Fear of being single: how to overcome it?

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Louise Hay


Fear of being single: how to overcome it?

Last update: April 14, 2020

For many people, having a partner is important, even indispensable. It is to such an extent that if they remain single, they are desperately looking for someone to date. When they have a partner, they do their utmost not to lose him, even when the relationship hurts. All this because they are afraid of being single.

It seems that currently the fear of being single dominates the lives of most of us and sometimes leads us to behave in an unhealthy way.

On a rational level, we know that not having a partner is not that bad; it can be an opportunity to get to know each other better or even a very rewarding phase in life. So where does this fear of being single come from? What does this common malaise hide?

Where does the fear of being single come from?

In our society, romantic love has acquired enormous importance. For many of us, it represents what gives meaning to life. We see it in movies, songs and novels: everything goes wrong, until you meet a mate and all problems disappear.

The message conveyed is wrong, but very persuasive. After all, it is easier to find a partner than to roll up our sleeves and change the unpleasant aspects of our life.

Dating someone doesn't always make us happy if we're not comfortable with ourselves. That is to say, true happiness does not come from the outside and no one can give it to us. It is born within us, from the relationship we have with ourselves.

People who rush to find a partner despite feeling bad about themselves often end up in a relationship that is not entirely satisfying or, worse, in a toxic relationship.

One of the main problems in this type of interaction is the fear of being single. Those dominated by this fear seek the meaning of life in love. And often he is unable to end the relationship with a person with whom he feels deeply unhappy.

On the other hand, this desire to be with someone is strengthened on a social level. When we see a person over 30 single (and sometimes even younger), we look at them with suspicion. "You Who knows what happened to her", we tell ourselves.

We do not conceive that anyone can be happy even alone. However, recent studies on the subject confirm that in order to be comfortable in a relationship, you must first feel comfortable with yourself.

Overcoming the fear of loneliness

One of the biggest paradoxes of our society is that single people tend to be happier than couples, even more so if it is a toxic relationship. The goal should not, therefore, be trying to be with someone at all costs, but rather to work to build a good relationship or learn to be alone.

Whichever strategy you choose, it can help you manage your fear of being single. Furthermore, the two reinforce each other. The secret of a good relationship is not needing a partner to be happy. This does not mean not wanting to be in her company, but being aware that one can survive without the other.

It might seem like a contradiction, but maintaining some independence in a relationship usually strengthens it. It is when we think we need the other to feel good that we begin to engage in all kinds of behavior that obscures love. Emotional dependence is, in fact, one of the conditions that most hinder a good relationship as a couple.

How to learn to feel good alone?

Naturally saying that you have to learn to be independent is easier than succeeding. Let's see together some strategies that help make the fear of being single a thing of the past. Are you ready?

  • Improve self-esteem. Being comfortable with ourselves helps us not to need others to feel good. Each of us is limited edition. Find out about your qualities and, above all, how to keep growing.
  • Remember the times you were single. Was there a time in your life when you were partnerless and happy?
  • Negative visualization strategy: what's the worst that could happen to you? If the fear of breaking up with your partner is very great, imagine the situation in detail. You will feel desperate at first, but after a few months? You will probably realize that it wasn't such a terrible experience.
  • Maintain some independence in your relationship. Doing something alone, even if you have a partner, helps you feel more confident in your ability to feel good.

The fear of being single is very common, but it can be overcome. Starting with these simple tips: in a short time you will regain self-confidence and your life as a couple will make great progress.

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