly be able to have an effect on his mood, and you will create a fertile ground for you to be able to contact him effectively when the time comes.


    He left me and is not looking for me: the reconquest strategy

    At this point, the ground may be fertile enough to reconnect with your ex and see if there's any way to go reconnect, the minus.

    Find a good excuse to get back to him and write him a friendly message but not needy. Try to stimulate a positive conversation, which creates discontinuity with the past.

    Here are the feelings you need to convey to him through this conversation:

    1. you are not in need, unlike the moment he left you

    2. your life is slightly renewed, with small or big changes and you are quite excited about what's happening to you

    3. you still have affection for him, but you don't feel the need to get back together

    4. you would love to see it again for a coffee and a chat

    Hardly he, seeing you so renewed and positive, will refuse a meeting (which you can propose explicitly or a little more veiled).

    If he agrees to see you again, it means you still have a chance to get him back.

    Show up for your appointment with one light mood, and show him a genuine pleasure in spending time with him, without putting any pressure on him wanting to get back together.

    Also showcase some news about you, which will make him tremendously intrigued.

    Such novelties can be aesthetic (a new haircut, a tan, a new dress, a slightly different style than usual ...) or emotional (you are happier, you transmit positivity, you have a different energy than you had before, you understand something more about the world ...).

    You can also tell him clearly about new things you have tried and experienced since you are no longer together.

    You may be wondering now if and eat you have to address the topic of your relationship ...

    I advise you not to be the first to introduce the topic, but if he wants to talk about it, do it with serenity and detachment. Tell him the idea you got about why the story ended and take responsibility for the mistakes you feel you made, but show him that you are no longer who you were: you changed.

    Let him know that the end of your story has been an important step for you as it gave you the opportunity to question yourself, of to grow up and to find yourself again, and now you are fine.

    In summary, during this first date and starting from it you will have to try to attract him back to you, showing you beautiful and positive, but at the same time giving him the feeling of not having completely won the battle, stimulating him intellectually, making him stay on edge, well ... not giving him the certainty that you want to go back with him.

    He has left me and is not looking for me: conclusions

    To conclude, if you are serious about getting your ex back and getting well again quickly, I want to give you some fundamental advice, probably the most important of all you will find on this page: follow a specific plan!

    The reconquest is a delicate process, so your actions must be well organized and consistent with each other, so as not to risk drifting away from your goal instead of getting closer to it.


    All suggestions that I myself would have paid gold to receive a few years ago, when I was sick for love, before starting my path of personal growth and study of couple relationships.

    Finally, I want to tell you that sometimes winning it back will be quite easy, especially if you are ready to question yourself by working on yourself. Other times, unfortunately, it won't be that easy, or maybe over time you will realize yourself that you don't want to go back with him.

    Give it a try, because in life we ​​must never give up for the things we really want, but remember that no one is indispensable for us, and above all none are irreplaceable. Even if it goes wrong, you will be able to find someone else who can get your heart racing again.

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