Fear of loving: why you feel it and how to eliminate it from your life

Who I am
Joe Dispenza
@joedispenza
SOURCES CONSULTED:

wikipedia.org

Author and references

Even though we all want love, therea fear of loving is something we often feel and it prevents us from being happy. Why do you try it? I'll explain it to you right away and show you how to win it:

  1. Measure your ability to love (take my test!).
  2. 8 good reasons why you are afraid to love.
  3. Where will this fear take you (and it is already taking you!).
  4. How to overcome the fear of love and take flight!

I want to help you understand you better, to find out why you are sometimes afraid to love.



Soon you will also know how to eliminate it forever and how to start living happily right away.

I would say we have no time to waste, so let's get started!

 

The reasons why we are afraid to love

For years I have been dealing with happiness, I study it and observe it, I strive every day to live it.

A few days ago it was the discussion with a friend of mine that made me turn on a light bulb in my head.

The worst obstacle to our happiness is precisely the fear of loving.

Why exactly this?

Because loving is the only way to be happy.

If you want to be, you have to give love, there is no other way.

I've written a guide that tells you how to always be happy no matter what, and I'm sure it will make you think and help change your life.


To do this, however, you have to overcome the fear of loving, because is your worst enemy.

I have identified 8 good reasons why we are afraid to love.


I write that they are good, because of course every fear always has a good reason to be there.

Discovering them, however, will help you understand how to eliminate them all and free yourself from this fear.

Before showing them to you, however, I propose that you do a test that I created for measure your ability to love.

If you do it later, you risk distorting the result!

It is not a psychological test and your answers will do you understand how you live love. It only takes 2 minutes and then you continue reading 😉

It will allow you to understand if in this moment of your life you have the ability to truly love (especially who you say you love).

Start quiz Continue Complete the form below to see the results Leave your name and email to subscribe to my newsletter and receive the test results. Your name: Your email: I consent to the processing of my data in compliance with the privacy regulations. Show results

 



1. We don't know what love is

The first big problem is that we didn't quite understand what we are talking about.

Of course, we all think about love, we want it, we talk about it, we write about it every day.

In recent years, however, I have realized that we didn't understand much about love.

The first real reason why we are afraid to love is that we don't realize what love is.

For example:

  • Love is an emotion that we cannot control, something that marvelously disrupts our life and that comes without warning.
  • Love is also the reason we often suffer, because just as it overwhelms us and makes us happy, at times it can really hurt a lot.
  • Love in our life depends on some special people: our parents, siblings, our friends, children and, above all I would say, our soul mate.

Do you believe these things?

Well, they are all wrong.

They are claims that they don't tell the truth about love.

The greatest misfortune is to believe that they are true.

They are not, I can assure you.

As you can see, we don't know him and that's why he scares us.

Okay, they look real to you.

It's normal, I believed it too, a few years ago, before I realized that love is so much more, something far more beautiful and greater than we think.


Before letting you read some resources that will help you understand it better, here is a clear and direct video.

I wrote a resource that explains what it means to love, and collects everything I have learned over the years.


Read it now, before proceeding.

Not only that, but I've also written another resource to explain to you what love is.

 

2. Love is not a couple relationship

This error is closely related to the previous one.

We think love is a couple relationship.

If I say love what do you think?

Almost everyone always thinks about their partner, present or absent.

If we talk about love songs, they are all related to the couple relationship.

We are used to considering love and relationship as a whole, a single, linked, indissoluble thing.

Is it true?

No, and this is a reason why we are afraid to love.

We often experience love as a bond or a limitation, which involves commitment (we are a couple!) And responsibility.

Loving becomes an obligation, a constraint within a relationship, and our relationships often become routine.

  • To love means to be faithful and to control your instincts.
  • To love means to stop having fun, to respect certain rules, to limit one's freedom.
  • Loving therefore means not being able to make decisions alone, but always having to give someone an account.
  • Loving involves being approved by the other, you can't do what you want if he or she doesn't like it.

It often seems that loving means no longer being free.

