Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: 15 November 2021
The Taoist doctrine offers wise advice for learning to deal with difficult people, those who steal our energy and often hinder us on our path. According to the philosopher Laozi, in these cases the best thing to do is to stay calm, get rid of negative emotions and take away the power of those who disturb our serenity.
If we take a look at the texts and manuals on how to improve your communication style and achieve job success, one topic is often addressed: the need to learn how to manage difficult people. Since the topic is quite broad, It is better to first define difficult people.
In the world of corporate coaching it is known that to survive in a social context one must necessarily live with particular personalities, we are talking about passive-aggressive and narcissistic personalities. They are presences that swarm in any scenario, that resort to verbal abuse and manipulation and that often disturb us.
In recent years, most of the publications whose purpose is to teach us to manage situations of this type refer to the teachings of Taoism because this doctrine is based on a positive management of emotions and teaches to put an end to abuses of power, to set limits and to improve communication with others.
It does not matter that the texts of Taoism date back centuries, their usefulness still makes them a precious legacy today.
We also invite you to read: When for fear of conflict we leave room for injustice
Taoism teachings for dealing with difficult people
1. Don't get into a fight
One of the teachings of Taoism refers to the simile "life is like a flowing river". We should all flow free like a river and live in harmony.
Concepts such as struggle, confrontation or resistance are antithetical to the idea of life as a river that invites us to move forward with courage and flexibility. Those who choose to argue or come to terms with difficult people will only increase their discomfort and frustration.
Choosing not to fight does not mean giving up or being trampled on, it means above all not giving power to those who do not deserve it, preferring wisdom to violence and choosing calm instead of being overcome by anxiety..
2. Get rid of negative emotions
Difficult people often ruin our day with a single word or comment. No matter how irrational their message is, the fact that it is inappropriate still disturbs us. One of the tips of Taoism is to avoid being impulsive and to leave room for common sense and judgment.
Try to control anxiety and negative emotions. When the person in question has done or said something negative, we count to 10 and breathe deeply. Nobody has the right to ruin our day, so let's get rid of anger, resentment and bad mood.
The mind must be like an open room, so that the polluted air that enters disappears immediately.
3. Siate proactive, non reactive
Sometimes we find ourselves victims of the bad deeds of toxic or difficult people. Over time, we build up hatred, malaise and frustration and run the risk of reacting in the worst possible way. That's no good. Sooner or later we regret this reaction and not having set limits.
Taoism teaches to be proactive. What exactly does this mean? It means that we have to learn to take control of events instead of standing still and watching.
When we come across a difficult person, we try to put ourselves in their shoes and say "it can't be easy".
This sentence can make us understand many things: "It must not be easy for this person to be unpleasant at all, to have so little patience and little control over his emotions" or "It must not be easy for my brother not to have a job, to be full of debts and moreover to have such a complicated character ”.
Understanding the point of view of others allows us to better control the situation in which we find ourselves. We will be able to offer appropriate help when needed or make constructive criticisms that are truthful and inspiring.
4. The strength of bamboo
Sometimes it happens to reach a limit point with difficult people: we feel cornered, helpless and totally humiliated. In these moments, Taoism invites us to visualize bamboo.
Even the bamboo canes bend, they suffer the impact of the wind that wants to control them. But this does not happen, because bamboo finds strength in its flexibility. Bending over means that he will have more strength to react.
Read also: The fern and the bamboo: the fable of hope
This is also true for us. When we feel we have reached the limit, then it is time to stand up harder to change things. It doesn't mean making use of violence, because strength is not synonymous with violence, it is responsiveness, it is adopting a position of courage and wisdom in the face of those who want to transform us into what we are not: weak people.
In conclusion, Taoism is full of great pearls of wisdom that stimulate our learning ability, teaching us to manage wisely the difficulties we encounter in everyday life.
Let us therefore try to draw a lesson from the teachings of the Taosti masters and apply them whenever possible.
