About
haven't you asked yourself this question after ten or twenty years of marriage? One day
you turn around in bed, look at your partner, and wonder if he's the right person
for you. And, of course, this happens because our brains are programmed (or
better, we programmed it ourselves) to think according to a procedure
binary just like in computers; right or wrong, black or white.
That is, either he is the right person or he is not. Positions are not conceived
intermediate.
The "romanticism"
he is the one who takes care of planting weeds, which makes us think that maybe
we picked the wrong person. During the first phase of the relationship
we feel a strong attraction for each other. And this attraction (or
falling in love) looks much more like substance intoxication
narcotics, mainly because it is determined by certain neurotransmitters that
they have a responsibility to hide each other's flaws from us and make us feel like
in seventh heaven. To
anyway, between nine months and four years this feeling disappears and many
people feel overwhelmed by starting to realize their relationship
it's not as romantic and idyllic as they dreamed of. With time, the inexorable
reality enters with arrogance, incompatibilities are discovered and so we lose the illusion.
In conclusion; the phase in which we focus on everything negative has the other
person we do not like at all. From this some draw the conclusion
who got tired, who married the wrong person and break the
marriage. Others simply resign themselves and live a sad life without it
hopes. However,
it's not that everything has to end like this! In love
that has matured we should not consider the partner as the only source of
happiness and unhappiness. As adults, we assume our responsibilities
about the expectations that we ourselves have created and learn to
adapt them. We do not allow ourselves to be influenced by the first feeling of insecurity either
from our most negative state of mind. Instead of continuously observing the other
with a recriminatory attitude, we should look to ourselves and think
how we could solve this "crisis". To
anyway, the problem lies in the fact that our culture has accustomed us to
thinking that we shouldn't conform with something that isn't ideal for us. The
the fact is that it is impossible for us to disconnect from our beliefs
influenced by consumerist culture: “this
I don't like it anymore, I throw it away and buy a new one ". Like this,
in marriage it is not a question of meeting the right person but rather of
transform us into the right person. We can both grow together and
readjust our expectations and interests according to the other. Of course,
sometimes we get really wrong and choose a partner who doesn't have much to do with it
see with our tastes and interests. This happens because when we pass
in the phase of falling in love we turn into a "low cost version" of ourselves. Just like with the
drug addicts, we overlook many details and settle for it
little given that at this moment our capacity for reasoning does not
it works 100%. Other
Sometimes, we just don't know what we want (what characteristics they are
essential for our relationship to work) and we choose
unknowingly the possibility at hand. Perhaps because it was the alternative
"Less wrong". When
Is it possible to save the marriage? For
to save the couple relationship both members must be
willing to change, ready to overlook the defects of the other
(or even come to accept and love them) and are capable of
show your feelings. Another
important aspect that will show us that the other is really striving to improve
the relationship will be the signs that it is growing. That is, when the
your partner changes some habits and attitudes in order to satisfy
your needs or expectations.
Remember
that the solution always lies in assertive communication.
- 17Get Personal Growh