It is actually a mistake to think so, and I'll explain why in a little while, but to understand it, I suggest you discover what freedom is and how to be free, or free.

In this way you will realize that no one, not even in a couple, can take away even a little bit of it.

If to love means to be a couple and if this involves the risk of not being happy, it is normal to be afraid of it.

A relationship often seems like a risky bond: will we be happy? Will we be okay? Will we have to give up the things we like?

If you live it like this, if love is synonymous with a couple and this one of limits, renunciations and responsibilities, problems, complications, it is normal to be afraid of loving.

First of all, however, the couple relationship is not an obligation, but a choice, and if you understand how eternal love is possible and does not mean giving up anything, things change.

Of course, loving doesn't mean a relationship has to be forever. Even the end of a story can be a choice of love.

However, you must also realize that love it is much bigger and more immense than a simple couple relationship.

At this point I think it's really important that you read a resource that explains the essence of unconditional love to you.

Read it now, because it allows you to eliminate the fear of love and brings us to the next reason.

 

3. We are afraid of suffering

One of the things we believe about love is that sometimes it makes you suffer.

I can assure you that love never hurts.

You read that right: it never hurts.

But you think yes, you think it's the love you try to make you feel bad when you are not reciprocated, or reciprocated, or when things do not go the right way.

This, however, means respecting the earlier error, that is think that love is synonymous with a couple relationship.

Or worse, think that the couple relationship is the most important form of love.

It is not so.

But if it is not love that hurts, why do we suffer?

I have created a guide in which I explain how to forget a love that hurts and come back to life, obviously aimed at ended couple relationships.

Read it anyway, because in the first part I'll explain why you suffer, and you realize that love has nothing to do with it.

As long as you think that love hurts, and is the cause of your negative emotions, you will obviously be afraid of it.

It is inevitable.

As mentioned, however, it is never love that makes us feel bad.

To understand this well, to understand your negative emotions, you need to read a resource I wrote to tell you about emotional independence.

By reading it you will understand because you experience negative emotions that make you feel bad and how to let them go.

When you discover this, you realize that even this reason for being afraid to love no longer makes sense.

We can move on to the next reason.

 

Are you a selfish person?

Answer the 7 questions in my selfishness test.

It will allow you to understand if (and to what extent) you are a selfish person.
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4. We are afraid of being disappointed by others

It seems that this is the same as the previous reason, because disappointment is also a negative emotion.

But I'll put it aside because the problem with disappointment is your demands.

You are afraid to love because you fear that you will not get what you want.

It's like the fear of those who pay a lot and then don't get what they paid for.

  • We pretend to be loved by others with gestures, words and attitudes that please us.
  • We expect people to be close to us and make us happy.
  • We expect them to make the choices that we believe are correct.
  • We expect them to trust us and listen to us.
  • We expect them to accept us for who we are and respect our points of view.

The claims you, like anyone else, can have are potentially endless.

You are afraid to love because you fear that others will not satisfy them, and this, of course, will make you feel bad.

Spesso we are convinced that these claims are right and that others have to go along with them, but in the end it is always you who are expecting to feel bad.

Among the resources I have reported to you so far, you will find everything you need to eliminate claims.

In fact, you are afraid of loving only because you believe that you will be ill if, by loving, you do not receive what you ask for.

Another wrong rule you believe in.

It is not like that, it is never what they give you, or others deny you to make you feel bad or make you happy.

Did you understand what happiness is?

Well, then it's a good time to read this resource I wrote for you.

Otherwise, if you keep deluding yourself that yours depends on what others are doing, you will always have a thousand claims against them.

Any claim, however, always means the possibility of being disappointed, or disappointed and suffering.

In this way it is normal, inevitable, that you are afraid of loving.

 

5. Fear of suffering others

My friend expressed to me the doubt of damaging her self-respect by loving others even when they behave badly.

If you've read the resources I've suggested so far, you understand that love doesn't take into account how other people behave.

And this doesn't mean indifference, but continuing to love those who behave badly towards you.

