Dissatisfaction: Do you experience it often?
I would say that it happens to everyone to feel dissatisfied: things do not always go as you would like, others sometimes behave badly, luck does not always smile at you.
Otherwise, why today are you looking for an answer to your dissatisfaction despite having satisfied, up to now, so many things you wanted? Here is what we will see together:
- How to get off the hamster wheel (and get rid of any dissatisfaction).
- How to get out of the trap of need (where hamsters die!).
- 3 anti-dissatisfaction laws (the law of cod, caterpillar and new bike).
- Dissatisfied? Here's how to live a happy life every day (gift for yourself!).
Shall we start immediately?
To free you from the dissatisfaction of your life, or of some aspect only, it is not enough to satisfy your desires.
I know, it seems obvious.
If you are dissatisfied, or dissatisfied, it should make sense that satisfying the things you desire is the solution.
Satisfaction works something like this: you want something and try to get it, if you don't succeed you feel dissatisfaction.
Simple, as you can see.
The things we ask for, what we want to achieve are infinite:
- Respect from others (it seems trivial but I think it is one of the most important!).
- Feeling useful and important to someone.
- Being good and respected by others.
- Having a positive and fulfilling relationship as a couple (some would say satisfying!).
- Have a good job, well paid and that we like it.
- Having a close family.
- Having sincere friends who truly love us.
- Living in a beautiful city, in a beautiful house, on a safe street ...
- Have good health.
And yes, write us everything that goes through your head: if you want it and don't get it, you will never be satisfied, or satisfied.
But there is more, or worse if you want.
It is not enough, in fact, to have a good job, for example, but it must be in a certain way: comfortable hours, not too far from home, a certain salary, your favorite colleagues, a welcoming and peaceful environment.
And these are just some of the things you might want.
When you want to get something, you will not only find that you have a long and rich list of requests to fulfill, but each will be very precise and complicated.
Of course, there is a very good reason why you ask for these things and you want to get them: you believe they will make you happy.
And when I say happy, I mean that you are fine, you feel positive emotions (serenity, love, joy, happiness, enthusiasm) and you feel at peace with everything, you are serene, or serene.
Nothing extraordinary, after all we all want this and we don't ask for the moon 😉
And before continuing, if you want, you can answer the questions in my test and find out how happy you are today.
It will allow you to understand if today you are capable of living a deeply happy life.
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That said, let's get back to us.
The problem is, you will feel dissatisfaction whenever you fail to get something you ask for.
Better still: a get it as you would like, with all the features that interest you.
But there is another problem in the list of things you want to have: we delude ourselves, in fact, that we will finally be fine when we have reached a milestone.
And here the donkey falls: shortly after, however, we will begin to run after a new goal to fulfill, behind new successes to be obtained.
Whatever you can achieve, shortly after you will feel that you are missing something different.
Just like a hamster running in its wheel: no matter how hard it tries, it goes nowhere.
So we insist on getting the things we need without realizing that they will never be enough to give us peace.
Something will always be missing.
If you want to get off the wheel you have to escape from the first trap of need.
The trap of need, as you saw in the video, is very simple:
- You realize you need something, or someone, to be happy.
- Looking for satisfy in any case this need and you struggle to achieve the things you need.
- You have negative emotions. You may not make it, what you get may be short-lived or you may lose it.
- So fear takes over and you fight more (run faster inside the wheel) to make sure your needs are met.
- The more you fight, the more fear increases and the more you hurt.
Why does fear increase?
Because when you realize you need something to be happy, to feel good, you will do everything to get it.
And if you are afraid of not making it, or of losing it, you will concentrate all your energies all the more.
So there are people who live for their partner sacrificing the rest, those who spend 14 hours at work, those who only think about money or are obsessed with their body or health.
On the other hand, it is also logical: if something will make me happy, don't I invest all my energy to have it?
Yup, I invest them all.
Have you ever played roulette? Yes, that game where you bet your money on a number, or on a color.
Well, when we invest all our energy to reach goals that we consider indispensable (which we need to be happy), it's like playing everything you have on a number.
What if it doesn't come out? You lose everything.
The paradox of the need trap is this: being afraid of losing something, you focus on it even more, increasing the fear of losing.
