Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: December 14, 2021
A little girl has two apples in her hands. Her mother approaches and asks her daughter if she can give her one of the two apples.
In a hurry, the girl bites first one apple and then the other. Her mother feels how her smile freezes and tries not to show her disappointment. Soon after, the little girl gives her one of her two apples saying: "Here, Mom, this is the sweeter of the two."
This short story shows the consequences of drawing hasty conclusions without having the basis for doing so. We can even go so far as to judge a little girl who, in her innocence and good will, manages her emotions in the most tender way possible. Any supposition, therefore, takes us away from reality
Often, what we perceive is not reality. Our experience or knowledge matters very little, we must not judge and we must always give others the opportunity to make use of their right to give an explanation.
Hasty conclusions are our condemnation
Judging situations or people's behavior too quickly carries the great risk of disappointment. As with anything in life, in fact, those who have too many expectations, receive disappointments. Despite this, we live on experiences and we cannot escape our expectations.
This means that drawing hasty conclusions can not only cause scattered episodes of misunderstanding, but can also lead to real relationship catastrophes. This is what we usually define as "making an elephant out of a fly".
Getting to this point depends on our implications in the matter, but, above all, on our state of mind. Sometimes our feelings prevent us from seeing the lack of evidence that blinds our judgment.
Since we know this happens, every now and then it is good to take the time to recover the right perspective. In addition, we need to refer to different sources of information, which will help us to better assess what is happening.
The value of an apology
Sometimes we are too proud when we are wrong and unfair to others. It is often difficult for us to recognize that our attitude is wrong and that it is the cause of our predisposition and our erroneous perceptions.
This not only leads us to lose some relationships, but can also push our prediction to self-confirm us. This means that, for example, if the mother in our story got angry and scolded her daughter, one of the child's predictable reactions could be to give neither apple to the mother.
Obviously, this could, in turn, have innumerable explanations: the child could get angry, she could freeze, or she could become very sad following her mother's hasty judgment. However, the reality that we can perceive is quite different.
When we think badly of others and show it, we can cut off any response or explanation from the person being criticized in the bud. The most serious direct consequence is not that this can confirm our ideas or hypotheses, but make it more difficult for us to realize our mistake and to apologize.
Yet no, sometimes we are too proud and presumptuous to apologize and fall into the trap of resentment. How many times have we thought we should apologize to someone and we didn't? How many times have we expected an explanation or an apology from someone who hurt us with his prejudices?
The most disparate situations certainly come to mind. In fact, it is likely that we have already lost too much due to our own assumptions or those of others. Like this, the triumph of our pride is but a great loss for us.
The reality is that, if we want, we can create a real parallel world on the edge of reality, but it's not worth it. It is clear that trying to avoid these situations is something we can only partially do. Despite this, trying is based on the premise of being righteous and always trying to do good, which is always the best choice and enriches us as people.