Right question, then.

Where does respect for yourself, or yourself, end?

In reality it is never a question of respect.

The problem is always happiness.

The real question is not whether you will lose respect by continuing to love anyway, but if you will suffer doing it.

If you think that the actions of others will make you suffer, if you think that not receiving love in return will make you feel bad, then you are afraid to love.

You are afraid that others will take advantage of you, that you end up suffering their selfishness, their indifference.

You love, you give a lot, and then they don't give anything back, on the contrary, they even treat you badly.

The problem is think this can make you feel bad.

If you believe that the way people behave around you can make you happy or unhappy, then you will always be afraid of loving someone who does not love you back.

It's normal, but it is also an illusion.

Nothing and no one has power over your happiness.

Are you afraid of loving until you realize that others, whatever they do, they cannot make you suffer.

May.

Instead, you are afraid if you think you become vulnerable to those who don't love you.

This would be true if others had the power to make you experience negative emotions, to disappoint you or make you suffer.

But that's not the case, no one but you has this power.

The fear passes when you realize that you are invulnerable, and not, on the other hand, helpless, or helpless, as you sometimes think.

Already, do you believe in love?

 

Does it make sense to continue your relationship as a couple?

Answer my test questions to find out.

It will allow you to understand if your relationship has the characteristics to last or not.

Start quiz Continue Complete the form below to see the results Leave your name and email to subscribe to my newsletter and receive the test results. Your name: Your email: I consent to the processing of my data in compliance with the privacy regulations. Show results

 

6. You don't really believe in love

This, in fact, it's the main reason you're afraid of loving.

You don't really believe in love.

What does it mean?

  • You don't think loving will make you happy, and you think that to be, others have to love you, especially some special people.
  • You don't think that loving is always the right choice, because sometimes you think it's okay to give a damn about others and care about your own interests.
  • You don't think that loving makes you strong and protects you from difficulties, but you think you need things or people that are close to you, otherwise you will be sick.
  • You don't think loving is enough, and you think it is essential to have many things that you struggle and work a lot for, exhausting yourself without feeling happy.

If I told you to jump from the fifth floor of a building you would be afraid to do so, why?

Why do you think you would get hurt, which would certainly not make you happy that gesture, you don't think you can fly.

It is normal to be afraid of doing something that you consider dangerous, harmful, risky.

Are you afraid of eating ice cream? Or to take a warm and relaxing shower or to observe the beauty of the sky?

You are not afraid of these things because they are positive, you think they will make you feel good.

You will always be afraid of loving until you believe that loving will make you happy.

And never confuse two different things: Love and be loved.

You probably don't think that loving will make you happy, but that someone's love will do it.

In short, you don't think that loving is enough, so you are afraid of giving love when you are not sure, or sure, that you will receive in return what you really believe is a source of happiness.

Yes, because all that each of us want is just that, live a happy life.

How do you believe in love?

The resources I have shown you so far are steps in this direction, but now is the time to recommend one that explains you how our life really works.

I want to show you the only thing that will make you happy, to make you understand how to really change your life forever.

This change requires courage and strength, so we come to the next reason why we are afraid to love.

 

7. Loving is difficult and requires strength and courage

To love does not mean, as you understood by watching the video or reading the resources, to put on a shirt that says I love you.

Loving is something that requires strength, because often others, as you well know, they do not return our love or our kindnesses.

It takes courage to give to others when you are certain, or even just in doubt, that you will receive nothing in return.

It takes courage to love those who will treat you with detachment, coldness, or even attack you despite what you do.

The fear of loving is triggered because it is difficult, it requires commitment and the desire not to stop in the face of difficulties.

For example, to love also means:

  • Forgive those who have hurt us and are repentant for their mistakes.
  • Forgiving those who do not repent, do not believe they have made a mistake e maybe it continues to hurt us.
  • Forgive those who hate us, and want to harm us.
  • Understanding who despises us and has no regard for us.
  • Respect those who treat us badly, offend us and try to humiliate us.