The higher the stakes, the greater the fear of losing.
And the more you consider something fundamental, be it a situation, a result or a person (things in themselves positive and beautiful perhaps), the more there will be no room for anything else in your mind.
It is as if what seems indispensable to you to be happy "grows" to occupy your every thought, every minute of your life.
The rest does not exist.
A girl, during a coaching session, gave me the example of investments in the stock market: it is not prudent to bet all your money on the shares of a single company.
What if it goes wrong? You lose everything.
In financial mathematics we talk about differentiation: betting on many different actions reduces the risk of losing everything if someone goes wrong.
But when you fall into the trap of need you do just the worst: you just bet on one thing that should make you happy but that, in the end, it will not deliver what it promises (to understand it better, you must discover the secrets of personal growth).
The search for satisfaction of your desires, your needs, your demands, always leads to this trap: the more you try to get out, the more you get stuck inside.
If you fell into quicksand, for example, it would be good to know that the more you fidget to get out, the deeper you slide.
To get out of the trap of need and get off the wheel, you don't have to make an effort, get more satisfaction or anything else.
You "just" have to open your eyes and realize that you don't need "more", that you really don't need anything to be happy.
If you do not understand this, you will continue to run in vain in the wheel, more and more victim of useless demands and tiring and tiring goals that will never give you the serenity you are looking for.
And you will wake up the next morning realizing that the dissatisfaction is still there.
Since happiness has nothing to do with satisfaction, you will not get rid of dissatisfaction by chasing goals and "successes".
This is perhaps the hardest thing to understand to believe.
It is as if I told you that opening a jar does not have to remove the lid. Yet it works just like that!
You have to understand 3 very important laws if you want to get off the wheel and escape this trap.
In a municipal house, near the swings, two girls are talking to each other about what they ate the previous evening.
"I ate some cod" says Adele happily, with blond curls. "Me too!" Francesca replies, who instead has long, straight black hair tied in a small braid.
“I helped my mom prepare it,” continues Adele. Francesca looks at her puzzled and replies: “My mom doesn't need help, it takes a minute to do it!”.
Then Adele tells her that with her mother she went to the fish shop to choose the cod with the brightest eyes, because from that you can tell if it's good. Francesca thinks that hers, of cod, she doesn't even have eyes!
But she remains silent as Adele explains that they then opened it and removed the bones. Francesca reflects that her cod is all a hard block, it doesn't open!
Then Adele explains that they cut it into slices, sprinkled with oil and herbs and put it to bake in the oven. To which Francesca asks her: “How long did it take you to make this cod?”.
"A couple of hours!" the friend answers. "How boring!" Francesca replies, “my cod is better, it lives directly in the fridge and is immediately ready, I put it in the oven and it's done!”.
Of course, Francesca is only 5 years old, but she has learned one thing: you can find the cod in the fridge and it takes 5 minutes to prepare it. Or a little more.
And what have we learned? That to eat cod you only need to fish it, wash it, clean it from the bones and cook it.
Why does cod live in the fridge?
Obviously not 😉
Because someone has already done it for us.
And as we are used to having things ready, comfortable, to be used immediately without wasting time, we want everything to be like cod.
But if you want to change your life you have to realize that you have to do everything with your hands, and this takes time, work, commitment, effort and patience.
Becoming happy is like that.
The problem is that we would like to solve our problems in 20 seconds, in a day or two, immediately. And someone is also selling you this illusion.
Yes, I have no doubts, it is an illusion that enriches someone.
So I have two news for you, a good one and a bad one:
- The bad thing is that there are no magic pills, solutions that in 3 seconds and without effort, solve your problems.
- The good thing is that you actually you can solve them all your problems, really, as long as you put effort and determination into it.
THE LAW OF COD: if you want to get out of the trap of need you have to work hard and have patience.
Ready-made solutions can give you satisfaction, but happiness cannot be found in the freezer 😉
It would be enough to think about what happens every day, away from our eyes.
A man saw a butterfly struggling to get out of its lump. In the eyes of the beholder, birth seemed painful and slow.
The man then began to blow his warm breath on the pet to help it be born.
