Last update: December 17, 2015
One of the fundamental pillars of an adequate emotional education is that the child always considers himself loved and, above all, considers himself worthy of love.
It is very important, because our first experiences with the world shape our emotional development and they weave a huge web that connects our ability to feel and love with our body.
Whether we are loved or not must never depend on our behaviors, words, successes or failures. If we want today's children to understand that love has no conditions, it is important to get rid of certain habits.
Love has no conditions, love gives itself
A person's ability and emotional growth largely depend on his or her early relational exchanges. For this reason, planting the seeds of love determines the ability to give affection and to develop in a healthy way.
If we convey to a child the idea that if he does things right, we will love him more, eventually he will understand that his worth depends on his successes.
When the child makes a mistake, we should not be surprised that he is overwhelmed by sadness: by labeling him as intelligent and extraordinary after his success, he will deduce that if he does not get what he intended, it is because he is "a fool and a mediocre".
They sound like harsh words, but in a child's mind they are perceived even more heavily. How can we build a house with straw? Any shock will destroy it. Under such conditions, it is impossible to build a strong and emotionally adapted personal identity.
We can't tell children that we won't love them anymore if they play a prank. We cannot blackmail them with love: affection is not a bargaining chip. Remember that the child, before being an infant, is a person who will one day become an adult and feel complete or demolished. What do you prefer?
We are all deserving of love as people, not based on what we do or our successes. Just as obedient behavior or compliance with a rule must not result in affection, failure to perform a duty must not imply a threat.
It is important to protect childhood, to heal its innocence and to respect it through love. Remember that beloved children will be adults who will know how to love, respect and give affection.
The consequences of growing up in an environment where love has conditions
Many of you probably grew up in an environment where love had conditions. Others will have paid the consequences of the fact that people they knew were educated under these premises.
Regardless of what your case is, this creates difficulties at every stage of life. If the emotional wounds of conditional love are not healed, they will have a major impact on adult life.
Because? Why an adult should have a balanced emotional life. Even though everyone knows it's not like that, we cannot avoid expecting to be loved unconditionally, without having to teach someone that love is not that.
We expect to be able to trust those who say they love us, we hope that this person will remain by our side no matter what happens. Unfortunately, it's not that simple: they may have taught her to flee or condition her affection.
This is why we often find ourselves faced with models of capricious love, which can turn into selfish love. People who grew up under these premises believe that love is this: getting what they think is good and getting rid of what they are not interested in.
By now you have surely understood the effects of emotional education on future interpersonal relationships. Remember to feed yourself with love: only thanks to it, will you be able to know yourself, to be happy and to enjoy the magic of life.