Differences of opinion in the couple

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Louise Hay
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Differences of opinion in the couple

When the couple is always in agreement on everything and there is no discrepancy, it means that one of the two thinks and decides for both. Disagreeing and accepting each other's differences is the key to the success of any emotional bond.

Last update: June 21, 2022

Differences of opinion in the couple are perfectly normal. Even so, for many it is extremely difficult to accept discrepancies, opposing points of view hurt and disagreements are understood as threats.



Somehow, we take it for granted that loving someone means getting along 200% on any topic, in every aspect and insignificant detail.

As a result of this approach, differences of opinion are mishandled. When we enter into an emotional relationship, we desire absolute harmony with the loved one.

Normalizing the occasional disagreement and accepting any discrepancies can act as an extraordinary catalyst in the relationship. These are, in fact, extraordinary opportunities to get to know each other better.

Situations that allow you to dialogue, learn from each other and accept your individuality to build a common project day by day.

What is opposite is reconciled, from things in contrast the most beautiful harmony is born, and everything is generated through contention.

-Heraclitus-

Differences of opinion in the couple

When we commit to a long-term relationship, we must anticipate any disagreements. We will also have to accept different points of view of the partner and even normalize that there will be aspects in which you will never be in harmony. However, it is perfectly normal.

John Gottman, one of the leaders in the field of affective research, points out to us is that he is an eternal "horseman of the apocalypse" in the sentimental field.



Many see with bewilderment and even threaten that the partner contradicts and does not think the same way. As a result, criticism and contempt can arise, highly harmful dimensions.

Personal wishes

Differences of opinion in the couple are normal because they are not the same. We are unique and exceptional people who choose other people to live together, to build a project for the present and for the future.

We may wish that the partner has the same tastes, interests and hobbies as ours, but we must accept that every relationship is made up of two individuals who will not always be in tune.

But this is not a problem because nothing is as decisive as working on our differences, understanding them and obviously valuing them. The so-called soul mate does not come into our life in an atmosphere of total calm.

True soul mate revolutionizes our entire world, it shows us other perspectives, shakes our patterns and you manage to bring out the best in us.

Think differently and still get along

The University of Georgia conducted a study in 2016 in order to check whether, as they say, successful relationships are based on good communication.

The result was surprising, because in reality knowing how to communicate is not always an absolute guarantee of success in love. In addition to being able to express, listen and speak assertively, there must be appreciation, affection and openness.

Many can understand the differences of opinion in the couple as a threat and suffering. "You don't want to go on vacation where I want, because you don't take me into consideration.", "You don't want us to eat with my parents every Sunday because you don't appreciate me as much as you should."


Couples may think differently and sometimes want opposite things as well. But when there is affection and respect, there are always ways and channels to reach agreements.



Accepting differences of opinion in the couple avoids suffering unnecessarily

Expecting that the partner praises our every decision, that he agrees with our every idea, change, proposal or desire is almost naive. There must, however, be harmony in those most basic schemes that support a relationship.

It is advisable to share the same values ​​and the same vision of the future. It is important to agree on children, on managing finances, always be honest and share the same concept of love. However, on a daily basis it is common for frictions to arise and that, at times, we have innocent discrepancies.

Love is respect. Your reality and mine can complement each other

To love means to respect the other in every moment and circumstance. Understanding that our realities may be different, but still complement each other like a puzzle of perfect pieces.


Why sometimes having opposite points of view helps us to discover a wider reality: learn from each other to see that, despite our many edges and imperfections, together we are perfect.

Nothing is as healthy as accepting differences of opinion; few things are as revitalizing to a relationship as having opposite ideas and discovering that while they are different, everything unites.

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