To do this, and it's just about some simple examples, it takes courage.

Courage to face the fear that loving is not enough, that sometimes it is the wrong choice.

Of course, some think that it is right to love only those who love us, respect those who respect us, understand those who understand us.

This brings us to the last reason we are afraid to love.

 

8. We experience love as a barter

If you give someone who gives you something back for what you gave them, you are trading.

It's okay if you're in the market or the bank, but when it comes to love it's completely wrong.

We often weigh on a scale what we give and what we receive, demanding that there is equality.

Can you expect people to love you?

What kind of love would that be?

Thinking about our relationships with others in this sense, with the idea that what we give we must then receive, increases fear.

Yeah, afraid to love because you are afraid of not getting the same back.

The problem is not that, in fact, others give you less, and that you count what you gain from your behaviors.

If you love not to love, but to receive love, for example, or whatever, you don't really love.

Fear arises because you are not really loving, but keep your mind focused only on your own self-interest.

If you experience love as an exchange, which must be fair and equal, you will always be afraid to love.

 

I think these are listed for you the reasons we don't really love.

Now you know why you are afraid of loving.

After all, the real big reason is that you don't believe it will make you happy.

I have also offered you many resources to understand, change your vision, understand yourself better.

And you also saw a video, simple, short, but clear and direct.

What happens if you don't overcome this fear?

What happens in your life if you don't find the courage to love?

I'll tell you right away where your fear of loving will take you, and where it is already taking you.

 

Where will this fear take you (and it is already taking you!)

The most obvious thing, if you are afraid to love, is that you don't love.

This happens for two reasons.

  • On the one hand, it's normal not to do something that scares you, so stop loving, giving, opening up, for one of the reasons I just showed you.
  • On the other hand, the reason is even more complex: if you are afraid, not just to love but anything, you cannot give love.

Love and fear are like the sun and the moon: if there is one there is no other.

When you are afraid, you tend to close yourself off, to keep others away, you only think about yourself, or yourself, and your problems.

In short, do quite the opposite of what we mean by love.

Love, in fact, is openness, availability, enthusiasm, trust, joy, all things that are missing when fear takes over.

We close ourselves, for example, to defend ourselves from the danger of others making us suffer.

We turn them away so that they do not disappoint us.

If we start from the idea that others have the ability to make us feel bad, it is inevitable to keep them away when their behavior is not as we would like.

Fear of loving doesn't just stop you from giving love, but also to receive it.

Imagine a castle surrounded by a moat: fear corresponds to the drawbridge being closed.

Nothing or anyone can enter, and if it is true that this defends you from the behavior of others, prevents them from hurting you, it is also true that prevents you from loving or being loved, or loved.

To love the bridge must be lowered, and just as you can get out of your castle to give, anyone, inevitably, will be able to enter.

There are no alternatives: love apparently makes us vulnerable because we are open to and welcome others.

This is frightening to the extent, as mentioned, in which we are convinced that people can, for this very reason, make us suffer.

If you continue to believe it, you will keep that drawbridge always up, or nearly so, because you fear that others may hurt you.

So fear paralyzes you, instead of defending yourself, because it leads you to remain perched, or perched, in yourself, or yourself.

Paradoxically love is the only remedy for the fear of loving.

But when this fear takes over, we begin to act selfishly, closing ourselves off and taking an interest only in ourselves.

On the other hand, when a tooth hurts, your tongue always beats there.

Whenever you feel bad, you become the most important thing in the world and you don't care about anything.

The more you are afraid, the more you suffer, the more you think only of yourself, ignoring others and, therefore, you stop loving.

It becomes a vicious circle, because the more you are afraid of loving, the less you love and the more you suffer, however, thinking that the cause of everything is outside of you.

This is how demands arise, the desire that others be as you would like, because you think that if so, you would be fine.

