Practical tips to overcome your perennial state of dissatisfaction and frustration.
"I am as frustrated as an arsonist in a petrified forest."
A. Whitney Brown.
Admit it: how many times have you found yourself unable to reach a goal, failing an important milestone, or simply not being able to change your current situation, despite continued efforts?
Faced with these situations, every human being tends to react with a very specific sensation: the frustration.
Frustration is a lethal mix of deep dissatisfaction, a sense of helplessness and anger. We are perfectly aware that things cannot go on like this, but we do not have the faintest idea of what to do to improve them: we then find ourselves insisting on wrong actions whose results are inevitably disappointing.
Is there a more effective way?
The way of compliance
As a teenager I practiced for almost 8 years Judo, even at a competitive level, even ranking first in the regional championships: ok, in my weight class we were only 3, but do you want to put satisfaction ?! ;-)
I have always loved martial arts and since I was a child I understood that it was not just a question of sports, but of real philosophies of life.
The term Judo, which identifies the martial art officially born in 1882 by the Master Jigorō Kanō, literally means: "Way of Compliance". Master Kanō himself explains why:
“Judo is the most effective way to use physical and mental strength. Training in the discipline of Judo means achieving perfect knowledge of the ego through training and the assiduous commitment to obtain physical and spiritual improvement. The improvement of the ego thus obtained must be directed to social work, which is the ultimate goal of Judo. In the execution of kata (predefined attack-defense schemes), the Judo student backs away when attacked by the opponent, and then turns against his own strength. This is the basic principle of Judo: an initial compliance before the final victory. "
Jigorō Kanō.
In short, I grew up on the strength of bread and uchi-mata (my favorite technique): it is not surprising that I am passionate abouteffectiveness and personal growth!
If martial arts in general and Judo in particular intrigue you, below you will find a video of the 26 deadliest moves in Judo practiced in less than 29 seconds ;-)
Nice video, nice whole story about judo as a philosophy of life, but wasn't it supposed to be an article on frustration and how to overcome it ?!
The "Way of Compliance" can be a very powerful metaphor when we are faced with periods of frustration in our life.
In Judo, in order to defeat our opponent, we must not counter his strength, rather we must use it to our advantage and turn it against him at the right moment. As Master Kanō himself said: Judo foresees "an initial compliance, before the final victory".
The same principle it applies to life.
The more we try to counter our sense of frustration, the more it grows within us. The more we wriggle with anger and energy, the more dissatisfaction takes control of our life.
If we want to free ourselves from the sense of frustration the only way is the "Way of Compliance": we must learn to surrender to life.
Practical tips for "surrendering to life"
I am aware that a statement such as: "you must learn to surrender to life", said by someone who for 4 years has been bothering you with articles on determination, discipline and the fight against procrastination is a little ... unsettling. Yet sometimes this is the only way to "final victory". I want to try to convince you with some practical examples:
Focus on another "slice" of life
In the past I have explained to you why life can be considered a 'orange.
Yes, you read that right. Life is an orange and like any self-respecting orange it is made up of different segments: your body, your mind, your spirit, your relationships, your money.
Our sense of frustration is very unlikely to affect all 5 areas of our life. Indeed, it almost always concerns one and only one of these segments: we are the ones who extend the momentarily negative results in a certain area, to our entire existence.
In these cases we have to accept that for that particular “slice” things are not going well: we have to give up and… move on. Focus on a new challenge of personal growth, on another segment.
By doing so, it often happens that once we have forgotten what frustrated us until a few days ago, we will “magically” be presented with a solution that we hadn't thought of.
Focus on what you want to achieve, not what you want to avoid
In a previous article I explained to you that if your life sucks, you are most likely focusing on what you are against and not what you are in favor of.
This is a major source of frustration.
Again: give up, stop wasting energy on what's wrong. Shift your focus to what works and what you really want.
Forget your failures or consider them an essential part of your journey, and start focusing on your goals and dreams. Pursue what you want to achieve. In this regard, one of the most interesting techniques is to hold a diary of gratitude.
Overcome the frustration in the study
One of the areas where frustration grows worse than wild grass is definitely the study.
The absence of a effective study method, memorization techniques poor and a bad one time management are among the main causes of frustration for students.
Am I right or am I right? You try hard, you spend a lot of hours on books but in the end the results are always mediocre. Do you believe that continuing to expend energy to counter your frustration will help you get better grades?
As seen in the other examples, here too, the first step is to give up and become aware that what we have done so far simply does not work. Often this means temporarily putting aside a certain exam or simply reviewing the way we study.
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The "Way of Compliance" is therefore not an invitation to passivity, inaction and acceptance of our inadequacy. Exactly the opposite.
If you continue to fight your "opponent" using the wrong techniques, you will inevitably find yourself down and out of energy. Follow Master Kanō's advice: become aware of the fact that things are not working out, accept it and give up. Let yourself be overwhelmed by the impetuosity of your opponent, but at the same time make your mind steady and immovable readily grasp the moment in which to launch the winning attack.
This is an attitude of healthy aggression. Don't waste energy on inelegant gestures, go with the flow and launch your attack at the right moment.
