When we fall in love, we are sometimes overwhelmed by doubts ... "Will he feel the same?" , "Does he really love me or am I just a temporary whim?". As we will see in today's article, not all people fall in love equally.
Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: 15 November 2022
"I fell in love!". During our life we say this sentence on more than one occasion. That feeling and that affirmation we say to ourselves amidst mixed feelings of anxiety, surprise and contained happiness are often accompanied by a doubt. Does the other person feel the same? If so, will he love me with the same intensity as me? A further question then arises spontaneously: do we all fall in love in the same way?
How nice it would be if in love it was all balanced, paid 200%. Yet, it is precisely in this area that all the differences that trigger anxiety emerge in us. There are those who love and need the other in excess; there are those who need it less; some love "halfway" because they are looking for a disposable love.
And then there are also those who love in a mature and responsible way, aware that loving does not mean being the same in everything, but who nevertheless strives to get in tune. To make the relationship a journey of growth and discovery.
Plato said that where love reigns you don't need laws, but in reality, in the matter of emotional relationships, many explicit rules and decrees are needed to guarantee their success. When asked if we all fall in love equally, the answer is no. Everyone does it in his own way, which, however, does not mean that they are incompatible.
Do we all fall in love the same way? What does the psychology of falling in love say
Psychology has been studying this topic for decades. Understanding the mechanisms by which people come to experience the greatest happiness, as well as the most devastating of sadness and disappointment, is arousing the interest of many areas of knowledge. Neuroscience, philosophy and sociology have been trying to investigate the subject for a long time.
Certainly one of the most curious and interesting contributions in this regard is the one left by John Alana Lee with his famous book The Colors of Love. According to this expert in love and sexuality at the University of Toronto, it is possible to associate falling in love with an array of colors.
For Dr. Lee, genuine love contains the primary colors (blue, red and yellow), which define the three basic ingredients of real love: passion, commitment and respect.
On the other hand, there are falls in love defined by "secondary colors", as in the case of those who only want to have sexual intercourse, those who want to control their partner or those who see love as a game. Let's delve into a few more theories about how we fall in love and what factors make a difference.
Theories that explain why we don't all fall in love the same way
Love at first sight / love in the long run
“I fell in love as soon as I saw it”, “I fell in love little by little, almost without realizing it”. Times also define the language of love. There are those who let themselves go in a second at the sight of someone, captured by a gesture or a way of expressing themselves that contains self-esteem and mystery in equal parts.
Others, on the other hand, need the hands of the clock to run more slowly. They are those who after months or years of friendship rediscover themselves in a deeper and more toned feeling. Time is a determining factor in understanding that we don't all fall in love the same way.
People who want to fill a void / people who don't seek, but find
There are those who in matters of love go in search of something concrete, like an explorer. It is the profile of a person with a lack of self-esteem and self-image. We are talking about those who crave to find someone who reinforces and nourishes all the emptiness of him, of those who are looking for a soul mate who becomes half of him, victims, ultimately, of the snipers of emotions.
In the opposite pole we find those who do not need anything, who walk their way feeling complete, self-confident, willing to enjoy everyday life. For these people, love is not sought, it is found, and when it arrives, it is lived with joy and in a mature way.
I fell in love with his body / his words went straight to my heart
There are falls in love that start directly from the eyes, only to discover that an exceptional person is hiding behind that face. In other cases, falling in love comes after days of conversing together, face to face or behind a phone screen, building a complicity that eventually leads to intense love.
As we see, there are infinite forms and mechanisms that trigger falling in love. And if when we realize that we are in love, emotions and fears assail us in equal parts, remember that the most important part comes later.
It does not matter if we have been affected by the appearance or by the passions of the object of our desire. Each of us crosses the threshold of love in his own way. The decisive phase comes later, when we already live in the other person's heart. That will be the moment when everything will acquire meaning and when we will really put ourselves to the test, showing courage, commitment and responsibility.