In doing so, he accelerated the process and the butterfly was born faster. But its small wings remained atrophied.
Think how grand the mystery behind every butterfly is: a caterpillar, which almost crawls on the ground, becomes an animal capable of flying in the sky.
It is something incredible, but it requires time, work, even effort.
So it is true that there are no "magic pills" or shortcuts, but it is also true that you you have inside of you, like any caterpillar, everything you need to become a butterfly.
THE LAW OF THE CATERPILLAR: you don't miss anything, you don't need anything, but you have to transform yourself to be happy.
To get off the wheel you have to realize that nothing or no one will ever make you happy. You can have satisfactions, many more dissatisfactions and living in a wheel.
I don't think that's what you want.
And fortunately, there is no need to wait for the intervention of the universe!
A little boy wanted a new bicycle more than anything. His was rusty, the brakes weren't working well and was now too small for his height.
One day, in a newspaper, he read a theory according to which, if only he had thought hard about what he wanted, as if it were already his, the universe would have given it to him.
Enthusiastic about the news, he began, every evening, to yearn for a bicycle, imagining that he had it, of whizzing through the alleys of the neighborhood, of being the most envied kid.
For weeks, every evening, his thoughts were fixed on the bicycle.
One day he spoke of his experiment to his uncle, who was perplexed that the fixed thought was really enough to create what he wanted, but he did not try to discourage him so as not to disappoint him.
One morning the little boy whizzed on his new red bicycle in front of his uncle. The latter stopped him, incredulous, asking him if the universe really gave him a bicycle.
“To tell the truth,” replied the boy, “one night I was so focused on the bicycle that I remembered the one my cousin had bought a few years ago. So I also remembered his beautiful lawn ".
The uncle listened curiously. “I went to him and told him that I would take care of him if he gave me the money to pay for my bicycle, and so I worked a few months to buy it!”.
The uncle smiled satisfied and the boy continued to ride on his new bicycle.
Have you ever heard of those who tell you that if you ask for something the universe will give it to you?
They basically asked for a lot of money and the universe (who bought their theories!) Actually gave it to them.
How to blame them 😉
The truth, however, is that this idea that the universe should give you everything you want just because you want it so badly is wrong.
Not only, it's dangerous.
We started by understanding that you may have it all and not be happy. Thinking that having everything you ask for is the most common deception.
It might not be enough. Indeed, it will certainly not be enough.
Being dissatisfied doesn't mean that you are really missing something, but that you are in a trap that nothing you can ever achieve will be enough for you to live happily.
I repeat: nothing.
You make fun of those who promise you to get everything you want (you will never really get it and even if it were, it won't be enough!).
And who makes fun of you who promises to solve your problems, or that you will succeed in a short time and without effort, without difficulty.
They make fun of you and they also do it at a high price 😉
THE LAW OF THE NEW BIKE: it all depends on you, on how you use your mind.
This is perhaps the main law: satisfaction (and dissatisfaction) works with the opposite approach.
It feeds on the idea that you need things and people that, by nature, are external to you, it leads you to focus on what you, at least in part, cannot control.
These three laws tell you a very simple thing: to live happily you have to work hard, but it's all in your hands and nothing that happens will deny you happiness.
It is true that cod in the fridge is more comfortable, but have this power, it's a whole other story 😉
I remember that several years ago I too started wanting to change my life.
And yes, I was not satisfied 😀
Not that I had any problems or drama to deal with, and your problems are probably bigger than what I had.
Like many I started from a book, read, reflected, but for several months the results were practically 0, but many good intentions 😉
The problem was there concentration: maybe in the evening I read something and I was determined to change, but the next day, between commitments, work, people, frenzy, I ended up to neglect my intentions and never changed anything.
You have to focus on your change: be it a new habit, a way of thinking, new behaviors, you have to make it your daily priority.
Your mind has to stay focused on what you have to do and what it has to become one of the most important things of your day, if you really want to get results.
I started repeating myself what I wanted to do, put alarms on my phone or write post-its as a reminder, always have a sheet with the points to follow in my pocket.
Choose what you want, but simplify your life and focus. Consider your change something more important, trust because it is, even your work.
