Last update: June 26, 2015
When we feel a grudge, we also feel repressed pain and anger, which has been going on for a long time since the thing happened that we are still resentful of now.. We detach ourselves from what has happened or what could happen in the future and always remain in the same situation, which never seems to change.
"I feel a grudge towards my sister, because when I needed her, she didn't care about me, she didn't care and she didn't care what I did", "I have it with my partner, because a year ago I didn't he consulted before making that important decision ”.
We eliminate interest in the other person and make sure that we don't care what they do or say. However, we cannot remove the feeling of frustration, anger, helplessness or pain for what has offended us.
When we feel a grudge or resentment, we continue to have that feeling, as the word itself suggests, "re-feeling". It is a small drawer where we keep the repressed pain and anger, not processed, but accumulated over time and which, if we are not careful, could continue to grow like a monster that makes its way inside us and gets bigger and bigger.
Generally, those who feel resentment or resentment at the beginning are not in the ideal conditions to understand, resolve or forget, as it is a very negative emotion on a social level..
The resentment, however, like any other emotion, has an origin and a reason for being that allow us to understand it and which serve to signal the presence of a problem or difficulty that we struggle to solve.
Feel and re-feel
Resentment arises when we have a frustrating, upsetting experience for which we do not express our pain or anger. For this reason, people who feel resentment or resentment are usually hypersensitive, they experience pain and anger with great intensity as they have not learned to manifest them adequately..
Thus, little by little, anger and pain accumulate and then become exaggerated and disproportionate.
The pain and anger that live inside us grow more and more until it becomes a kind of monster that takes advantage of us. We all know that anything that is not expressed and metabolized becomes toxic and chronic.
Faced with the constant presence of resentment, it is worth asking what our opinion of ourselves for feeling this repressed anger, as it will help us discover how we are processing it.
We can evaluate ourselves in many ways, some will help us resolve the grudge, but others, such as self-contempt or underestimating ourselves, will only make the grudge worse..
If, in addition to pain and anger, we blame ourselves, we may feel "bad people" who do not deserve to be loved or helped. This inevitably compromises self-esteem.
Consequently, to prevent resentment from appearing, the most effective strategies are: knowing how to get angry in a "correct way" and, above all, recognize and express the pain you feel.
If we take into account that most of us do not know or have not had the opportunity to learn to express our anger in the right way and even where to direct the energy of this emotion, then it is normal that more problems are created than solutions.
When we get angry, it's usually because our expectations have gone beyond reality. Consequently, we must keep in mind that we are producing an increase in energy to have more strength and solve the problem that has been bothering us. The question is how and how much we express this annoyance.
This, along with the act of communicating our pain without reproaching ourselves, will ensure that resentment does not grow within us.
However, if we cannot prevent resentment from appearing, we should observe and change our thinking about how much it has hurt us.. Instead of belittling our person, we must give ourselves the opportunity to convey how we feel and what we need, so we realize we are hurt and angry and we can communicate it to the person in question in an appropriate way.
It is about being aware of what is happening and identifying how we feel, instead of acting automatically, as well as understanding that not everyone can give us what we have asked for or need, not only because of the circumstances, but also why we often do not express our needs clearly.