Martina, 26, writes to us: “I went out for a few months with a guy, who at first gave me hope, but then when it came to getting serious he pulled back and dumped me. I love him deeply. Now I am experiencing one great disappointment of love and I feel completely lost. I know that to be loved by someone it is necessary first of all to be able to love yourself ... but my question is: how to recover after a disappointment in love? What to do to find yourself? "
Love disappointments really hurt, and can be experienced following the end of a long relationship or a marriage, but also due to the lack of exchange of a feeling, as in the case of our Martina.
In this article we will analyze more in depth this painful condition that so many people of all ages find themselves going through every day, and we will see above all how to overcome a disappointment of love.
It will be your compass to face this very difficult period of your life, and it will not only help you forget the person you love, but also to find your happiness and to start a wonderful path of personal growth.
Love disappointment: symptoms
First, what are the symptoms of disappointment in love? What happens to our body and brain after the person we love rejects us, disappoints us or leaves us?
Symptoms can be both physical and psychological. Among the former we find headache, loss of appetite, insomnia, cramps, nausea, feeling of exhaustion and general malaise. Among the latter, anxiety, panic attacks, low self-esteem, melancholy, recurrent negative thoughts, depression or other mood disorders are very common.
So if at this stage you are experiencing a great disappointment in love, and you fear that there is something wrong with you since you are reduced to a rag, remember that instead it is completely normal. You will have to go through a period of grief and suffering, but slowly you will come out of it too.
The question that arises spontaneously at this point is the following: how long does the disappointment of love last?
Love disappointment: how long does it last?
It is not possible to absolutely establish how long it takes to forget an ex or overcome a disappointment in love. It all depends on several factors that I want to list below:
- How you decide to react and deal with the pain;
- Whether or not you continue to have contact with that person;
- The length and intensity of the relationship you had with that person;
- Life and couple experiences that you had before you met that person;
- Your age, your sensitivity and your level of self-esteem and resilience;
- The presence or absence of friends and family ready to listen and support you;
- The readings you take immediately after the breakup.
To give you an example, one of our readers, Michele, after reading my e-book Restarting, and applying all the suggestions contained in it, tells us that he managed to forget his ex in less than 3 months, even if their relationship had been really important, and she had left him for someone else.
Instead Federica writes to us that she is still destroyed, despite the fact that her relationship has already ended for two years. All this because he didn't have the courage to go on with his life, and for a very long time she kept looking for her ex-husband hoping he would change his mind.
Then it is possible to overcome a disappointment in love, and return to feeling better in a relatively short time. But in what way? The time has come to find out ...
Disappointment of love: psychology
Disappointment, as defined in the dictionary, consists in that feeling of bitterness of those who see that reality does not correspond to their hopes and expectations.
When reality does not correspond to your expectations, there are two possible paths to take: accept it, or do everything possible to change it.
As the famous serenity prayer says:
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
Beyond the religious implications, in these short lines a magical formula is concentrated to face all the adversities of life. It makes no sense to oppose reality, complaining about what is beyond our control, hoping for something impossible or improbable, or in any case not up to us.
If you feel that you can still do something to change reality, and it's really worth it, I invite you to read my articles on how to win back an ex, and how to win back a man. You will find very specific indications to change reality and make the person you love come back to you.
In all other cases, what you need to do is put all your energy into trying to accept reality for what it israther than oppose it.
The practice of acceptance, along with the other advice I am about to give you, will help you find yourself and your lost happiness. Keep reading!
How to overcome a disappointment in love
Let's see how to overcome a disappointment of love in 6 steps.
1. Accept that it's over between you, or it never started. Repeat out loud, or mentally, phrases of acceptance every night, thanks to which you tell yourself that, however dissatisfied with it, you accept the state of affairs as they are.
2. Release and live your emotions, do not repress them and do not oppose them! If you feel sad, give yourself permission to cry over what happened. If you feel angry, punch a punching bag or tear up some paper. Because letting off steam, throwing it all out without keeping it in, will help make you feel much better. I assure you.
3. Cut off contact with the person you love, without telling you an apology about the fact that maybe you should remain friends, or that you still need clarification or explanations from him. Asking your ex for explanations is just your subconscious attempt to lengthen the conversation between the two of you, and to exercise your expectations of him. All this will lead you to nothing good!
4. Be open to news. Changes of look, trips to new places, or experiences and activities that we would never have chosen before are welcome. The novelties are new energy and bring new vitality and therefore are important to recover from the disappointments of love.
5. Avoid fallback relationships. Most people jump from one relationship to another, never giving themselves the opportunity to really find themselves. Spending time alone, and learning to appreciate the state of singleness without experiencing it as a drama or a condemnation, is really of fundamental importance to be able to build happiness in the long run.
6. Rediscover your interests, the books you want to read, the sports you want to practice, the things you want to learn and the habits you want to incorporate into your daily life. It won't be easy at first, because all you want to do is spend time with the person who rejected you, and everything else seems useless to you. But slowly, if you continue in this direction, you will discover that the antidote against the disappointments of love is to have a life that stands and has meaning even when there is no one who animates you with his love.
Let's now look at some particular cases in which you may find yourself, and which deserve additional considerations beyond what we have already said so far.
How to overcome a disappointment in love at 50
Okay, facing the end of a relationship when you are 20 or 30 can be relatively easy, but how to do it when you are already older in age, and that relationship represented for us a certainty based on years of coexistence, happiness , promises and common commitments?
How to overcome a disappointment in love at 50?
Make no mistake: in this case achieving total healing will be a more challenging process and will take longer. But no wound is forever.
Even if you are 50 years old and your husband or wife has left you suddenly causing you pain you have never felt in your life, and turning your life upside down, if you follow the advice mentioned in the article, you will soon be able to find serenity and a smile. .
Disappointment of unrequited love
If your disappointment in love stems from the fact that the person you love does not reciprocate your feelings, now is the time to realize that you and she will never be together.
Running after someone who doesn't even calculate you, who is already engaged, or who at best tells you that he cares about you but doesn't have that feeling necessary to build a relationship, you will gradually destroy your self-esteem, and you will communicate to yourself and the whole world that you are not a person worthy of love.
To distance yourself from this situation and from this person is the best thing you can do to reaffirm yourself, and to recover, or to start cultivating, your self-love.
In any case, there are 4 types of unrequited love, and I talk about it in depth in my article on unrequited love, which I invite you to read.
First disappointment of love
What about the first disappointment of love? We have all been through it, and we all know when this can affect us and can be difficult to deal with.
It often catches us during our adolescence, but I know several people who have experienced it at an older age, and in those cases it is even more painful.
We are never prepared to suffer for love, but when it happens to us for the first time we are even less so: we don't know what to expect, how to interpret these strong feelings and emotions, and what to do to get better. We seem to have gone mad!
The good news, however, is that when you are very young, even if the pain can reach particularly high levels of intensity, wounds are healed more quickly and easily. In fact, our heart is young and dynamic, our brain is curious and totally projected towards the future.
We will very easily find another person to direct our loving attentions to, and this will help us to forget our previous disappointment in love.
Disappointment in love and depression
But what to do if the pain is too severe or too long? What is the solution if, despite our best efforts to change the situation, the negativity and suffering persist for too long?
In the event that depressive symptoms occur, it is necessary to seek the help of a professional psychologist. There's nothing wrong with asking for help when you can't find a way out on your own, and starting therapy might be the best decision of your life.
Thank you for reading this article on how to deal with a disappointment in love. I hope it has been useful to you in the difficult situation you are experiencing. I just have to wish you good luck!