Imagine you have been following the same road for years, it is a habit and you follow it even without thinking about it, you know it well. But one morning you find yourself in front of a huge hole and you cannot pass.
Will i finish dentro?
No, you see the hole, you realize that it is an obstacle real and change your way.
Here, changing your life is the same thing: it takes half a second to change when you realize that change it's the right thing and you really believe it.
And then get off the wheel.
It takes time to understand this, to truly believe in the things you want to change. As long as you don't believe it, wait, take a step forward today and step back two tomorrow.
Basically you look out, but stay in the wheel.
For this it takes patience: do not lose heart when you see that the results are not coming and instead of going head down, see if you really believe that change is the right thing or if there is a fear that it will bring problems, difficulties, disadvantages.
Because if you want to win a game, you have to play to win. You can't get any results if you start with the idea that you won't get it.
You have to have faith in yourself.
It will be difficult, it will be tremendously complicated and maybe it will take all your energy and commitment and will tire you badly.
But if you have faith and don't give up, you will eventually change your life.
Do not have any doubts about this: you can totally change everything, you can become happy and solve all your problems.
You can do it, however, on one condition: that you do not give up and continue to insist when you fail, without ever giving up fighting.
You don't have to look at how many times you fall during the journey, but to know that if you don't stop, you will know how to get up every time, you will always have the strength and skills, as long as you don't let go and stop trusting yourself, or yourself.
If you don't make this mistake, trust me there you will always do it. And it will only be a matter of time.
And so let's go back to the most important lesson I learned, the one we started from.
How many people are there who have everything you would like to have and are not equally happy?
On television you hear of actors, models, politicians, singers, famous super stars, full of money, powerful, known and acclaimed, loved, desired, unhappy, taking drugs, taking their own lives because they suffer every day, behind the fake mask of success.
Why aren't you happy yet?
Don't have a job? There are millions of workers who hate their own.
Don't have a partner? There are millions of relationships that break between pain and suffering.
Don't you have health? There are millions of fit, but terribly unhappy people.
Whatever your reason, I'm sure there are millions (I didn't say hundreds!) Of people who they have what you want, but they are not happy all the same.
If you think “when I have this I will be happy!”, Congratulations, you are still in the trap!
If you don't learn to be happy now, you won't be happy later when you get what you want.
Then it will not be as beautiful as you imagine, the satisfaction will not last long to make room for the habit and soon you will want more, and then more, in a useless endless race.
It is not what the problem happens, but how you experience it.
Fight for what you believe in, but don't confuse your goals with happiness: it takes little to become happy and change your life, and you already have everything you need!
My personal journey made me realize that you can solve any problem. And you can do it by following a single, unique, clear path.
Think back to the butterfly: the caterpillar must totally transform to be able to fly. It wouldn't make sense to keep its legs and body and add wings to it: could never fly!
You have the opportunity to change your life if you start taking concrete steps that lead you to be reborn, exactly like the caterpillar that wants to become a butterfly.
The change must be 360 °, if you don't change everything, in the end you never change anything because the problems will always return, children of your way of life, not of bad luck.
But also the caterpillar, to transform itself, must begin somewhere as well, and the first step to permanently eliminate dissatisfaction from your life is called emotional independence.
Learning to transform your emotions, realizing that it is not what you get (as I have explained to you many times) that will make you happy. Far from it.
Now that you know that satisfaction is not the right path at all, you have to go in a new direction and, like the caterpillar, born again through emotional independence.
Even a seed follows the same destiny: to be born a flower, the seed dies and what comes out starts from the seed but is something totally new.
Being reborn, first of all, means freeing yourself from the trap of need (stop believing that something or someone will make you happy) and get off the wheel.
Even if it means doing, thinking and saying things that "normally" are not done, they think and say.
What scares the most is that 99% of the certainties we think we have are false and they keep hamster wheels inside us, in traps as destructive and insidious as quicksand.
We are at the moment when the caterpillar closes itself in the lump: now it's up to you to decide whether to be reborn as a butterfly, or to continue crawling on the ground like a caterpillar, however denying your true nature.
The caterpillar must die, it is true, but without this "end" the butterfly cannot begin to live.