As soon as we have something we are assailed by the fear of losing it. It is normal, we are frightened by the idea of â€‹â€‹losing what we have fought for, what we know and feel relatively comfortable with. When we have found a balance we want to keep it, and it makes us anxious to think that something could change.
But the fear of loss can also appear in situations that we could classify as negative because they do not bring anything or even harm us. This is due to three factors: our tendency to grasp the equilibrium we have reached, our resistance to change and the fear of uncertainty that the new implies.
These are the main reasons why we often cling to interpersonal relationships that harm us, beyond the history we may have in common and the emotional bonds that still persist.
When the only reason that keeps the link is the past
Life is a path along which we meet many people. With some we will establish closer relationships based on deep emotional bonds. However, experiences and the passage of time can weaken these bonds, to the point that the relationship loses its meaning.
In these cases, we shouldn't be afraid of losing people with whom we have practically no points in common, people who have stopped listening to us even though they hear us and have stopped completing us emotionally. In fact, in those cases what we cling to is only the memory, not the person itself, because there are no points of contact, there is no prospect for the future, nor a satisfying emotional bond.
Sometimes we are reluctant to break the bond simply because we don't want to accept that we have changed, or that the other person has changed, to the point that there is no longer anything that unites us. But within us we perceive the poor quality of that bond, the emotional emptiness that remains because there is no longer any attention and affection.
Of course, these situations are not easy to assume, because there is usually a common story. But the truth is that the past is not a valid reason to remain connected to people who have stopped valuing us and do not consider themselves lucky to have us around.
Over time you must learn to love more, but less people
Over the years we become more selective, we are more aware of the importance of our time and we decide who we want to share it with. On the other hand, life experiences test even the closest relationships, so we begin to value more those who stay by our side and truly and willingly satisfy our emotional needs.
Of course, before breaking ties we usually go through a process in which guilt often arises for the people we have left behind. In reality, we shouldn't blame anyone, relationships are created when there are common interests and break up when they stop satisfying emotional needs. The most constructive choice is to let go of those who no longer feel connected to us and to treasure the happy moments spent together.
Life is a constant movement, relationships also flow and change. But if you look too long behind you focusing on the doors that have closed, you will not be able to see the doors that open in front of you.