Family are also the people we choose

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Louise Hay
@louisehay
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Family are also the people we choose

Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.

Last update: 15 November 2021

It is often said that the important thing in a family is not to live together, but to be united. However, this is not always possible. We are a very complex kaleidoscope with different interests and feelings that we don't usually harmonize as much as we would like.


Sometimes there are also those who think that for the mere fact of sharing a genetic link, there is a moral obligation to be united with those who at some time have hurt us, abandoned us or with whom, simply, “we do not fit together”.


We all have very clear that the family symbolizes that almost infallible pillar that offers us roots, security and that unconditional love that protects, that knows how to be warm and that accompanies every step along the course of our life.

Each of us has our own reality and experiences e for many the word "family" can be, in a certain way, an empty label with which it was not possible to create meaningful links.

For this reason, it is always cathartic to conceive the term family more broadly. If you haven't had support from what used to be your family in the past, you have every right to create a new one in which to include all the people who offer you love, affection and the reciprocity that everyone needs.

Today we talk about this.

The family as a vital commitment

Nobody comes into this world knowing how to start a family. In reality, theoretical knowledge is not required, but will, affection, emotional intelligence and a vital commitment with our loved ones.


Being a family is not a rigid and immanent concept. Families are entities in constant evolution and transformation; for this reason, at times, it also implies a threat to many of its members who do not accept such "changes".


  • For example, mothers who do not accept that their children mature and acquire skills that make them more and more independent.
  • Fathers who do not look favorably on their children to have ideas and voices of their own, and wish to tread a path other than that intended for them.
  • Families who do not accept the arrival of new members, such as the partner of the children, or that their descendants leave home.

Few organisms are so dynamic and changing, e in few scenarios there are so many problems, traumas and disappointments as in families.

They are the first social scenario in which to develop basic dimensions, such as infantile attachment, which allow us to feel safe and recognized to begin exploring the world. Always in the family intimacy and reciprocity develop, whose non-existence would cause serious emotional gaps.

If this is not given to us or if the opposite is offered to us, we have the right to build a family of our own with those we choose.

The family we choose

Family are also the people we choose. In it we can include our mother, but not our father, for example, our brothers and that distant cousin whom we do not see, but whom we appreciate. We can consider friends, our pets, and all beings who bring us positive emotions and a meaningful relationship as family.


- True family is one that respects you just as you are. With your genius, with your voice, with your personal choices and your way of seeing the world.

- Your real family is the one that gives without asking for anything in return, because reciprocity is not a game of powers, but a balance in which there is gratitude, loyalty and know-how.


- Our family does not have to be with us at all times, but we always carry them in our hearts, because we take care of them, because we trust each other, because we are united in proximity and distance. Because we are there in the negative moments and we enjoy our complicity in the positive moments. We choose our family.

Image courtesy of Holly Sierra

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