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    Getting back together - is it worth it?

    Who I am
    Louise Hay
    @louisehay
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    A
    Cervantes once said that: “it is preferable
    the worst reconciliation to the best divorce ". To be honest not
    I coincide with his idea but it seems that instead there are many who do it.
    In fact, regardless of all the difficulties that are experienced when it breaks down
    a couple relationship, a large percentage of people choose to
    reconcile. Statistically it is said that around 75% of people have returned
    to live with the partner from whom she separated.



    What…
    reconciliation is based on ignorance of the facts, in the persistence of love,
    in positive illusions or is it perhaps an occult masochistic tendency? The
    causes that lead to reconciliation are manifold and range from the fact that
    however love persists to the point of fear of being alone, or rather it is just ignorance
    of couple habits. Of course, the ideal is that there is reconciliation
    guided by love and that both recognize their responsibilities in
    previous failure, to compromise to avoid the same mistakes in
    future. Reconciling does not mean starting over
    from scratch

    Le
    people are usually influenced by two great opposing theories: 1.
    Human nature is stable and tends to avoid change 2.
    Human nature is unstable and instinctively seeks Chi change
    he lets himself be guided by the first theory and tends to think that there is a person
    made exclusively for her in the world and, therefore, they will have to stay together
    For all life. Whoever is guided by the second theory knows that love must
    being fed constantly and that change in couple relationships
    it can be a normal process when the reasons for being together are over. There
    the truth is that both theories are both false and true at the same time. That is, the
    change is necessary to develop as people but at the same time
    we tend to resist it. It would be ideal to be able to achieve a balance
    perfect between the two theories. For
    as far as relationships are concerned, there are some things they can
    change, as long as we try, but there are other aspects that will be particularly
    difficult to smooth out. The ability to change plays an essential role
    at the moment of rupture and reconciliation. Basically we decide to
    breaking up a relationship when we consider that the other person cannot
    change to meet our needs. On the contrary, we decide to
    to reconcile when we have seen that the other has changed, or when
    we believe it can really change. Obviously, evaluate the actual ability to
    change is difficult (both for oneself and for others) and sometimes there
    we are wrong in making the decision. But
    if it is difficult to break up, it is even more difficult to reconcile. The fact is that the
    reconciliation, however much we wish to understand it as a new beginning, is
    rather an extension of the previous relationship. This means not
    we can forget about everything that happened and that the past one way or
    in the other it will always be affecting the new relationship. Is not the same thing
    starting from scratch than resuming a path on which they are often already found
    several unhealed wounds. To
    anyway, the fact that there is a previous relationship history of the couple does not
    it necessarily means that everything must be negative. If both are
    able to learn from the past so as not to make the same mistakes and yes
    seriously compromise in the relationship, then reconciliation can also
    work. However, if one of the members is unable to forget what happened
    or to compromise with change, letting the past come back to create
    problems, then reconciliation will be bad and will only cause more pain. A
    another detail that is often overlooked, especially when it takes place later
    a very long period of time, is that the other person is no longer the same (in
    good as bad). During the time of separation we often stand out alone
    positive memories, and on many occasions, these make us idealize the other
    person or consider only the more pleasant sides of this. Expect one
    reconciliation with the same person is a utopia just as it is not possible
    hope to keep only the positive aspects of the previous relationship. Also
    in the latter case the change that has occurred in the other must not be
    necessarily negative but rather to the contrary, it can bring a dose of
    mystery to the relationship, allowing us to rediscover the life of a couple and live it
    in a completely different perspective. summing up
    Reconciliation
    it is positive when: - There is
    mutual trust. This means that both can regress without
    resentment of the relationship because the wounds have healed, in such a way
    that the past will not turn into an impossible boulder to sustain. - There is
    love and passion. The rest of the motifs usually don't have enough strength
    to make the relationship last satisfactorily over time. - Vi
    it is compromised with change. They both recognize their mistakes and they are
    willing to change to improve the relationship.
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