  • Expect others to love you, and how you like it, because you think that this is the only way you will be happy.
  • You clash with others for have what you ask for, to change them so that they do as you like.
  • You fight with people because they're not what you want them to be, they don't make the choices you think are right, because they don't give you what you think is essential to feel good.
  • You separate yourself from others, thinking they won't make you happy, and you are looking for new friends, partners, people capable of making you feel good, at least as long as they are as you want.

At the center of your thoughts is you, your pain and your fear.

And each of us ends up feeling a void inside.

We end up trying to fill them how can we.

With whom we can.

Others have to help you, and if they can't, or don't want to, worse for them: you will find someone else.

This is how most relationships end: because we want more than what others are capable or willing to give us.

Love does not end, the demands increase and we become convinced that the other person is the problem, who obviously does not love us enough and does not know how to make us happy.

So we look for someone who knows how to give us this happiness, and if we then realize that history repeats itself, we will look for another person once again.

The problem, however, it is never the behavior of others, but our fear of loving.

You do not love if you do not give without pretensions, if you do not give everything, if you do not give to everyone.

When you choose a lucky few for your "love", you are not really loving, you are afraid, for the reasons I have explained to you, and you do not love.

The presumed lucky few are those from whom you expect everything, the only people you believe, at that moment, capable of making you happy.

But of course, as mentioned, no one has this power.

In this way you close, you expect, you expect others to change, because you think they are the problem.

You no longer love the more you close and feel bad, because you are afraid of suffering if you are not reciprocated, or reciprocated, as you wish.

The fear of love does not protect you from others, it does not spare you suffering, it does not avoid disappointments.

The fear of loving closes you and prevents you from living with joy, because only if you love can you be happy.

The fear of loving it should just let you know that you are doing everything wrong, which you fear you love because in reality you are expecting something, or someone, to make you happy.

The problem isn't that loving is dangerous, but that you don't love at all.

Now that you know what creates this fear and what happens when it wins, I want to show you how you can get stronger and get rid of it forever.

 

Discover the 5 Steps to Living INTENSIVELY a life Full of Emotions and Find You Well and in Balance in Every Situation (without Feeling Bad anymore) Training Your "Emotional Independence”, Even If You Don't Believe That Things Enough May they Be Different ...

... If You Don't Trust Yours Capacity or Yours Character It Doesn't Help You!

How to overcome the fear of love and take flight

Already everything I have shown you so far, with the many resources I have suggested, is a fundamental starting point.

But I want to do more.

First of all by explaining that if you don't love yourself, or yourself, you can't really love.

I tried to make you understand that loving is not an exclusive for a few, but a way of being and living.

Not a simple t-shirt that says I love you, but an attitude that sets you apart.

Just as the scent of a flower or the shade of a tree are not reserved for a few, in the same way, true love is not for someone and not for others.

If you are a happy person, you always are, not just with me.

If you are a person capable of loving, equally, you always are, not only with friends, children and relatives.

Consequently, you cannot love others and not yourself, because when you love you remain immersed in your love.

I like the example of the stove, or the wood-burning fireplace.

Could you ever think about heating a room if the stove stays cold?

Obviously not.

If it heats a room, it means that it is hot, which in turn is hot.

Not only.

First of all, it is the stove itself that heats up and only after she is really hot can she give this warmth to the people around her as well.

If you don't live your love, if you are not immersed in it, or immersed in it, then it will not reach anyone.

When you love, you love everything and everyone, and first of all you love yourself too.

This is why I want you to read a guide in which I explain how to love yourself, offering you several practical tips.

You will find out how to give this love first of all to you, and you will understand that so you won't be mine short of energy to give to others.

Often the problem is that we are afraid of loving also because, receiving nothing in return, we will end up feeling bad and feeling exhausted, tired, empty.

You don't need to receive love from others.

Did you read wrong?

No, I repeat it.

You don't need to receive love from others.

Shark alone need to love, because by loving you love yourself and the love you really need is what you, or yourself, bring into the life of others and into yours.

You also need something else, and I'll reveal it to you shortly.

First I want to explain to you that loving doesn't happen, it's a choice, and above all it is something you learn to do.

