Don't judge yourself with the eyes of others

Some critical they can be devastating. In fact, it is likely that if you dig into your past you will remember a phrase that has marked you throughout your life. It is also likely that that sentence contained destructive criticism. And it is equally likely that the phrase activates from time to time, especially in the most difficult moments, when you feel that you have failed and you no longer have the strength to go further or you are full of doubts. Unknowingly, that sentence has marked your life, defined you as a person and remains an obstacle.However, if you want to be truly free and reach your full potential, it is essential that you learn to judge yourself according to your own rules, forgetting the unhealthy criticisms and the others. You have to look inside yourself and stop criticizing yourself using the yardstick that others use. Of course, that's not an easy task, especially since we've been subjected to harsh criticism from childhood, both from our parents and from teachers and peers, and we soon learned that certain standards had to be met in order to be accepted by some people. This not only meant that we had to follow their rules, but also that little by little we were assuming their worldview. In this way, we stopped judging ourselves for what we are in order to do so according to the criteria of others. We stopped enjoying the things we liked to do the things others liked. At that moment we replaced pleasure with duty because we fell into a negative spiral that took away, little by little, some of our most precious assets: self-esteem and self-confidence.

Why shouldn't we judge ourselves according to the rules of others?

1. Because we will never be able to satisfy everyone. Each person is different, trying to please everyone is impossible. Some will always disagree with your decisions because everyone judges you based on their values ​​and their own yardstick. In fact, Woody Allen once said, "I don't know what the key to success is, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone."
2. Because we will run out of energy to do what really matters. In trying to please everyone you lose precious energy. As you try to understand the expectations that others have placed on you and strive to please them, you consume much of your energy, energy that can be used in projects that give you true personal satisfaction and make you grow.
3. Why are you wasting your time. Trying to please others and judging yourself according to their criteria is not only exhausting, it is also a huge waste of time. As you follow the rules and dreams of others, time passes inexorably, so you run the risk of reaching the end of your life realizing that you have lived a life that has not satisfied you, you will regret having always lived for others.
4. Because we will lose ourselves. One of the main problems of judging yourself with the eyes of others is that in doing so you lose your coordinates. As you make their value system your own and adopt their worldview, you drift away from your essence, until there comes a time when you completely disconnect. Therefore, it is not surprising that when some people are asked what they really want, they don't know how to answer. They have made the wishes of others their own, getting lost in the labyrinth of social conventions.
5. Because we will never be happy. Happiness is not something external to us, it comes from within. So following the rules of others is the most direct route to unhappiness. Every time you give up a dream you neglect your needs and lose the zest for life, and happiness recedes more and more.

How to learn to judge yourself using your own personal yardstick?

Our value system, goals and even our expectations are influenced by society. We cannot do without it. In reality, it is not something bad because, after all, we live in society. But we can learn to reconnect with our essence. Listening to what our body and heart tell us, in a metaphorical sense. At first you will hardly hear them because they utter a whisper, as you have not paid attention to them for years, but they will gradually regain confidence and their voices will get louder. Then you can find out what you really want, understand what makes you happy. , excites you and makes you feel alive. At that point you will be ready to judge yourself according to your own criteria, and you will find that they are very different from what they have taught you. Remember that life is not measured by how many times you breathe, but by the moments that leave you breathless.
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