Expressing feelings is a healthy and necessary exercise. First of all to let off steam, then to allow others to know their inner world.
Last update: January 18, 2022
Feelings are a fundamental part of the inner world of every human being. They help us interpret the world and understand ourselves. However, they are not just an inner experience, they need to be shared with other people. When expressing feelings is difficult, frustration and dissatisfaction appear on the horizon.
Why is it so hard for us to talk about how we feel? The reasons are manifold and may originate in early childhood experiences.
If this is the case, however, it can be remedied. It is never too late to learn how to manage your feelings.
Have we learned to express feelings?
Often the reasons for our reluctance to express our feelings go back to childhood. Our temperament influences the tendency, greater or lesser, to open up emotionally to others, but early life experiences also play a crucial role.
Growing up in a family that considers showing feelings a sign of weakness will lead us to repress them. Children who were rejected or humiliated by their parents when they expressed their emotions have learned not to do it again.
Similarly, those who have received indifference as an adult response to their emotions have internalized the idea that showing how it feels is useless.
To develop proper emotional management it is necessary to have adequate models. Knowledgeable, loving and understanding parents are needed, willing to listen and guide the child in managing his or her feelings.
Why is expressing feelings difficult?
In addition to the above, there may be other reasons why you are unable to express your feelings as an adult. We can't relive our childhood differently, but we can address the causes that persist the problem today.
Low self-esteem
Those who do not have healthy self-esteem may feel they have no right to express themselves. He thinks that what he feels is not important and therefore he keeps it to himself.
It is also possible that the fear of abandonment prevents you from bringing out true emotions. Many times the feelings are not expressed for fear that the other person will get angry and leave.
On the other hand, there are people who do not express their feelings as a mechanism to preserve a fragile self-esteem.
When you live with a shell that hides a great fear of rejection, expressing emotions is too risky an exercise. Many people prefer to build a wall around their feelings which, while protecting them, isolates them.
Lack of assertiveness
Expressing our feelings should be a rewarding and fulfilling experience through which we allow others to understand us and act accordingly.
However, when we don't know how to express ourselves, it is common to choose to remain silent to avoid conflict. Perhaps in the past, sharing our feelings has created a dispute or misunderstanding.
Surely the other person's reaction was not what we expected and following this we decided to use strategies and excuses instead of expressing the truth.
Emotional intelligence
Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand and express feelings. Many people are unable to express what they are feelingsimply because they don't recognize it.
They certainly do not have a large and adequate lexicon on emotions and it is really difficult for them to identify the feeling they are experiencing. Without this foundation it is virtually impossible to understand, manage and share one's inner world with others.
Expressing feelings is difficult for fear of rejection
Some people fail to express what they feel because they try at all costs to hide or deny the existence of emotions such as sadness or anger. For these people, these emotional experiences are negative and should be suppressed rather than expressed, as this may reflect weakness or lack of self-control.
Such irrational beliefs make it difficult to allow yourself to open up to others, express your frustration, or ask for help when you need it.
How to start expressing feelings?
Sharing inner experiences is healthy and necessary. First of all to free ourselves and then let others know how we feel and what we need from them. If expressing emotions is difficult and you want to remedy it, you need to act accordingly.
First it is necessary to work on self-esteem, once we love and accept ourselves we will not be afraid of anger or rejection. So let's try to expand the emotional lexicon, acquire new words to express feelings; abandoning "I feel good" or "I feel bad" makes it much easier to communicate feelings.
Finally, adopt an assertive attitude when addressing others. Express opinions, wants and needs freely and without fear, but without hurting or harming. This way we will avoid misunderstandings.