You will not know how to love because you will meet the right person, but if you have learned to love.

I have created a guide that explains how to learn to love, starting from what I have personally experienced.

I don't believe that you can teach love, but that you learn it by doing it.

If you really love, if you want to succeed and you will commit yourself, it will be just like that, by loving, that you will learn how to do it.

My guide gives you ideas to think about and exercises.

Always remember that love is not a gesture, not simply, but above all an intention, an attitude.

There is no point in giving courtesies without feeling love.

Love must be a desire for happiness for others, the joy of seeing them rejoice, the happiness of knowing that they are happy.

It doesn't matter what you do count with what heart you do it.

I can make you reflect and suggest actions and gestures that could be of love.

Whether they really will be up to you.

But remember that only if you love, with a sincere heart, for real, will you be truly happy.

The authenticity of your love will mark the strength and depth of your happiness.

There are three elements about what I would like you to reflect on, fundamental to overcoming the fear of love, and for which I have a resource ready for you:

  1. You cannot love without cultivating hope in your life. Hope that everything will go well, that you can be happy, that every problem is solvable. Hope never dies if you want it.
  2. If you don't trust others, you won't be able to love them. The fear of loving arises, as we have seen, when we think that others will make us suffer and disappoint our claims. Finding out what trust is will help you understand how to give without risking others hurting you.
  3. Finally, you need to learn how to be optimistic and how to think positively. Only if you are always looking for a solution, without ignoring the problem, but without even being crushed by it, will you have the strength to overcome all fear and be able to love.

Here we are, we have really come to the end of this resource.

But I owe you one last piece of advice.

Before, in fact, I told you that you don't need others to love you.

I confirm.

I have in fact explained to you that you need to love, because we were born to love, and that you need something else.

Now I'll tell you what it is.

The fear of loving grows where you don't think it's worth it, because loving is often difficult and tiring, as seen.

If you are not sure that your love will be a source of happiness, for you first of all, you will not love.

I would like to clarify a crucial point.

That loving makes you happy doesn't mean it can't lead you to painful choices.

Happiness is not the absence of problems, difficulties or pain.

We can be happy while we are physically ill, because we are peaceful within us.

Happiness is not measured by the number of your problems, it is with the strength and peace with which you face them, or live with it if you can't solve them.

So love is not always easy, sometimes it requires sacrifice, but it is always happiness and joy, as long as it's true, unconditional.

When people tell me they feel bad while loving, dig, dig it turns out that what they were doing it hid a claim, they expected something in return.

So it doesn't work, I'll tell you right away.

If you love to receive something, anything, you will not be happy and you will let go, fear will take over.

But also remember that you you don't need to be loved, or loved, to be happy.

Not only do you have your love, if you love, but you also have God's love anyway.

Faith?

Yes, faith.

God's love is always at your disposal, like the dish you love most is on a table in front of you.

You can ignore it, walk past it and look away, but it is always there, present, available.

If you only chose to sit at the table and eat, you would have it for yourself right away, without having to pay anything.

And it is so immense that you would have more of it than you could ever want.

You wouldn't miss anything, and the great thing is that it's all up to you.

Your love, in fact, is a choice that no one can stop you from making.

God's love is always present and feeling it is a choice, also this, that depends only on you.

Everything, as you see, is in your hands.

The love you receive from God is what you really need.

To sit down you have to understand why you believe in God and how to do it.

This is the last resource that I recommend, and in which I explain to you if (and why!) it is worth talking about faith.

This is my secret, what really allowed me to permanently eliminate the fear of love from my life, and made to discover what happiness really is.

The beauty is that you realize that you can be happy, every day, every moment.

Fantastic don't you think?

I do not add anything else.

Leaves why and how the fear of love is born, lives and controls your life, and where it will take you if you don't stop it now.

Now you also have tons of resources to understand how to do it and change, today, Your Life.

You don't need anyone's help or cooperation, you have everything inside of you.

Your happiness, your future, are in your hands.

Drop the fear, you'll need both of them to live the great life you've always wanted.

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