Dislike: Why don't some people like us?

Who I am
Louise Hay


Author and references

You are sitting at a table in a bar, you observe a person you do not know and
decide what works for you unfriendly. The
same happens with the presenter of the television program you see for the
first time or with the saleswoman from the new corner store. Why it all happens
this? Why do we find some people unpleasant and others not?

To answer this question we need to analyze the two mechanisms:
induction and deduction. Induction allows us to come to a conclusion
general starting from particular cases (for example: if I put my hand in the fire
more than once and I burn myself, I am led to accept that the fire burns).
Conversely, deduction implies reaching a conclusion
specific starting from a general premise (for example: fire burns,
everyone says it and therefore, if I put my hand in the fire, I will burn myself). Obviously,
induction and deduction are two processes that go hand in hand. Good; then, when we become aware of a new person we need some
references from which we can start a relationship. The ideal
it would be to relate without resorting to prejudices and preconceived ideas, but
we normally have a certain fear of strangers and uncertainty;
then, faced with the new, we look for previous situations in our mind
that we need as a reference to act more confidently in the situation
where we are. These references are different, and normally the process takes place at
unconscious level. So, when we know a new person, we value them in
a few minutes or seconds (the way she dresses, the color of her skin, the
form of speaking, walking, gesticulating and facial features… all those little ones
details that we have immediately available). All this information
is already included in our "database" (in psychology it is said that it is part of
our mental schemes), and therefore, we only have to apply the processes of
induction or deduction thus drawing the conclusion that the person is there
nice or unpleasant. Where do we draw this conclusion? From our experiences
spend with people who have had similar behaviors or traits and with ours
prejudices about how people who have them are and behave
characteristics similar to those we are considering. But these initial conclusions need not be unassailable. Indeed,
whenever we perceive new information (gestures, words or other details),
we include them in this image we are making of each other and, based
to the mental flexibility that each of us has, these new ones
information can get to change the perception of dislike or not
of sympathy. Normally, the more time passes the closer we get to one
real image of the other and we will abandon the deduction process. At this point we must be extremely careful not to rush the
risk that "the prophecy is fulfilled". How to say; when we don't have the
mental flexibility necessary and we categorize a person as unpleasant,
we could take a partial perception and add every new detail
as in support of our initial belief (even if the reality is different). At this point, we can understand that the really important thing
it is not the initial evaluation that reports a liking or disliking (given
that we often cannot avoid this process) but rather succeed in
be open enough mentally so that we can change ours
initial evaluation.
  • 11
add a comment of Dislike: Why don't some people like us?
Comment sent successfully! We will review it in the next few hours.